It can be really hard to get over a breakup, especially when the other person is someone you loved and cared for deeply. If you authentically want to continue with the relationship, here’s how to get your ex-boyfriend back and even make him want you more than ever before
How to Rekindle a Past Relationship
This complete guide will teach you how to reconnect with a loved one who has called it quits. If you take the time to read and follow these tips, you will have a much better chance of reconciling with your former love.
1. Understand Why the Relationship Ended in the First Place
If you can identify and address the root causes of the breakup, you will be in a much better position to reconcile with your ex-boyfriend. It’s important to put emotions aside when evaluating the reasons for your breakup, especially if you want to get back with him.
Here are the most common causes for a breakup, along with tips to overcome them:
A Difference in Priorities
The first reason why a relationship will typically end is that two people have different priorities. This can be a difficult problem to overcome, especially if one person wants a long-term relationship and the other does not.
Perhaps one partner wants children and the other does not. Maybe one person wants to get married and settle down, but their partner is content with casual dating. These types of differences can be very difficult for a couple to overcome – which explains why so many relationships fail after partners realize that they want different things from each other
Work is oftentimes a priority for many people. Relationships can become strained when one partner is too focused on their job and neglects their partner. This can also be a difficult problem to overcome, as it may lead to accusations of neglect or lack of interest from either party.
Another misalignment in priorities may be due to differing lifestyles. Maybe one partner is a homebody who enjoys staying in and watching movies, while the other loves going out clubbing or traveling every weekend. These fundamental lifestyle differences can also be difficult – if not impossible – to reconcile
The second reason why relationships end is because of poor communication between partners. If you are unable to address problems with your ex without getting emotional or defensive, this can lead to misunderstandings that can cause irreparable damage to the relationship over time. that may lead to misunderstandings.
For example, some people are “feelers” who prefer discussing their emotions and feelings to resolve problems between them. Other types of partners are more logical or analytical, which means they need to have a problem broken down into its constituent parts before being resolved.
Additionally, many couples find that they simply cannot healthily communicate with each other. For example, if one partner is passive-aggressive and never directly addresses issues, this can create the perception that they are not interested in reconciliation
Our communication styles come from our upbringing and our experiences in life. If you were raised with a strong emphasis on direct communication, this means that you may struggle to reconcile with someone who is more indirect or passive when it comes to addressing issues between them
If your ex-boyfriend broke up with you due to poor communication, there are several things that you can do about it. First, you need to evaluate your communication style and how you might be contributing to the problem. Second, you need to find a way to communicate with your ex-boyfriend that is more effective for both of you. Lastly, you need to make an effort to repair the damage that has been done to the relationship
One of the most painful reasons for a breakup is when one partner has been unfaithful. This type of betrayal can be difficult to overcome, as it shakes the foundation of trust that was built in the relationship.
When a partner has cheated on their significant other, there are often unresolved feelings of anger, resentment, and hurt. These emotions can make it very difficult for couples to reconcile, especially when one partner has shown that they are not capable of being faithful.
Cheating can manifest in many different ways. Even if there wasn’t a physical affair, if your partner has been emotionally or mentally unfaithful, this can be just as damaging to the relationship.
The root of cheating is dishonesty. If your partner cheated on you, this means that they are not being honest about their feelings. If you cannot trust them to be truthful with how they feel or what is going on in their life, it might be difficult for the relationship to prosper
However, there are many different reasons why people cheat. Some partners may have been pushed into cheating by their partner, while others may have been feeling neglected or unfulfilled for a long time. If your ex-boyfriend cheated on you, it’s important to try and understand why he did it.
If you were the one who cheated on your boyfriend, it’s time to take some ownership of your actions. You need to be honest with yourself about why you cheated and what you’re going to do to make things right.
Another common reason that relationships come to an end is that there isn’t enough excitement in the relationship. Perhaps there have been patterns that have emerged in the relationship and both partners have become bored with each other.
This can be a difficult problem to overcome, as it often requires both partners to put in extra effort to make things exciting again. If one partner is not willing or able to do this, it can lead to resentment and ultimately, a breakup.
Almost all couples experience fighting, or at the very least, disagreements in their relationships. However, some boundaries should not be crossed when it comes to fighting. If your partner has hurt you physically or emotionally during an argument, this can create feelings of fear and resentment that are difficult to overcome.
If you have been in a relationship where either one or both partners have shown violent or emotionally abusive behavior, the most important thing is to keep yourself safe. Your physical safety should always come first.
If you’re in a relationship where violence is an issue, this can create feelings of fear and anxiety when it comes to the idea of reconciling with your partner. However, if there has been no physical or emotional abuse involved in your breakup, then it’s possible that your ex-boyfriend just needs some time apart from you.
2. Take Some Space
If the breakup is fresh, it’s important to take some time to process what happened. There is no specific amount of time that a couple needs to take and it will depend on the circumstances of your breakup.
This will help prevent you from making impulsive decisions that cannot be undone and allow for time to truly reflect on what went wrong in the relationship.
Here are some helpful guidelines that will allow you to take space from the relationship separation productively and healthily:
Decide How Long to Take Space
The first step is to figure out how much time you need. This will depend on the situation and how fresh the breakup is. If it’s been a few days, you might only need a week or two. However, if it’s been months since the breakup, you’ll likely need more than that.
If your ex-boyfriend is in a calm and receptive space, you might be able to ask him what he thinks is a reasonable amount of time for you both. Try your best to settle on a length of time that satisfies both of you. If you’re able to agree on a length of time together, you may want to schedule a meetup at the end of that time to discuss what happens next.
