DATE AT AN EXPERT LEVEL
Have you just slept with this guy, and you’re wondering what happens next?
In short, the answer is communication. It’s up to you both to decide where you go from here, and communication will get you from Point A to Point B.
If you’re not sure what to text a guy after sleeping with him, we’ll lay down a bunch of options for you. No need to stress about what to say next.
But before you even start typing out that text, you’ve got one important step to take.
Step One: Define Your Expectations.
The very first thing you need to figure out is what you want. You don’t usually go on a trip without first deciding what the destination is, and relationships can be the same way.
Your relationship can go in three main directions from here:
- Committed/romantic relationship
- Rejection or staying platonic
Casual or friends-with-benefits relationships:
One huge misconception you’ll see everywhere is that women only want long-term relationships resulting in marriage.
We know that just isn’t the truth.
Women have needs, too. And there’s nothing wrong with seeking to have those physical needs met.
When you’re looking for a casual connection, make sure you communicate this to your guy. Stay out of overly emotional conversations that imply you’re searching for a commitment.
Do feel free to send him sexy selfies and delicious descriptions of everything you’ll do to him (and what you want him to do to you). However, like with all things, restrain yourself a little so you also don’t seem too available.
With a little distance here and there, you can portray an air of mystery that will have him begging for you.
Committed and romantic relationships:
If you are on the market for a commitment, things get a bit trickier. Getting into a relationship is a bit like a dance, and it requires calculations from all people involved.
You won’t want to let yourself get snared in too many super sexual conversations. He’ll quickly get the idea that he can just use you for easy sex whenever, then.
But you also don’t want to immediately force him into conversations about feelings or dating right away. Make sure to exercise self-control here, or you’ll scare him off.
Like with casual relationships, don’t make yourself seem too available to him. Don’t answer him instantly and remember to take time for yourself, or else there won’t be any fun in the chase for him.
What if you want to reject him after sleeping with him?
Here’s another truth we don’t always see: sleeping with a guy doesn’t have to mean anything more.
You don’t need to keep hooking up with him, and you don’t need to go on to date him, either. In fact, if you don’t want anything beyond the one time you slept with him, that’s fine.
But you’ll need to be honest with him about it. We know – that’s hard and awkward.
You don’t like it when someone plays with your emotions, though. By being honest with him, you won’t be playing with his.
What to Text a Guy after Sleeping with Him
The basic checkup text.
One of the absolute easiest ways to get someone talking to you is just ask them a basic “how are you” type of question.
We know. It sounds boring, but trust us here.
Read Also: What to Text Him
Texts like these are perfect for when you’re not sure what else to say. You won’t look like you’re trying to force him into a relationship and you won’t look clingy.
It’s an effortless way to get a conversation going. That will give you time to gauge his reaction and read into his tone while you talk.
- “Hey, what’s up?”
- “What are you up to today?”
- “How was your day?”
- “How are you doing today?”
Flirt with him.
This is what you should do if you think you’re developing feelings for him, but don’t want to dump all these emotions on him yet.
Send him light, fun, and flirty messages. They’ll be guaranteed to make him smile at his phone, whether he’s at work or hanging out with his friends.
Don’t go overkill on the flirting here, though. While it’s important to convey your interest to him, you don’t want to drive him away, either.
- Send him a terrible pickup line.
- Send him a cute selfie of your gorgeous smile or you doing something fun.
- “I’ve been thinking about you a lot today.”
- “I can’t believe how much I’m missing you already.” (Careful with this one – make sure he’s been showing you romantic interest first.)
You Might Also Like: What to Text a Guy Before Bed (To Make Him Want You)
Ask him out on a date.
Read Also: This is What to Text a Guy After Making Out
It might seem drastic. But if you felt something for him, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t ask him out.
Take our advice, though. Avoid seeming clingy or too anxious to see him again by making plans that are in the immediate future.
Also, don’t make him feel like you’re trying to rope him into a commitment he might not be ready for. If he hasn’t already expressed a desire for a commitment, make your date fun, casual, and something relating to his interests.
In other words, don’t make it a black tie affair at a five-star restaurant.
- “I’ve got an extra ticket to this show next weekend if you’d like to come with me?”
- “I’ll bet you one dinner that I can kick your butt in *video game that he plays*.”
Tease the @!#$ out of him.
Send him flirtatious messages that circle sexual topics without quite getting there. It entices him without making it too easy for him.
Above all, it’s flirty fun. He’ll be wondering what you’re getting at, and you bet he’ll hurry to answer your texts until he finds out exactly what.
Want to pump up the teasing element? Text him something like these messages while he’s in the middle of his workday.
