Rejection is one of the most miserable feelings in the world.
One moment, you’re on cloud nine, maybe even beginning to fall in love…and then suddenly, you’re sent crashing back to earth.
It’s a rude awakening, to say the least, but at least some guys give you a clear rejection so you can begin healing.
So what about the guys who just seemingly disappear? Or the ones who randomly shut you out after days, weeks, or even months of successful dating?
These are the ghosts, and it would be an understatement to say they’re difficult to handle. If you’re wondering what to text a guy after being ghosted, we can help you.
Remember These Rules
He probably isn’t worth the frustration.
After being ghosted, you’re probably nursing a big bruise to your self-esteem. But here’s the thing: he’s not worth your heartache.
You’re going to hear this a lot if you ask anyone or read about it online. It sounds like a tired cliché, but it’s honestly the truth.
If he’s getting cold feet about the relationship and he doesn’t even have the decency to tell you, he’s clearly not mature enough for you, anyway.
With that in mind, depending on what you were feeling, you might need that closure. It’s also entirely possible that he’s been too busy or something has happened that has prevented him from keeping in touch.
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Take some much-needed me time to recover.
Before you even think about texting a guy who’s ghosted you, step back for a bit. You’ll need to cool off so you don’t do or say something you’ll regret later.
Take a sort of emotional vacation. Immerse yourself in something you love, whether it’s art, the outdoors, music, a new TV show, or a good book. Spend time with your loved ones and pamper yourself.
Not only do you deserve it, but these things are like bandages for an injured heart. You take time to patch yourself up when you get physically injured, so why wouldn’t you do the same for yourself emotionally?
Read Also: This is What to Text a Guy After Making Out
What to Text a Guy After Being Ghosted
Casually check up on him.
This approach is best if you’ve been seeing each other or talking to each other for some time. It is not for the guy that you haven’t even been on the first date with yet or the guy you’ve just started talking to.
If you’ve been on several dates and you were really feeling a bond with him, it’s concerning when he’s suddenly gone. There’s nothing wrong with checking on him to make sure everything is okay.
Keep these kinds of texts short and courteous. Don’t get overly emotional, or it will look as if you’re trying to beg him to talk to you again.
And trust us when we say, that’s beneath you.
- “Hey, I haven’t heard from you in awhile. Is everything okay?”
- “Long time no talk. I’m just checking in to see how it’s going.”
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Don’t text him at all.
When it comes to a ghostly guy, we honestly think this is the best way to go.
Unless some emergency has happened (in which case it’s understandable for him to fall out of touch), he’s already shown you that he can’t be bothered to text you. He’s demonstrated a lack of courtesy that everyone – including you – deserves.
This also gives you the time you need to move on. It doesn’t draw out a fading relationship unnecessarily, and above all, it won’t make you look desperate.
At a minimum, it puts you on equal ground with him. Sometimes, you just need to walk away.
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Let him know it hurt your feelings.
Do you find yourself unable to move on? Then it may be wise to seek a bit of closure by expressing this to him.
However, don’t go overboard here. Resist the urge to rant, send him multiple texts in a row, or get too emotional.
Our suggestion is to keep it short, sweet, and to the point. A text that’s well-written and brief could make him realize what he’s done wrong and apologize to you.
Even if he doesn’t actually apologize, it might prevent him from doing it again. It could stop a serial ghost from going on to hurt other women, and that’s worth the effort, isn’t it?
- “Hey, it’s been awhile since you talked to me. I’m assuming we’re both in agreement that it’s not going any further, but I would appreciate it if you’d be honest with me about it.”
- “I know it’s been some time since we last talked, but I wanted to ask you to just tell me if you’re not interested. Saying nothing comes across as rude.”
- “Hello, I’m just following up with you. I would appreciate if you told me you didn’t want to keep seeing each other. It’s okay if your feelings have changed.”
things You Absolutely Shouldn’t Text Him After He’s Ghosted You
You’ve probably noticed that the list of options you have for texting him are a tad limited. That’s because there’s honestly not as many options that are good in the long run.
There are many things you might be tempted to do, though. When we’re hurt, we like to lash out – it’s an instinct.
That being said, here are things you should avoid doing at all costs:
Swear at him.
You feel a mixture of emotions once you’re hurt. Sadness, anger, anxiety, low self-esteem…all of these things combine to make you a volatile emotional mess.