Don’t Contact Your Ex-boyfriend During This Time
It may seem obvious, but it’s important to avoid contact with your ex during this time. The no contact rule is one of the most important things to follow during a breakup. Not only does it give you time to focus on yourself, but it also shows your ex that you’re serious about taking some time for yourself.
If you feel like contacting him, have a plan in place that will prevent you from reaching out. For example. if you tend to text your ex when you’re feeling lonely or down, have someone else call you instead. This will help take the temptation out of the equation.
This is important because it can be difficult to resist the temptation of contacting your ex, especially if you’re feeling lonely or down. However, this will only make it more difficult for both parties and may lead to a situation where things are uncomfortable between you again.
Refrain From Posting Anything About the Breakup on Social Media
This one is a little harder because it’s easy to want to post about what happened or how you’re feeling on social media. However, doing this will only make things worse. Not only are you airing your dirty laundry for the world to see, but you’re also likely to get negative feedback from friends and family.
Instead of posting anything on social media about the breakup, spend this time with friends or family. This will help you get out of your head and prevent loneliness from setting in again.
If you feel the need to post on social media, try to focus on happier topics. This will help distract from the breakup and provide a positive distraction until you’re ready to go back out into the dating world again.
If you’re not comfortable with being disingenuous, you may want to avoid posting on social media at all. A social media detox is good for resetting after a breakup.
You may want to limit the time you spend looking at other people’s social media feeds as well. This can be a difficult thing to do, but it’s important not to compare your life to what you see on social media.
You can uninstall your social media apps from your phone, turn off their notifications, or even install an app that limits the amount of time you spend on social media each day. These options can help to break up the impulse to constantly check your feeds.li
Focus on Yourself and Your Needs
This is a time for self-care and reflection. Spend time doing things that make you happy and allow yourself to heal. This might include going for walks, reading, or taking time to relax.
To figure out what is best for your life at the moment, do an inventory of the different areas of your life, such as your work, health, relationships, and social life. Make a list of what you want to improve in each area and then make the necessary changes that will help move things along for you.
Don’t worry about tackling and improving every area of your life all at once. Select one thing to focus on and make sure that it’s something that you’re excited about. When you start to see progress in this area, then you can move on to the next one.
Seek Support From Friends and Family
If you’re feeling overwhelmed or lost after the breakup, it’s important to reach out to friends and family for support. Talking about what happened can help you process everything that’s going on and help you move on.
Not only will they be there to listen, but they can also provide a different perspective on the situation. Friends and family may have some great advice for how to get your ex boyfriend back as well.
Be intentional about who you choose to confide in during this time. If there are people in your life who are not supportive or are always negative, it may be best to limit the amount of time you spend with them.
Choose to connect with people who will be supportive and can offer a listening ear. It’s important to have people like this in your life as you move on from the breakup.
Don’t Date Your Way Through the Breakup
While it may seem like a good idea to jump back into another relationship, this is actually one of the worst things that you can do after your breakup. You’re simply not in a healthy emotional space for dating and having someone else come in will only make things worse.
This is especially true if you’re hoping to rekindle things with your ex. Dating other people will only make him jealous and may push him further away. It will also hurt the person that you’re dating and is not fair to them.
If you’re not interested in being single, there are plenty of other ways to meet people without jumping into another relationship right away. Try joining a club or attending events that interest you. This is a great way to meet new people who share your
3. Let Go of Blame and Shame
The next thing you need to do is to take a deep breath and remind yourself that the breakup was not your fault. All relationships take two people, and it isn’t really helpful to over analyze who is to be held responsible for what happened.
The truth is, it’s best to take responsibility without punishing yourself for what happened. This means that you should own your part in the breakup without punishing yourself for what you did.
There’s nothing to be gained from blaming yourself for the breakup or holding onto shame about what happened. When it comes down to it, focusing on your mistakes will only cause unnecessary pain and won’t change anything that has already happened.
Here are some ways that you can separate yourself from the blame and shame you may be experiencing from the break up:
Journal About What Happened When Your Boyfriend Broke Up With You
One way to work through the blame and shame is to journal about what happened. This can be a helpful way to process your thoughts and emotions, as well as figure out what you want to do next.
When you write down your thoughts, it can be easier to see things more clearly. You may notice that certain thoughts you have about what happened are opinions and not necessarily facts. This will help you to separate from an emotional judgement-based way of perceiving the situation.
After journalling about the relationship or the fight that led to a breakup, you may realize that you’ve done certain things that don’t align with your values. This is completely normal and it’s something that we all do at some point.
The key is to forgive yourself for these mistakes and then move on. You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it and use that knowledge to make better decisions in the future.
If you don’t take the time to forgive yourself, you risk staying in the same position and repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Even if you don’t support these actions, you may repeat them as a way of punishing yourself and others.
There are some helpful forgiveness exercises that you can try if this is something that feels challenging for you. Affirmations are a great way to support yourself and remind you of your positive qualities.
In order to practice forgiveness affirmations, you will need to choose a phrase that helps you to release the blame and shame you feel.
Some examples could be:
“I forgive myself for any mistakes I made in the relationship.”
“I release all the blame and shame that I’m feeling right now.”
“I understand that relationships take two people and it’s not really helpful to over analyze who is responsible for what happened.”
“I’m grateful for the lessons that I learned from this relationship and how it has helped me to grow as a person.”
You can repeat these affirmations several times throughout your day. The more you practice them, the easier they will be to remember when you’re feeling down or need some motivation.
Forgive Your Ex Boyfriend
You will also want to work on forgiving your ex. If your boyfriend broke your trust or did something that hurt you, it can be hard to think of how the previous relationship could turn back into a healthy relationship. However, this is an essential step if you want to resume the relationship or have a healthy friendship.
