Do you have a best guy friend who you find incredibly attractive but who just isn’t dating material? For example, maybe he doesn’t have the same political or religious views as you, or you’re just not ready to date. In this situation, a friends with benefits (FWB) setup can be very rewarding and a lot of fun.
But is your guy into you in that way? Does he think you’re attractive, and would an FWB work well with him? Just as importantly, how do you bring up this situation if he’s shy or a bit dim and not getting your subtle hints? You need to take the initiative and get what you want from him.
How to Ask a Guy to Be Friends With Benefits (FWB)
Sometimes, it is best to just be straightforward with your guy about your FWB situation. Often, this is the simplest way to hook up and have a good time together. However, you may prefer a subtle approach because you’re uncertain about how he feels. Don’t worry. There are many different ways that you can achieve this goal by following the steps below.
Be Straight Forward About It
If you feel comfortable with your guy friend and think he’d be into a friends with benefits status, you can just ask him directly. Guys often appreciate a woman who just lets them know she’s into him, especially if she’s honest about the FWB setup. Sit down with your guy friend or text him and ask him one of these questions to feel out your potential situation here:
- Would you like to be friends with benefits? I think you’re hot, but I am not into dating right now.
- Have you ever done friends with benefits before? I have, and I’d like to with you but want to do it right.
- Would you be into hooking up as friends? I need some no-strings sex, and trust you.
- Is a friends with benefits thing between the two of us something you’d enjoy?
- We’ve been friends a while, and I think that friends with benefits would be fun.
Many guys will appreciate your bluntness and will be more than happy to have a friends with benefits setup with you. Others may be a little surprised or confused and need some time to think. Don’t push a guy into this setup but let him come to it at his pace. Doing so helps make it simpler for him to feel comfortable and minimize any potentially awkward friendship-ending situations.
Be Extremely Flirty
Men can be dense sometimes and often need very obvious signs that you want an FWB situation. If you’ve been flirting a little or tend to have a fun and sincere friendship, you can take it to the next level by upping the seriousness of your flirting. This step goes beyond merely asking him and almost demands that he take your FWB request seriously. Just a few ways to try this approach include:
- Tell me your favorite sexual position, and I’ll tell you mine.
- Wow, you look so hot in those jeans right now.
- Something about you is really turning me on lately.
- Have you ever hooked up with a hot girl like me?
- Can I be honest? I want you to have sex with me right now.
Even the densest guy should reciprocate when you flirt that heavily with him. Before he lays a hand on you, mention the FWB situation and ask him if that’s okay. Outline what you want, get his input on what he wants, and keep the lines of communication open to minimize any frustration.
Talk Openly About Your Sexual Needs
Lastly, you can open him up to an FWB by discussing your sexual needs and desires. Doing so is a good way not only to flirt with a guy subtly but let him know if you’re an excellent hookup for him. Some guys may not have the suitable libido or interests for your needs, so make sure you use these simple questions and statements:
- How long do you usually go between getting laid? It’s been ages for me.
- I would love to have sex right now, especially with someone I knew I could trust. Are you busy?
- It’s hard for me to go a month or more without having sex. What about you?
- I have no idea why, but lately, I’ve seen so horny whenever we’re hanging out. Do you want to do something about it?
- Can I tell you a secret about the weirdest place I’ve ever had sex?
After discussing your sexual needs in this way, see how he responds. If he opens up about himself and even gets flirty with you, bring up an FWB situation. Many guys will jump on this opportunity, especially if they find you attractive. As always, set up the rules and guidelines before you begin.
What Does Friends With Benefits Mean to a Guy?
An FWB situation can mean a lot of things to different guys. The best FWB is the guy who understands the situation and truly gets what you want and what he wants. In other words, he is cool with you texting him once a month for a hookup and doesn’t need constant reminders that he’s attractive. He may have other FWB situations (as you can, too), and he balances them well, without excess emotion. These guys think of an FWB situation as:
- A fun way to have no-strings-attached sex with an attractive friend
- A unique way to get to know someone he enjoys as a person
- An excellent sexual release when in between relationships
- Another “notch” in his sexual belt (bragging rights to friends)
However, not every guy thinks of an FWB in the same way. Whether he means to or not, this type of guy may become attached to you or put more emphasis and emotion into the situation. In other words, he thinks you’re in a relationship or feels emotionally attached. Some guys just aren’t built for FWB scenarios and invariably want a romance. Here are a few signs your guy is falling into this trap:
- Setting up just one FWB situation with you and no one else
- Texting you regularly just to see how you are doing
- Talking romantically or trying to set up dates between you
- Getting angry if you find a second FWB outside of him
Don’t be ashamed if you find yourself in this situation. Many, many women have fallen into this trap before you. It’s not like the guy is doing anything wrong. His emotions just aren’t set up for this kind of situation. You need to talk about it with him and reiterate what it means to be in an FWB setup. If he cannot accept it, you need to end it right away and try to save your friendship. When a guy can’t accept the end of your hookup design, you may need to sever all ties for both of your sakes.
Always Do What is Right for You
Don’t stay in a bad FWB if the guy is not meeting your needs, such as falling for you when you just need a hookup. What happens if you start to fall for the guy? You’re then in a challenging situation that will require carefully examining your FWB and deciding if you want to try dating.
Many couples have transitioned successfully from FWB to find a very happy relationship. However, others will find that they were “just” friends for a reason. Therefore, a lot of careful talk and planning must be taken before attempting to change your FWB into something more serious.
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