When you breakup with your boyfriend, it doesn’t have to be the end.
With the right combination of texts, conversations, and other strategies, you can win him back all over again. It won’t necessarily be easy, but it is possible.
How do you do it? Texting is a great way to start.
We’ll show you what to text your ex-boyfriend to make him want you back.
Let’s start by addressing some basic concerns and things to avoid.
Think About It: Do You Really Want Him Back?
Given the nature of this post, it might seem odd to ask if you really want him back. But it’s a massively important question to ask.
Right after the breakup, you’ll be in complete emotional turmoil. One minute you might think you hate him, and the next you’ll be wondering how you could ever live without him.
Because of the inner chaos going on, you couldn’t say for sure if you truly want him back…or if you’re just getting caught up in your feelings.
That’s why we strongly recommend doing a no contact period first. A no contact period is when you decide not to communicate with your ex at all for a specific period of time.
The amount of time can vary. It can be anywhere from two weeks to a few months.
Four weeks is a pretty common average, and we recommend sticking with at least that amount of time. It will give you much more time to heal and cool off, as opposed to a minimal two-week period.
Once you’ve finished your no contact period, examine your feelings again. Do you still feel as if you want your ex back?
Look at it as objectively as possible. Think about if he treated you well, if he made you happy, and if he actually deserves to be with you again.
Don’t Make Getting Your Ex Back Even Harder With These Mistakes
Saying and doing the right things will help you get him back, but the wrong things will make it even harder.
Basically, stay away from these common mistakes, and you’ll have a much better chance:
Begging him to come back.
Yes, you miss him, and you’ve probably decided by now that you need him back in your life. You’re likely feeling an intense desire and resolve to win him over.
Don’t let it get control of you. Otherwise, what you’ll want to do is send him a long text begging him to be with you again.
There are several reasons why this is one of the worst mistakes you could make.
For one thing, it makes you look desperate. Guys know desperate when they see it, and it usually sends them running the other way.
Even if he’s not repelled by the desperation, you’re telling him that you’ll do anything to have him back…which gives him license to walk all over you.
You may want him back. You may even need him back.
But you should still only get back together with him on your own healthy terms. Don’t give him the chance to see you as less worthy than you actually are.
Related Article: Why is My Ex-Boyfriend Blocking and Unblocking Me?
Writing him love letters by text.
Another thing you’ll need to keep yourself from doing is writing him lengthy confessions of your feelings through text.
If you’re still deeply in love with him, you’ll want to tell him. Texting might seem like the easiest method of letting him know what’s going on in your heart, but it’s not a wise idea.
First of all, texting isn’t really the best medium for that. No one wants to scroll through pages and pages of text on a small phone screen.
Second, typing out a long love letter might seem romantic, but it’s more likely to overwhelm him. You just broke up, and he’s trying to work through his own feelings.
Since you can’t say for sure they’re the same as yours, don’t put the kind of pressure on him that comes with a love letter.
Keep any of your texts brief. Save the details for when you’re able to talk in person or over the phone again.
If you need more guidance on how to get your emotions across by text without driving him off, we suggest looking into texting resources. One of our favorites is the Text Chemistry course by Amy North.
It’s made many women successful texters, and we believe it could do the same for you.
Bombarding him with messages.
When someone we like doesn’t answer us right away, we start to get anxious. This anxiety is amplified to drastic new heights when you’re talking to your ex.
You’re putting yourself out there for him. If he doesn’t answer you right away, it hurts that much more because you once had a real connection.
But again, we’d like to remind you that you’re not the only one struggling with your emotions after the breakup. He may need some time to figure out how he’ll respond to you.
It’s also possible that he just might be busy. Returning to find several texts from you piled up in his inbox will turn him off faster than anything else, and he may just end up blocking you.
On top of that, it’s possible that he simply does not want to talk to you. He may be trying to move on, as much as it hurts to admit it.
In that case, sending him tons of texts will just turn you into that “crazy ex” he warns all his friends about. Don’t put yourself in that position, because you really deserve better than that.
Think he’s ghosting you? Try taking a look at our guide on what to text a guy after being ghosted.
You Might Also Like: What to Text Your Ex-Boyfriend to Make Him Jealous (Without Being Toxic)
Attacking him through text.
Our feelings get hurt after a breakup. And when we’re hurt, sometimes we like to do whatever we can to make ourselves feel like we have the power again.
That can include lashing out or attacking the ones who hurt us. In this case, the person who’s hurting you the most is your ex.
Let’s be clear: you should never waste your time attacking your ex, regardless of the situation. It will always put him on the defensive, even if you’re making valid points about his behavior.
But this is extra true when you’re trying to win him back. Insulting him, cursing at him, and harshly criticizing him will just drive him away and possibly make him feel glad you broke up in the first place.
Yes, it’s important to establish your boundaries with him and to let him know if he did something wrong. Your feelings matter, and he should know them at some point.
However, if you don’t convey these things calmly and effectively, they’ll never get through to him. Needless to say, verbal and textual attacks are not an effective way to get your point across.
Playing classic jealousy games.
This is another common mistake women fall into when they’re trying to get their ex back.
They think toying with his emotions through little jealousy games will make him realize that he needs to get her on lock down before another guy does.