Take some time to think about the situation from your partner’s perspective. He may be feeling sad about your break up, and his actions may make sense to him even if they weren’t okay for you.
Remembering how he may be feeling can help to put the blame and shame into perspective. It’s not helpful to hold onto anger or frustration because this will only make it harder to reconnect down the line.
The best part about forgiving another person is that they don’t actually need to be present for you to do it. This means that you can forgive your ex boyfriend even if you don’t have the opportunity to talk about what happened.
There are many ritualistic ways you can forgive your ex. You can write your frustrations on a piece of paper and burn it to signify that you’re letting go and moving forward with the healing process.
If writing isn’t really your style, there are other options for releasing anger or sadness towards another person. There are some helpful ways to forgive someone through singing, painting or even sculpting! Art is a great way to move through feelings in a healthy way.
The most important thing is that you choose an activity that will allow you to express yourself in a way that is safe and healing.
Forgiving someone is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It takes courage to admit that you were wrong and to decide to change your perspective on the situation.
It’s human nature to make mistakes, and breaking up is completely normal and it’s something that we all do at some point.
The key is to forgive yourself for these mistakes and then move on. You can’t change the past, but you can learn from it and use that knowledge to make better decisions in the future.
If you don’t take the time to forgive yourself or others, you will continue to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. You deserve better than that, and so do the people in your life!
4. Focus On Fixing the Problems
Now that you’ve taken some time to understand what happened in the relationship, get alone time, and forgive yourself and your ex for what went wrong, you can start to focus on how to fix the relationship.
Here are some ways to fix the problems you may have encountered in your past relationship:
Identify Your Mistakes and Resolve to Change Them
It’s important to be honest with yourself and take an inventory of the things you may have done wrong in the relationship. This isn’t easy, but it’s necessary if you want to make a change.
Once you’ve identified your mistakes, resolve to change them. If you’re not sure how to do this, reach out to friends or family members for support.
For example, maybe you get upset whenever your boyfriend comes home late from work. In the past, this may have led to a fight and made your relationship even more strained than it was before.
In order to fix these problems in the future, you want to figure out how you can be supportive of your partner when he arrives from his job. You could offer him a snack or ask him about his day.
Whatever you choose to do, the most important thing is that it’s something positive and helpful for both of you in order to bring back a sense of balance and intimacy into your life together.
Being Supportive and Emotionally Available Is Key To Fixing Problems
If you want your relationship with your ex boyfriend to change, you have to be willing to alter your behavior in the present.
If there are certain problems that persisted throughout your relationship, it’s likely because you both were not working towards resolving them. This can happen when one partner is emotionally unavailable or unwilling to change their approach in solving issues together which will only cause further strain on the partnership.
In order to fix these types of problems, you have to be emotionally available and supportive. This means being open and communicative with your partner, even if it’s difficult.
It also means listening to what he has to say without interruption and trying your best not to get defensive. If you can’t do this on your own, consider seeking out professional help.
Make Time For Fun and Intimacy In Your Relationship
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One of the best ways to fix a strained relationship is by making time for fun and intimacy. This means doing things together that you both enjoy, without any stress or tension.
It can be something as simple as going for a walk in the park, having a picnic, or watching your favorite TV show.
The most important thing is to focus on the positive and not allow yourself to get caught up in things that aren’t working for you anymore.
Let Go of Jealousy
Jealousy is another emotion that can ruin a relationship. It’s often caused by insecurity and a lack of trust, which can be difficult to overcome.
If you’re experiencing jealousy in your relationship, the first thing you need to do is acknowledge it. Don’t try to ignore how you feel or bury your feelings because this will only make them worse in the long run.
Once you’ve identified your feelings of jealousy, the next step is to figure out why you feel this way in order to resolve it once and for all. For example, maybe you get jealous when your boyfriend spends time with his friends because deep down inside, he might prefer their company over yours.
Acknowledge that this is an opinion and not a fact. If you can’t do this on your own, consider seeking out professional help.
The most important thing is to be honest with yourself and open about how you’re feeling in order to fix the underlying issues in your relationship. If you’re willing to make a change, your ex boyfriend might reconsider getting back together with you.
Decide What You Need From Your Ex
Moving forward isn’t just about deciding what you will do differently in the relationship, because you’re not the only person who has to make a change.
Your ex boyfriend also needs to be willing to work on things, and you need to decide what you need from him in order to move forward.
For example, maybe you need him to apologize for the way he’s acted in the past or agree to go to counseling together.
Perhaps you just need him to be more communicative and supportive, or maybe you need him to spend more time with you.
Make sure to anchor your needs in writing so you have a clear idea of what you’re expecting from him.
The most important thing is to be realistic about what you need and expect from your ex boyfriend. If he’s not able or willing to give you what you need, then the relationship is likely doomed to fail. To some extent you can compromise and meet him halfway, but you will want to be sure that you’re not setting yourself up for more pain in the future.
5. Reach Out To Him
Now that you have taken some space and identified your needs as well as what you’re willing to do in the relationship, it is time to reach out to him. Hopefully, you have established a specific time together where you both feel comfortable with reconnecting.
Here are some steps you can take to reach out to him:
Check Your Mental Health
Firstly, before even reaching out, take a moment to check in with yourself. Do you feel ashamed, upset, or even angry? If so, you may need to work on these feelings before reaching out. You may think that you will be able to hide these feelings, but you’d be surprised how much they can show in your interactions.
Something as simple as some deep breathing exercises could help you to regulate your emotions before reaching out. You may also choose to reach out at a certain time of the day when you’re not too stressed by work or other responsibilities.
