Can’t stop thinking about your ex BF? That’s okay: it happens to pretty much all of us. It’s especially bad if there wasn’t a particularly good reason for the breakup, and you feel like things could go a lot better if you gave it another chance. There are some ways that can help make it happen, so don’t give up hope! If you want to know how to get your ex Boyfriend back fast, read on!
How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Fast
When it comes to getting an ex BF back, there are a lot of aspects that need to be taken into account. Let’s take a good look at them, so you can determine whether it’s a good idea, and how to go about getting him back!
1. Understand Why You Split Up
The first thing to consider here is why the two of you broke up in the first place.
Basically, you need to adapt your approach to suit the kind of person he is. There’s no “one shoe fits all” solution here: instead, you’ll need to figure out a strategy that will motivate him in the direction you want.
Grab a pen and paper and write down all the things that led to your breakup. Be honest, here—now is not the time to try to shift all the blame onto the other person. Do some serious soul searching if you need to and make notes of all the ways that you may have contributed to the relationship breaking down.
- Were you two fighting all the time? If so, why? What did you usually fight about?
- If you did fight, did you two manage to stay fairly calm? Did you shout?
- Were you both throwing insults at each other to try to cause pain?
- Did one of you cheat on the other? If so, why? What was the motivating factor there?
Writing down all of these things honestly allows you to get a big picture idea of all the things that led to the split. From there, you can determine what your next steps will be.
2. Figure Out Why You Want Him Back
While you’re writing down all the reasons why you broke up, start another list. On this one, you’ll write down all the reasons why you want to get back together. It’s important to also understand your own motivations for rekindling a relationship with a person.
For example, some people really don’t deal well when someone breaks up with them. They like to be in control, and feel wanted and powerful, so it damages them on many levels if and when someone else ends the relationship. Quite often, they’ll try to get back together with their ex for the sole purpose of breaking up with them a week or so down the line… only this time it’s on their own terms. They won’t feel rejected anymore, but instead feel like they’ve gotten their own power back.
If this is your motivation, do a bit more internal work. This wouldn’t be healthy for either one of you, and would be a colossal waste of time on both sides.
On the other hand, do you sincerely miss the connection you had with him? Do you find yourself reaching out for him in the middle of the night? Or maybe it’s the silly rituals you had together, like cheesy Kung Fu movies on Friday nights, or cooking together on weekends.
Write a list of all the things you miss, and the things you don’t miss. If the “I miss him” list is significantly longer, you know you’re on the right track.
3. Test the Waters to See if He Wants to Try Again
Getting your ex bf back is a lot easier if he’s given you the impression that he might want to give things another try.
Go no-contact for a little while to see if he gets in touch with you. A lot of guys need time and space to figure out their own heads. After that time, they like to be the ones who reach out to try to reconnect. After not contacting him at all for a week or two, he might text you with a friendly note of some kind.
He might not say straight out that he misses you, but if he’s sending you cute memes or heart emojis, chances are he still has feelings for you.
Usually, getting an ex back is simpler if you’re the one who ended the relationship. They might even consider it to be an ego boost if you approach them with the desire to reconcile.
The next time he texts you, write back something warm and sweet. You don’t have to immediately dive in with “I miss you”, but remind him of something nice that you two shared. For instance, you can tell him that you tried to make a meal that he cooked for you regularly but it’s “just not the same” as his. Depending on his response, you can get a good idea of whether he’s interested in giving things another go.
If he says “Aw, well, good effort!”, it’s probably a “no”.
On the other hand, if he suggests that he could make it for you sometime, you may have an “in”, so to speak.
4. Determine What Kind of Man He Is
Next, you need to take into account what his personality is like. These two variables will determine the technique you need to get him back.
Yes, it’s time to grab that journal of yours again. Write down as much about him as you can, from his favorite foods (and the ones he dislikes the most) to his interests, hobbies, relationship with his family, etc.
Every person is a unique work of art, and needs to be treated as such.
5. Adapt Your Approach to Suit His Personality
What works for one guy isn’t necessarily going to work on another. If your ex BF is a quiet, emotional introvert, he’s probably going to react well to a heartfelt letter and an appeal to his heart. In contrast, that approach isn’t going to work on a fiery military type. They’ll prefer a straightforward, rational approach.