It’s true that jealousy can be a good motivator. A little bit of jealousy can even be healthy, when we don’t take drastic initiatives to act on it.
But telling him you’re with someone else, sending him pictures of you looking good, or talking about how other people want you (or similar methods) are all so immature. We talk about all these toxic strategies in our guide on what to text your ex-boyfriend to make him jealous.
Take it from us: the true best way to get him green with envy is to show him that you don’t need him by being yourself and being happy…without him. He’ll start wondering why you’re doing so well, and what he has to do to make you need him.
What to Text Your Ex-Boyfriend to Make Him Want You Back
Use your success to make him jealous (completely naturally).
Want to know the easiest way to make your ex jealous?
No, it’s not going out of your way to let him know other guys want you. It’s not showing him that you had a makeover or got into better shape after you broke up.
In fact, it’s much simpler: just be your best self. As you text him after the breakup, show him that you’re doing well and getting better.
Keep your tone bright and energetic. If the conversation calls for it, tell him you’re excited for plans you have, or that you’ve been busy lately.
He’ll naturally wonder why you don’t seem to miss him.
Example: “I’m doing great! I’ve got plans this weekend that I’m really excited for. How have you been?”
Recommended Article: What to Text Your Ex-Boyfriend on His Birthday (And If You Should)
Make him smile and laugh – just like you used to.
When most people list the qualities they’re looking for in a soulmate, they put “sense of humor” near the top. We all like someone who can make us laugh.
Laughter helps roll the tension off our shoulders. It brightens any situation, no matter how dark.
And the period of time in your relationship after a breakup certainly qualifies as “dark.” You can be the light at the end of the tunnel by brightening his day with a little humor.
Like many other people, he’ll be uncontrollably drawn to your positivity. He’ll see you as the person who can be his breath of fresh air when he needs to be invigorated.
Example: Use a corny dad joke or pun – you can find plenty online.
Blow him away by keeping the conversation centered on him.
Now, this part isn’t so much about saying something specific as it is keeping a general conversational tone going.
If you were to look back at some of the best conversations you’ve had, you’d probably notice one thing: the other people in them didn’t sit there and talk about themselves the entire time. In fact, most people are more inclined to say they liked a chat if it was focused on them.
That’s just human nature. We like to talk about things we know the most about – it just so happens people usually know the most about themselves.
So try and keep the conversation focused on your ex-boyfriend. As you ask about him and comment on what he says without making it about you, he’ll just naturally get curious about you.
What’s going on with you? Why haven’t you told him much about your life?
Oh, and this is also a great strategy for getting the details on what’s going on in all aspects of his life, too…
Leave him craving your relationship with a little nostalgia.
We’ve all had those days where we can’t stop thinking about something from the past that we miss. A single good memory can have us pining for a time long gone.
You can do the same thing when it comes to your relationship. Use nostalgia to make your ex-boyfriend long for the times you spent together.
Bring up a memorable date you had or an adventure you went on with him. Reliving the best parts of your relationship with him will have him craving the connection you shared…and possibly working to rebuild it again.
Example: “Hey, remember that time we went to see *band?* Every time I hear one of their songs now, I think of that show and remember dancing with you.”
Show him you care about his passions.
Sharing hobbies makes it easy for people to bond. Think of all the times you’ve struck up a conversation with or met someone by doing something you love.
If you really want to impress him, try learning a little more about his interests after the breakup. This will be easier if you pick one that you may have been curious about already.
For instance, if your ex is into baking, you could try and hone your own baking skills. When you text him, you can let him know that you’re starting to dive into it, too, and you need his advice.
This will stroke his ego and make him feel like he’s coming to your rescue.
Example: “I’ve been learning how to bake on my own, but I just can’t make cookies like you can. Could you give me some pointers?”
Walk away from him entirely.
We know – this might seem counter-intuitive.
However, we’re all human, and as humans, we don’t always know what’s best for us. Sometimes, we want something that would actually be pretty bad for us.
That includes exes. Spend any time reading about it online, and you’ll see tons of threads where people scream, “No!” whenever a woman asks if she should text her ex.
Even if you’ve got your heart set on winning him back, walking away can still be your wisest course of action. It builds some space between you, so that you can both grow into better people without being held back by your ex.
When is this approach your best bet? We recommend letting it go if you’ve been texting him and he seems disinterested, or he’s not answering you at all.
Better to cut your losses here and move on for the time being.
Maybe someday, further down the line, your paths will cross again. And you might both be significantly better people for having taken time apart to mature.
Make Him Obsessed with You Using Text Messages
Related Article: How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back Over Text (In 3 Simple Steps)
Whether you’re chasing your ex or pursuing a new man, texting is going to need to be part of your romance plan.
You won’t be together 24/7. When people are apart these days, they communicate almost entirely through easy text messages.
The days where we’d send each other long letters are a thing of the past. If you’re not a confident texter, you’ll need to sharpen that skill to get a man hooked.
Want to know where to start? We suggest tapping into the wisdom of the specialists.
Amy North is an example of one specialist we personally trust. She’s a relationship coach who has created easy-to-use programs to enhance our dating mindset and strategies.
Her Text Chemistry course is what you’ll need to become an amazing, flirty texter.