Start Out Small
When you first reach out, start by sending a text message or connect with him on one of his social media accounts. Email is also a great option. Essentially, you want to make sure you reach out in a way that allows him time to think about how he wants to respond.
A phone call, video chat, or meet up face to face may be too confrontational, unless you have specifically arranged this in the first place.
When you message your ex, it is best to start out with something positive or that could be viewed as non-threatening. A surefire way to connect is to ask him how he is doing. You may say something like:
“Hi, I hope you’re doing well. I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.”
“Hi, are you ready to talk? I’m feeling ready to connect when you are.”
If you want to say something a bit more assertive, you can text something like:
“Hey, I wanted to apologize for the way things ended between us. I know that I wasn’t perfect and I want to work on things together.”
“Hey, I wanted to reach out because I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. I really miss you and want to see if we can work things out.”
Be Honest About How You’re Feeling
When you reach out, be honest about how you’re feeling. Don’t try and pretend like everything is okay if it’s not. This will only set you up for disappointment in the future.
The more vulnerability and honesty you put into the message, the more likely your ex boyfriend is to open up and respond positively.
If he does not want to talk or does not seem receptive, this may feel like a sting. However, you get to walk away knowing that you were the person who put the most effort in and stood up for how you felt. This is ultimately more satisfying than pretending everything is okay just to have him ignore you.
Don’t expect him to respond right away or even the same day. He may need time to think about what he wants to say, or he could be busy.
Try not to bombard him with messages and give him some space. If he’s receptive, he will reach out to you in his own time. He is living hs own life, and even though that may feel out of control for you. it’s important to respect that.
Use this time to focus on you and in making yourself happy.
If you don’t hear back from him in 2 or 3 days, you can go ahead and send another message. You may say something like:
“Hey, I hope you’re doing well. I just wanted to check in and see if you were ready to talk or if there was anything I could do.”
“I’m sorry for messaging you again but I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
If he doesn’t respond again, you can wait another day or two before sending your final message.
In this final message, you can say something like:
“I’m sorry for messaging you again. I just wanted to reach out one final time to see if you’re ready to talk. If not, I will let you be, but would appreciate a response either way.”
“Thanks for reaching out, but after a couple of days without hearing from me it’s probably best not to reach out again unless something changes significantly in your life.”
At this point, you should give up. It’s likely he’s not interested in talking to you anymore and that trying to reach out is only going to make things worse.
If you do hear back from him, you can begin a conversation with him. Be sure to keep it positive and open ended so that you both have an opportunity to talk about how you feel without judgement or blame.
Start by asking him how he’s doing and what has been going on in his life. If he wants, he can ask you the same questions back.
If there is a specific reason that caused your breakup, such as cheating or abuse, be sure to bring this up with care if it feels appropriate. If he’s not ready to talk about it yet, you can always bring it up again in the future.
Finally, let him know your intentions for preparing and continuing the relationship. You can ask if he is comfortable with a couple of phone calls in the future or even if he is ready to meet up in person.
This will set you up for having a conversation about how you want to fix things and start dating again.
6. Offer a Solution to Your Ex
If you’ve reconnected with your ex after taking some space and have decided to connect through a phone call or in person, it’s time to let him know what you want.
Expressing your feelings and desires is important, but it’s also crucial to be willing to work on the relationship. This means being able to compromise and sacrifice some of your wants for the good of the relationship.
Here is how you can begin to breach the topic of resuming the relationship with him:
Let Him Know You Want To Get Back Together
When the two of you are together, it’s time to let him know you want to see the relationship grow. Let him know how much you’ve missed having him around and that things feel different now. Here are some examples of things you can say to let him know how you feel:
“I really miss the way we used to be together, but I understand it might take some time for us to get back there. I want to have a conversation about what we can do to get back to that place.”
“I know things have been really tough since we broke up, but I want us to try and work through it. I’m not saying everything will be perfect, but I think we owe it to ourselves to try.”
“I’m willing to do whatever it takes to keep this relationship going. I’ve taken a lot of time to think of some solutions we can try. Are you open to hearing them?”
If he says no, be willing to listen and understand his position. If he’s not interested in trying or is outright hostile, it might be time to end things for good.
However, if he’s open to the idea or even hesitant but interested, you have a good chance of reconciling things. Follow through by asking if he has anything he wants to share in the moment. He may let you know how much he has missed you, or how painful the separation has been. Make sure to actively listen with an empathetic ear.
Make a Plan Together
Once your ex agrees to try and work on the relationship, it’s important that you both make a plan together. You can begin by making a list of things that need to change and what each person is willing to do.
It’s best if both parties are able to openly communicate and work together on this plan. If one person tries to take control or shuts the other party out, it will only lead to resentment down the line.
Some things you might want to consider including in your plan are:
- How often you will talk/see each other
- If there will be any boundaries or rules you need to follow
- What the future looks like for your relationship
- How you will handle conflict
- How you will measure success
This is a long process, and there will be many bumps along the way. It’s important to realize that you’re both in this together and need to work as a team if things are going to get better.
You may also want to decide how often to see each other. It may not be the best idea to jump back in to daily contact, especially if things have been really bad between the two of you. Start with weekly conversations or check-ins to see how it’s going. If everything is going well, you can gradually increase the amount of contact.
Have a Plan For When Things Go South
All relationships have challenging moments, no matter how strong they are. If you’re not prepared for when things go wrong, it can lead to bigger fights and problems down the line.
It’s important that you have a plan for how to deal with disagreements. This means having healthy coping mechanisms in place, like talking to a friend or therapist about what’s going on. You should also be willing to apologize and admit when you’re wrong.