Take note of that list you made about all his traits, and then make an action plan about how you’d like to try approaching him.
If he’s a straightforward type who gets annoyed by emotional appeals, be straight up with him. Don’t play victim or get emo about anything. Just tell him your perspective on the breakup, and put the focus on why you think he’s amazing. Tell him the traits about him that you admire and respect, and that you recognize that there’s nobody else like him out there.
In contrast, if he’s the aforementioned emotional, sensitive sort. For a type like this, an honest appeal to his heart will likely get him interested in trying again. If you know you messed up during the relationship, write him a letter (by hand!), owning up to it. Explain where you were emotionally and mentally at the time, and express sincere sorrow at being apart from him. Encourage him to have the courage to give you another chance, and that you have no intention of hurting him again.
6. Let Him Know You’d Like to Try Again
This can go a few different ways. Some may be positive, some… less than that.
If you were the one who ended the relationship, he might be a bit wary of getting hurt again. As a result, he might not know exactly how to respond. This may be especially true if he’s a rather sensitive type. Give him time and space to process the idea. Furthermore, let him know that you understand that you hurt him and that you’re sorry.
In contrast, if he’s the one who ended things, we veer back to #1: why you two split up. If you’ve sorted out the root cause, then talk to him about it honestly. Recognize that both of you contributed to X, and that you’re aware of the role you played. Place emphasis on the many ways that things did work between you, and keep the focus on there.
Whether you’re appealing to his logic and reason, or his emotions, make the good stuff the key factor. Own up to your mistakes, and make it very clear that all the good things between you are worth fighting for.
While you’re at it, be sure to let him know how much you appreciate him.
7. Take Things Slowly
Remember that this is a slow process, and will take time. There may be some back-and-forth momentum going on as well. You two might get close, then pull back because something triggered a bad memory about your breakup. That’s okay, just run with it.
Give him space when he needs it, and take your own space if you do too. Treat this like you’re starting a completely new relationship, and let it unfold a layer at a time.
Don’t be clingy, or desperate, or act jealous about other women. If he’s open to trying again with you, then it’s because you’re awesome and he recognizes this.
8. Avoid Negativity
This includes obsessing over every exchange for clues about whether things are going okay, and listening to people who tell you that you’re crazy for trying to get him back, etc. The one exception to this is if the relationship was abusive. If he ever hit you or treated you really badly, and your friends are telling you that it’s a seriously bad idea to try getting back together, you might want to listen to what they have to say.
Also, don’t stalk women who might be commenting on his social media posts. Don’t ask him about them either. In fact, don’t even look at likes or comments to see who may be interacting with him. Recognize that he might have been talking to (or even sleeping with) other women during his time away from you. That’s his business: if he ever wants to talk to you about that, okay. But let him open up to you on that in his own time.
The worst thing you can do right now is derail a possible reunion by grilling him about other women. Refrain from jealousy and possessiveness, and things should go a lot more smoothly.
(As a side note, don’t ever, ever read his texts or emails. That would be a huge breach of trust and respect, and be a 100% dealbreaker.)
9. Work On Yourself During This Time
Rather than focusing all your time and attention on him, make yourself a high priority.
Take up a hobby or online class that has always interested you, but you didn’t have enough time for. Make sure you’re eating well, getting plenty of exercise, and sleeping soundly. Turn off your phone an hour before bed and do some meditation or journaling work to help you wind down.
Basically, become the best version of yourself possible, on your terms.
You’re not doing all of this for him, or the possibility of getting him back: you’re doing this for yourself. If and when he decides to give things another chance, you’ll feel strong and confident in who you are, how you feel, and how you look. You’ll meet him on equal ground.
10. Understand that He Might Not Want to Come Back
It’s important to be very aware right from the beginning that no matter what you do, you two might not get back together.
You can try a variety of different approaches, but if the relationship is truly over, then it’s done. That’s a reality you should accept before you make any attempt at reconciliation. Sure, you could study psychology books, scour the web to read dozens of different articles on how to get your ex boyfriend back fast… but ultimately, it’s up to him whether he wants to give things another try or not.