Do you find that your ex-boyfriend keeps making cameos in your dreams at night? Or maybe he’s even playing the starring role…
Either way, you’re probably feeling frustrated, heartbroken, or even a mix of the two. If you’re wondering why your ex-boyfriend is always in your dreams, then you’re in the right place.
We’ll demystify what could be going on for you, and help you figure out how to make it stop.
Here’s Why Your Ex-Boyfriend is Always in Your Dreams…
You still have feelings for him.
Even if you think you’ve moved on completely, there’s a possibility there’s still some lingering strong feelings for him. The stronger the feeling, the more often you’re going to see your ex-boyfriend in your dreams.
After all, if you can’t be together in your waking hours, your mind will try to fulfill your desires at night. You’ll know this is the cause because your dreams will be pleasant or overly romantic. When it’s over, you’ll wake up with a sense of longing, wishing you could continue the dream.
There’s some kind of unresolved issue in your current relationship.
Maybe you’ve started seeing someone new since the breakup, and there’s a problem in the relationship that you’re not ready to acknowledge just yet. Sometimes, it’s scary to realize that everything isn’t perfect like we want it to be, especially after an emotional upheaval like a breakup.
You just want everything to go smoothly after because your heart needs a break. Unfortunately, there can be trouble in paradise. If there’s an aspect of your relationship that subconsciously reminds you of what ended your last one, you might start seeing your ex at night.
Your ex-boyfriend represents a failed relationship. That makes him the perfect warning that something needs to be fixed in your current one.
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You’re working through pain from the breakup.
Not all breakups are equal. Some may have been expected by both parties, so it wasn’t a surprise when the relationship came to end. Maybe you even both agreed and the relationship ended amicably.
But other breakups are especially difficult. This will be the case if one person cheated, there was any abuse, or the breakup escalated into a screaming match.
Understandably, these situations lead to pain and emotional scarring. These kinds of issues can’t just be turned off like a light switch. Your ex-boyfriend in your dreams could be your mind trying to process the hurt you’re still feeling.
You miss some aspect of the connection you had.
This doesn’t have to mean you want to get back together. There could just be one part of the relationship you’re craving, such as concerts you went to together, movies you saw, or the way you used to cook with each other.
Even if you’re in a satisfying new relationship, you might not have that one aspect you’re missing from your last one. Like with many other things, when you want or miss something enough, you’re going to see it splashed across your world in your dreams.
He’s in the back of your mind during the day.
Do you catch yourself thinking about him frequently throughout the day? Do you have to force yourself to push your ex-boyfriend out of your mind?
There doesn’t have to be any specific reason for the unwanted thoughts. If you keep having to push him out of your mind, he’s going to pop up unexpectedly at night, when you can’t make yourself stop thinking of him.
He actually represents you in some way.
Here’s a shocking idea: your ex-boyfriend could be a stand-in for you in the theater of your dreams. As weird as it sounds, it’s entirely possible.
There could be something about him that aligns with your current situation or a part of yourself you want to let go of. Remember, he’s from a relationship that’s over. He could be representing that you wish some other part of your life was nothing more than a part of the past, too.
You’re starting to let go of him.
This one might seem confusing. If you’re starting to get over him, you shouldn’t be dreaming about him, right?
Not necessarily. Oftentimes, things don’t just suddenly go away. Like we said earlier, feelings or memories aren’t like a light switch that just flicks off at some point.
It’s a gradual process. Recovery takes time, and even if you’re progressing, there’s a possibility something will remind you of your ex and trigger a dream about him.
If this is the case, when you wake up, you won’t find yourself feeling like an emotional wreck. At the most, you’ll be slightly confused, but otherwise completely okay.
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What To Do When You Can’t Stop Dreaming About Him
First, realize that this doesn’t mean your new relationship is broken.
Let’s just start by saying that if you’re in a new relationship, dreaming of your ex doesn’t mean you need to dump your current partner. It isn’t a sign that that you’re still deeply in love with your ex.
You need to only look at all the reasons we provided above to see that there are plenty of potential causes for your dreams. Some of them, such as preparing to move on from your ex, are actually pretty positive.
Even if your ex is representing some flaw in your new relationship, it’s not a sure sign of the end. It might just mean you need to have a talk with your current partner about the issue.
Take a look inside yourself and examine where you stand.
Once you’ve calmed down, prepare for a little introspection. Try to examine your own thoughts and feelings. Be open with yourself about what’s going on in your heart.
What’s the first thing you feel when you think of your ex-boyfriend? Do you feel hurt, betrayed, angry, in love, or sad? All these feelings are valid, so don’t try to suppress them.
Let the feelings rise naturally as you think of him. This will give you an idea of what’s really in your heart, and the reasons behind your dreams.
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Give yourself time to grieve and recover.
Depending on the thoughts and feelings you’ve discovered within yourself, you’ll need to allow yourself time to recover. We’ve said it before in this very post, and we’ll say it again: your emotions aren’t something you can just shut off at any time.
Recovery is a gradual process. Don’t try and squash down your feelings, or else they’ll just build up until they explode.
It’s okay to feel upset. It’s completely natural. Let yourself feel, and give yourself all the time you need to process those feelings.
Want to get back together? Take the actions to make that happen.
Okay, so what if you’ve given yourself all the time you reasonably can, and you still can’t get over your ex-boyfriend?
Maybe trying to get back together is the best course of action. It will take time, effort, and a lot of planning, but it’s not impossible.
It will start by texting. If you need some help, we recommend checking out the amazing Text Chemistry program. It’s a simple course that teaches you what to say to any guy through text that will get in his head and leave him dreaming about you.
Don’t want to get back together? Accept you may need more time to heal.
The opposite situation could be what’s going on for you: you might not want to get back together with him at all. Instead, you may have realized that your dreams are part of your effort to get over him.
That’s perfectly okay, too! One thing we always advise is that you don’t have to try and fix every broken relationship. Sometimes, the best option is to move forward independently and discover your own happiness.
However, a huge part to this is accepting that you need time to heal. Don’t expect to feel 100% over your ex overnight. Give yourself time and allow yourself to feel.
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Build the Skills to Make Yourself Any Man’s Dream
Whether you want to win your ex back over or snare the heart of a new guy, you’ll need the skills to earn a place in his nightly dreams. For that, we suggest using the psychologically proven tricks in the Devotion System.
The Devotion System is all about going beyond love – it teaches you how to get any man completely devoted to you. It was perfected by a knowledgeable relationship coach named Amy North, and we can assure you she has a lot of expertise to help you with.