Be prepared to forgive each other for the smaller things. Decide beforehand what your boundaries are so you can tell whether or not there has been a major issue regardless of your emotional state. This will help you to react in a calm and collected manner, instead of flying off the handle because you’re upset.
7. Try Again
Now that you and your partner have mapped out a plan for reconnecting, it’s time to step into action and give it another chance. This can feel like a celebratory moment, and it is! Take a moment to appreciate you and your boyfriend for putting in the time and effort to rekindle a romantic relationship.
Starting over in a relationship is like living a new life with your best friend. Here are some ways you can show up fully and authentically with each other now that you’re both committed to making things work again:
Give the Relationship a Fresh Start
You may want to go back and re-do some of your first dates or major milestones in your relationship. This can help give it new life, as well as show off how much you’ve changed since then. It also helps to make the relationship feel new and exciting again.
You may want to do something like changing your relationship status on social media or updating the way you refer to each other.
In some cases, it may be best to completely cut ties with the past and start over fresh. This might mean making different plans and being open to outings you may not have tried in the past.
This can help to remind you both that there’s something new to discover about each other, no matter how long you’ve been together.
Be Patient and Forgiving
Reconnecting with an ex can be a slow process, so it’s important to be patient. You may not see immediate results, but if you’re both putting in the effort, things will get better.
The same goes for forgiving each other. It’s not going to happen overnight, and it may take some time before you’re both completely over the hurt that was caused. Just know that it’s worth it in the end.
When you’re struggling with having patience for your partner, try to think about how you would want them to behave if the situation was reversed. Would you want them to be patient with you? The answer is most likely yes, so try and extend that same courtesy to them.
Make Time for Each Other
One of the best things about getting back together with your ex is that you already have a strong connection with each other. Make time for that by going out on dates or just hanging out together in a relaxed environment.
You may want to rediscover things you used to enjoy doing before, like favorite restaurants and activities from your past.
If other areas in your life make it hard for you to prioritize the relationship, it’s time to take a hard look at them and decide where you’re willing to change.
For example, if work is taking up all of your time and you hardly have time to see your boyfriend, you may want to re-evaluate your priorities.
This is not only a good idea for maintaining the relationship but also for being happy in general.
You may need to ask your boyfriend to make time for the relationship as well. While it’s important for him to live his own life, he also needs to make you feel special by regularly making time for you.
Make sure not to ask him in an accusatory or demanding way, which may rub him the wrong way and make him need space from the relationship. You can also help him by giving him suggestions on how he can connect with you more regularly.
Perhaps you would appreciate receiving more phone calls from him or having a movie night once a week so you can both decompress. If you help him to come up with ideas for being more involved, he will be more optimistic when it comes to making positive changes in the relationship.
Celebrate Every Milestone
As you progress through your relationship, make sure to celebrate every milestone, no matter how big or small. This will help to keep the excitement going in a positive way, and remind you both of why you fell for each other in the first place.
You can celebrate by going out to dinner, planning a weekend getaway, or just exchanging gifts. You can even engage in a new hobby together if you’re looking to shake things up.
It’s important to keep the good times rolling and help remind yourselves why you’re together in the first place. This will make it easier when tough times come around down the road.
Send Loving Texts and Phone Calls
You can also make your relationship feel new by sending loving, thoughtful texts. If you used to do this often but stopped once things went sour, now is the time to bring them back into play. You might even consider using some emoji or gifs that let him know how much you care about him.
Here are a few ideas for loving texts you can send while you wait to hang out with your boyfriend in person:
“I’m so excited to see you soon!”
“Thanks again for being with me. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.”
“Thinking of you and wishing you’re here with me.”
“You’re always on my mind.”
“Miss you already.”
Phone calls are also a great way to show your partner how much you care about him, especially if he’s been busy. You can call him during the day just to say hello and check in, or even send a voicemail with a loving message.
Make sure not to bombard him with calls or texts, however. If you send him a text every day when he doesn’t respond for four days in a row, it may leave him feeling suffocated and needing space from the relationship again.
If you feel like his lack of response is making your anxiety worse, try practicing mindfulness to calm yourself down. Mindfulness can help reduce stress and anxiety and allow you to focus on the present moment.
Keep Romance and Intimacy Alive
One way to keep the romance and intimacy alive is by always trying something new in bed. This doesn’t have to be anything crazy or out of the ordinary, but just enough to keep you both on your toes.
Since you have already had a break up, it’s safe to say you two are now in a long term relationship. And it’s important to have a healthy sex life to enjoy all the other aspects of your relationship.
A healthy sex life starts with an honest conversation. Take some time to ask your partner if he is satisfied in the bedroom. Be ready to hear the truth, and don’t judge him for saying it. Instead of feeling insecure about his response, concentrate on getting to a plan of action that could help both of you feel more satisfied in this area of life.
You can up the romance in your relationship by doing small things such as writing a poem for your partner, letting him know how beautiful you think he is, or even simply by gazing lovingly into his eyes from time to time.
These small gestures will make a big difference in the relationship, especially over time.
8. Keep Working on The Relationship
Now, you’ve gotten your ex boyfriend back and are on the path to creating a healthy relationship. At this point, it’s important to remember that a relationship is a longterm process that takes time and effort.
Here are some ways that you can continue to improve and evolve as a romantic partner:
Focus on Mental Wellbeing
One of the best things you can do to stay happy and healthy in your relationship is focusing on mental health. Working on a happier life through therapy or practicing mindfulness, meditation ,and yoga will help you feel more satisfied with who you are as an individual.
All of these practices focus on one main concept; being present in the moment. This is important because when we spend our time dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, it takes away from enjoying this moment of life.