To make yourself feel better, you might get tempted to get even by venting at him. Here’s our advice: don’t.
Swearing at him, even in just one or two words, will make you look immature. You’ll come off as the lower person, and you’ll probably regret it later.
Take the high road here, and don’t waste your time. The brief satisfaction you’d feel is not worth it.
Send him a novel or rant at him.
If you’ve decided to go with one our recommendations and let him know how you’re feeling, keep it short. Resist the temptation to send him a long message describing your every feeling and how he wounded you, even if it’s all true.
Don’t expend all this energy into an emotional description. You risk getting into an unnecessary fight with him as he attempts to justify his actions or shrugs you off.
At worst, you could end up being the woman he jokes to his friends about as a warning.
Another thing you might want to do is get in the last word with a witty insult.
It might make you feel as if you have the upper hand momentarily. He might even feel stung or wounded by it.
But it won’t get you anywhere in the long run. It’s not a good look for you, and we know you’re better than that.
Beg him to come back.
If he seemed like a good match for you, you might start planning how to get him back.
You might start typing out a plea or message designed to change his mind. Maybe you’ve got the perfect, poetic thing written to express your budding feelings for him.
The problem is, this makes you look desperate. Even if you write a moving message worthy of an award, there’s a good chance he’ll continue to ignore you.
If he actually answered, he’ll likely think less of you. Worst of all, you’ll have shown him that he can walk all over you, and you’ll keep asking for him to come back every time.
That’s definitely not a stellar foundation to build a relationship on.
Further Reading: What to Text a Guy to Catch His Attention (Without Seeming Clingy)
Anything to try to make him jealous.
When we think of our exes, a common response is to wonder if they’d get jealous if they saw you happy now…even when you think you’re over them.
It can be the same for a guy who’s ghosted you. You may want to send him something showing him you’re better off or rub something in his face.
In short, it’s not worth your time. There’s no reason to text him things he doesn’t need to know.
If anything, leaving him alone has the greatest potential to get in his mind and make him wonder how you’re doing.
Text him more than once in a row.
So what happens when you message him once with one of our recommended texts, and he doesn’t answer? Should you send him another one?
The answer is a resounding no.
Sending more than one text in a row is fine with friends, family, or guys you’re in an established relationship with. But doing this to a guy who’s just started ghosting you is only going to push him even further away.
so What If He Gets Back in Contact?
Did he have a good reason for ghosting you? Then proceed as normal – with a little caution.
Sometimes life gets in the way. It’s entirely possible he had a valid cause for the radio silence, like a family or medical emergency that demanded his attention.
If he’s got a reason like this, we say text him as you did before the ghosting happened…but be on the lookout for him pulling future Houdini-style disappearing acts on you.
When you see a pattern happening like this time and time again, he’s probably messing with you. Show him the door to your life and let him go.
He just texted you out of the blue again with no explanation.
What if you’ve started to move on with your life and get over him, and he texts you again out of nowhere as if nothing happened?
Without any kind of explanation from him, it sounds like he might have gotten bored. At the very least, it’s pretty insensitive for him to randomly pick up the conversation as normal.
Decide whether or not you think he’s worth your time at this point. Our opinion, though, is that he’s likely not worth the effort.
This might be a good time, however, to explain that what he did was hurtful in a calm and reasonable tone. It’s possible you can get him to understand how it was wrong and not to do it again in the future.
Do you need a little guidance on how to interpret his texts? Amy North’s Text Chemistry Course is the perfect resource to help you decode his motives.
He’s not necessarily talking to you, but he’s liking your posts or pictures on social media.
If you’ve gotten to a point where he follows any of your social media accounts, you might run into him reacting to your pictures or posts.
This is a controlling and manipulative trend. When he can’t take the time to text you back, there’s no reason for him to try and steal some of your attention with this kind of tactic.
Our advice? It might just be better for you to unfriend him.
That will save you some heartache and give you the breathing room necessary to move on.
If You Need Help Putting Yourself Back Out There
Related Article: What to Text a Guy After He Cancels a Date (To Make Him Regret It)
When you’re ready to get back out there and find yourself a good guy, you might feel a little unconfident after the last one ghosted you.
That’s perfectly normal. If you need a confidence booster, we suggest trying out the Text Chemistry Course by relationship expert Amy North.
She’ll break down different texting techniques for you so you’ll always have something to fall back on when you’re not sure what else to say.