If you struggle with mental wellbeing or find yourself obsessing over your relationship, be sure to check out some books by authors such as Thich Nhat Hanh . His ideas are based around mindfulness and can help reduce stress in relationships while increasing happiness.
Focus on Physical Health
Just as it’s important to focus on mental wellness, physical health should also be a priority in any relationship. This means making time for exercise and eating a balanced diet .
When we’re physically healthy, it shows in our relationships. We’re more likely to feel happier and have more energy, both of which are important factors in a successful relationship.
If you want to be the best version of yourself in the relationship, make sure you get enough sleep, water, nutritious food, and sunlight during the day.
You’d be surprised how many relationship issues are actually just unaddressed physical ailments. By taking care of these areas of your life, you won’t make the mistake of taking your problems out on your partner.
It’s also important to grow your mind and continue learning. Whether it’s reading new books, taking online courses, following a youtube channel, or simply expanding your knowledge base on a particular topic, growth of the mind is crucial to personal development and satisfaction in life.
If you need help getting started with adding more educational material into your daily routine, check out people on social media accounts, youtube, or a blog that help to educate on specific relationship issues you want improvement in.
In this day and age, there are so many online creators that you should be able to find a good fit for your needs.
There are also reddit forums, Facebook groups, and other social media platforms focused on helping people in relationships.
The important thing is to find something that interests you and stick with it! Your relationship will only grow stronger as you continue working on it.
See a Therapist or Counselor
If you feel like the relationship issues are too big to handle on your own, it can be helpful to see a therapist or counselor. These professionals will talk with both partners and help them learn how to communicate more effectively through listening, empathy, and outside perspective.
They’re also great at helping people understand what they truly want out of life, so consider seeing a therapist or counselor if you want help with the individual parts of your life as well.
Therapy has much less of a stigma attached to it than before, so there’s no need for you to be embarrassed about the things you want help with.
You could also start to work with a coach if you’re looking for a more personal and actionable experience.
Another option for the relationship is to pursue couples’ therapy. This is best for couples that are struggling with having certain dialogues without getting into fights, as well as couples that are dealing with betrayal such as lying and cheating in the relationship.
In couples’ therapy, both partners will be able to share their thoughts and feelings openly in a safe and judgement-free environment. The therapist will then provide feedback and help the couple work through any issues they’re facing.
This type of therapy is often helpful for repairing relationships that have been damaged very deeply. The therapist will help hold both people accountable to treating each other with respect and will also help the couple to avoid any toxic situations that could further damage the relationship.
There are many different types of therapy and counseling that can be beneficial for relationships, so don’t feel like you have to stick with just one! Try out a few until you find something that feels like it’s helping you in the right way.
Here are some common questions that women have when they’re trying to get their ex boyfriend back:
What Makes a Man Come Back After a Breakup?
There are usually many different reasons why a man would want to return to a relationship after stepping away. Some of the most common reasons include:
He Still Loves You and Wants to Be With You
After some time apart, your ex boyfriend may realize that he still loves you and wants to be with you. This can often happen after he’s had time to reflect on the relationship and what he’s missing out on by being apart from you.
It tends to happen more often in longer term relationships where both people have had some time to develop more serious feelings beyond the honeymoon phase.
If the good times overall weigh out the bad times, this is a healthy response to a break up and you may want to consider giving the relationship another chance.
He’s Dependent on Your Relationship
After a bit of time apart, you ex boyfriend may realize that he’s dependent on your relationship and not capable of being happy without you. This can sometimes be a codependent relationship, which can be harmful for both people.
For example, he may be used to you taking care of all of the cooking and laundry around the house. If he notices that, in your absence, it’s more challenging to keep up with everything, this isn’t a valid reason for him to want to return to the relationship.
Instead of simply getting back together with you so that he doesn’t have to deal with any change or discomfort, he should try to address the underlying issues that are making him so dependent on you.
If he takes the time to do this important internal work, then there is a chance that he could return to a healthy relationship with you.
He Doesn’t Like Being Alone
Similar to the idea of codependency, your ex boyfriend may be afraid of being alone. If he’s afraid to be single and doesn’t know how to navigate the dating world, this can make him want you back in his life even more than before.
This often happens to serial monogamists, people who only date one person at a time and never really spend any time single. If your ex boyfriend is this type of person, it’s important to encourage him to explore his own independence and see what life is like without you in it.
If he realizes that he doesn’t like being alone and misses the good parts of your relationship, then there may be a chance that he returns to you.
He Fears Losing You for Good
Your boyfriend may have left the relationship because he was heated in a moment or was upset about a specific problem in the relationship. Taking space may make him see the bigger picture and realize that he may have let go of more than he wanted to.
He may fear losing you for good and this could make him want to return to your relationship with a clear, more level headed perspective about the situation as a whole. If he’s willing to be open and honest with both himself and you about his feelings, then there is definitely hope that he will come back into the relationship.
He Realizes He Made a Mistake
Perhaps your ex has left the relationship because he may feel bad about a way that he treated you in the relationship. For example, he may have been really demanding or critical and now he’s starting to regret his words and actions.
If your ex boyfriend is truly sorry for the way that he’s acted, then there may be a chance for reconciliation. He should express these feelings to you in an open and honest way, along with an apology, if possible.
Ultimately, your boundaries will determine if it’s worth it for you to forgive him and take him back. He may feel guilty, but this may not be enough to indicate that he will change moving forward and won’t do the same things that split you two up in the firs
He Forgives You and Is Ready To Move Forward
If you were the one who did something disrespectful or problematic in the relationship, some distance may allow him to calm down and stop feeling so angry about your actions.
He may be able to forgive you and let go of the past negative interactions. This can be a great opportunity for both people to apologize, move forward in positive ways, and start rebuilding trust between each other once again.
If you’re going to take another chance with the relationship and you are the one who caused a problem in the first place, it’s important to remember to work on changing your behaviors so that you don’t end up in the same place again. There are only so many chances a wounded partner will give you before walking away for good.
Do Guys Hurt After They Break up With You?
It may seem like your guy isn’t making a big deal out of the break up. He may give you the silent treatment or even act like he doesn’t care. But the truth is, guys do hurt after they break up with you.
They just tend to process and deal with their emotions differently than women do. Often times, they’ll bury themselves in work or try to distract themselves from the pain of going out with friends and having a good time.
This can make it difficult for you to know how he’s really doing and whether or not he’ll come back to you. The best thing you can do is give him some space and time to process his emotions.
If he’s able to open up to you about what he’s going through, that’s a good sign. If he seems like he doesn’t want to talk about it or is still really angry, that’s not a good sign.
In general, if he seems like he’s doing well and is moving on from the break up, then it may be time for you to do the same. If he’s struggling and doesn’t seem like he’ll get over you anytime soon, then there may be a chance for reconciliation.
How Do You Know if a Guy Is Hurt After a Breakup?
Since men respond to breakups differently than women do, it can be helpful to be able to identify signs of him being hurt. Here are some ways you can tell that your ex boyfriend has a broken heart:
He’s Really Quiet and Withdrawn
If your ex boyfriend is usually a really talkative guy, but he’s suddenly become really quiet and withdrawn, this may be a sign that he’s hurting. He may not want to talk to you or anyone else about what’s going on in his life.
You’ll know that he is quiet if he gives you the silent treatment or doesn’t even want to communicate with any of your mutual friends. If he’s in a large amount of pain, this may also extend to quietness in school, work, or any other professional environment.
He Excessively Drinks or Parties
If your ex boyfriend is suddenly out drinking or partying more than usual, this may be a sign that he’s trying to distract himself from the pain of the break up. He may feel like he needs to drink or party in order to forget about you and move on.
This behavior can often lead to destructive choices and decisions that can hurt his career, school, and relationships with others. It’s important that he takes a step back and evaluates why he’s suddenly engaging in this type of behavior.
He Acts Recklessly or Self-Destructively
If your ex boyfriend is acting recklessly or self destructively, this may be another sign that he’s hurting from the break up. He may be driving too fast, engaging in risky behaviors, or putting himself in dangerous situations.
He May also Be Acting Out or Becoming Violent
If your ex boyfriend is acting out or becoming violent, this is definitely not a good sign. This behavior could be a result of him feeling overwhelmed and helpless after the break up. He may feel like he needs to lash out at someone or something in order to release his anger and pain.
If your ex boyfriend is exhibiting any of these signs, it’s important to reach out to him and see if he needs help. He may not be ready to talk about the break up yet, but that doesn’t mean he won’t appreciate someone being there for him when he is ready.
If he’s acting aggressive or violent towards you, protect yourself by contacting a person who can help you stay safe.
He Talks About You a Lot
If your ex boyfriend is talking about you a lot, this may be a sign that he’s still hung up on you. He may be trying to figure out what went wrong in the relationship or how he can get you back.
You may hear about how much he talks about you from mutual friends or his family. It’s healthy for him to process the relationship with these people, but eventually, he will have to talk to you directly about them if he is hoping for any type of resolve.
If he is talking about your or your relationship a lot on public platforms such as social media, this is not a good sign and should be avoided. Politely ask him to stop. If he doesn’t honor your wishes, you may need to block him on these platforms. If he notices that you no longer see his posts, he may stop sharing them.
How Long Will It Take for Him to Regret Breaking up With Me?
You may be wondering how long it will take for your ex boyfriend to regret breaking up with you. Unfortunately, there is no one definitive answer to this question.
Some men may regret the decision immediately and reach out to you in an effort to reconcile. Others may take much longer to realize that they made a mistake and want to get back together with you.
Some factors that determine the length of time it will take for him to regret breaking up with you include the intensity of his feelings for you, how long he’s been contemplating the break up, and how much effort he put into carrying it out.
If your ex boyfriend is still in love with you, it’s likely that he will regret breaking up with you relatively quickly. If he was ambivalent or unsure about the relationship, it may take him a while to realize that he made a mistake.
No matter what, don’t give up on yourself. Continue to focus on your own happiness and well-being, and don’t rely on your ex boyfriend to make you feel complete. You are capable of being happy and fulfilled without him.
Also keep in mind that your boyfriend breaking up with you may say more about him than it does about you. Perhaps he isn’t ready for a long term relationship or he doesn’t know how to take the next step.
Maybe he had a trauma in a previous relationship that has held him back from committing again.
There could be many reasons why your ex boyfriend broke up with you, and it’s important not to dwell on the negative aspects of the break up. Instead, focus on allowing the time for him to decide what to do next, no longer how long it will take him.
The no contact rule states that if you give your ex boyfriend time and space, he may come back to you. So make sure not to be too pushy and take your time as well to see if he really wants to come back.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, which means that if you take the time to focus on yourself and improve your life, your ex boyfriend may see all of the positive changes in you and want to come back.
Will He Come Back to Me if I Leave Him Alone?
It’s hard to say whether or not your ex boyfriend will come back to you if you leave him alone. If he is truly done with the relationship, then it’s likely that he won’t change his mind no matter what you do.
However, if he is on the fence about breaking up with you and isn’t quite sure what he wants, then leaving him alone may be the push he needs to come back to you.
It’s important that you don’t harass him or bombard him with messages if you decide to take this approach. Let him reach out to you when he’s ready, and be prepared for the possibility that he may not contact you at all.
If he does contact you and wants to get back together, then the choice is up to you.
You may decide to wait a certain length of time until you reach out to him or decide to move on. This will be different for each person. Some people can only wait a week or two for their ex boyfriends to reconnect with them. Other people are fine with waiting several months for the connection to return.
Regardless of the length of time, it’s important to remember to return to focusing on yourself. You can’t rely on your ex boyfriend to make you happy and fulfilled in life.
There are many things that you can do to improve your life during this time, such as spending time with friends and family, engaging in new hobbies, or traveling.
No matter what, be sure to stay positive and believe that you deserve to be happy. It would be nice to be able to control the outcome and know whether or not your ex will come back to you.
But since we can’t control such things, it’s better to control the quality of your own life and be happy no matter what happens in the end.
What Are the 5 Stages of a Breakup?
You may have heard of the term “stages of grief” in a psychology class. When someone experiences the death of a loved one, there are several stages that they go through to help them process their loss and eventually move on with life.
While breakups aren’t quite as serious as losing a family member or friend, it’s still helpful to understand how you can cope with the loss and move forward.
The 5 stages of grief include:
The first stage of grief is denial. This stage usually occurs immediately after the loss and involves a lot of emotional highs and lows because you are not quite sure what happened or how to move forward with your life.
You may try to convince yourself that everything will be okay and there’s nothing to worry about, but deep down inside it’s hard for you to accept that the relationship is really over.
Your body and mind are in shock when this happens, and your systems are trying to soften the blow by denying the reality of the situation. This helps to prevent you from making impulsive or even unhealthy decisions at this point.
It gives you time to adjust to the idea of the breakup and understand what happened without it being too traumatic for you to function in even the most basic of ways.
The second stage of grief is anger. This usually comes after you’ve accepted the reality of the breakup and are starting to feel all of the emotions that come with it.
You may be angry at yourself, your ex-boyfriend, or even friends and family for letting this happen. You might lash out at people who are close to you and blame them for not being able to save the relationship.
This stage can be incredibly destructive and can lead to a lot of problems in your life if you’re not careful. It’s important to express these feelings in a healthy way, such as writing in a journal or talking to friends who will understand what you’re going through.
You may also want to consider talking to a therapist if the anger is too much for you to handle on your own. Pay attention so that you’re not punishing yourself with your anger in your day to day life. For example, over indulging in alcohol or drugs may be a sign that you’re not dealing with the anger in a healthy way.
The third stage of grief is bargaining. This usually comes after you’ve gone through denial and anger and are starting to feel some sense of acceptance about the breakup.
In this stage, you might start to make deals with yourself, such as “I’ll do anything if you just take me back.”
You might also try to get your ex-boyfriend to change his mind by making promises or telling him how much you still love him.
This stage can be dangerous because it’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy of getting back together and forget that things probably won’t work out that way.
Be careful not to make any deals or promises you can’t keep, such as promising your ex-boyfriend that you’ll change certain things about yourself if he takes you back. You should also avoid sharing too much information with him because it probably won’t help and could possibly hurt the person who wants the breakup in the first place.
It’s understandable if you want to get back together with your ex, but make sure you wait until the acceptance phase to start any kind of negotiations.
The fourth stage of grief is depression. This usually comes after you’ve gone through denial, anger, and bargaining and have started to accept the breakup.
This is often when people start to experience physical symptoms such as a loss of appetite, insomnia, or fatigue. You might also feel guilty about how things turned out and wish you could go back in time to change the way you handled them.
During this stage, it’s important that you spend as much time with friends and family members who can help support your healing process. You may feel like there is no hope for moving forward at this point, but keep reminding yourself of all the good things that are still in your life.
It’s also a time to be gentle with yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. Don’t try to force yourself out of this stage or compare your experience to others. Everyone deals with breakups differently and it’s important to respect your own process.
The fifth and final stage of grief is acceptance. This usually comes after you’ve gone through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally reached a point where you can see things clearly.
In this stage, you’ll come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over and start to move on with your life.
You might be able to look back on the relationship with some sense of clarity and realize that it wasn’t healthy. You’ll also start thinking about what you can learn from this experience so that you don’t repeat the same mistakes in your next relationship.
You may notice that you have more energy and a positive outlook on life, now that the depression has begun to lift. This isn’t to say that you will feel completely resolved about the situation, but you will start to feel more at peace with it.
How Do You Get Over a Breakup With Someone You Love?
Breakups can be painful, but there are a few things you can do to help move on more quickly.
The first step is to accept that the relationship is over. Trying to hold onto something that’s already gone will only keep you from moving on.
Secondly, it’s important to give yourself time to grieve. This doesn’t mean you have to sit in your room and cry all day, but do allow yourself to feel the pain of the breakup and mourn what you’ve lost.
Third, reach out to friends and family members who can support your healing process. Choose people who are positive, overall support you, and know how to listen without judgement.
Fourth, start focusing on yourself. What do you enjoy doing? What are your passions? What makes you happy? Make time for the things that matter to you and don’t be afraid to try something new.
Last but not least, know that it’s okay to be sad and there is no timeline for moving on. Don’t compare your experience to others or feel like you have to be over the breakup in a certain amount of time. Grief is a process and it takes time for everyone to heal.
If you let yourself go through the pain, you will get over it much faster, and overall suffer less. This is the best way to get to a healthy place and work on your self-esteem.
My name is Jenny and I love helping people with their relationships. I believe a few simple tips can help people massively improve their communication skills with their partners and really express themselves. Thanks for visiting!