He’ll be spending the rest of his shift staring at the clock, counting down the minutes until he can see you again.
- “I’ve been having interesting daydreams about you all day today at work.”
- “I can hardly focus on what I’m doing because you keep crossing my mind.”
- “I think there’s a good chance you’ll be in my dreams later tonight…”
For more suggestions on what you can say to set the fires of passion burning in him, we suggest Amy North’s Text Chemistry course. Using proven methods, she gives you all the information and tips you’ll need to make just about any guy obsessed with you.
Stroke his ego (and maybe something else if he’s in the mood).
People like being complimented. Guys especially love when their bedroom technique gets favorable reviews.
So compliment something he did right that night. You don’t necessarily need to over exaggerate (you might come off as insincere that way), but mention something he did that you can’t stop thinking about.
Bonus: since he’ll know now how much you liked it, he’ll be encouraged to do it again and again if you sleep with him in the future.
- “I keep replaying when you *something he did* over and over again in my head…”
- “Where did you learn to do that? It was amazing!”
- “I can’t stop daydreaming about the way you use your lips.”
Boldly tell him you’re ready for an encore.
Some guys can be a little clueless. For these types, you need to spell it out for them.
If what you want is to keep hooking up with him, getting more action from even the most clueless guy isn’t hard to achieve. You can amaze him with your go-getter attitude by just telling him you want him in your bed again.
However, you’ll need to limit these texts a bit. You don’t want to seem like you’re waiting on his every word.
Again, don’t let yourself seem too available here. A little distance can go a long way, and keep him from getting bored of you.
- “Want to touch this again?” –Followed by a naughty picture of yourself.
- “I haven’t even shown you my best tricks yet. Wanna meet me in my bed again and I’ll give you a proper demonstration? ;)”
- “I can’t get enough of you…”
Reject him as nicely as possible.
If you just didn’t have any chemistry or you don’t want to hook up again, be open with him about it. Don’t lead him on.
This doesn’t mean be overly harsh with him, though, either. Unless he repeatedly doesn’t get your hint, tell him as gently as you can that you’re not interested.
When the guy in question is your friend, this is especially important. The wrong words could damage your friendship permanently.
- “I have to be honest with you. While I enjoyed seeing you last night, I don’t see us going any further romantically or sexually.”
- “I’m really sorry if you feel differently, but I just want to let you know that I think it’s best if we stay just friends.”
Don’t text him at all.
The silent approach works best if you don’t want to see him again, or if you’re waiting for him to text you first.
Be warned: the disadvantage to this method is that he might not text you at all. If you’re interested in him, that’s obviously not the outcome you’re looking for.
The benefit to this approach is that it might make him want to chase you more, because you’re being hard to get. It’s human nature to want things you can’t have sometimes, and that’s why not texting him first is high risk and high reward at the same time.
Further Reading: What to Text a Guy to Catch His Attention (Without Seeming Clingy)
What NOT to Text Him After Sleeping with Him
Don’t confess your love to him or anything else overly emotional.
Sex can be a powerful experience for many women. The release of chemicals and hormones in our bodies during this intimacy can be intoxicating.
You might feel inclined afterward to try and convince him into a relationship. It’s too easy to become overwhelmed by feelings and the temptation to send him a lengthy love letter by text.
Here’s our suggestion: if you’re feeling this way, step back and take a breather for a bit. He might not have attached the same meaning to the sex as you did, and coming at him with heavy emotions could smother the beginning of an otherwise healthy relationship.
Avoid forcing him to define your relationship or to make a commitment.
Another thing you might be tempted to do is bring up the standard “what are we” talk after sex. You might want him to put into clear words what his feelings are or you might feel the need to get him to agree to be in a formal relationship right away.
One word: don’t. Let these topics come up naturally, and approach them with caution.
Just like you’ll need time to sort through your own thoughts, he’ll need his time and space. However, if he starts to bring it up first, or asks you on a date again, feel free to approach the possibility of a relationship further down the line.
Stop yourself from sending him strings of texts in a row.
When we enjoy spending time with someone, we want to hear from them as much as possible. Too much of a good thing, though, can lead to the magic fading away.
So give him some space. You may want to get an answer form him or keep a conversation going for fear the chemistry will die otherwise, but if you smother him, you’ll just drive him away.
Stick to one text at a time. Let him respond when he’s able.
Believe us when we say giving the relationship some breathing room will make you much happier in the end.
Worried that he’s going to ghost you? Read our guide on what to text a guy after being ghosted.
Also, slow down the texting a bit.
After a good time together, it’s natural to want to talk to him now more than ever. But don’t let that make you look desperate.
Just like you shouldn’t text him multiple times in a row, you shouldn’t make yourself seem “too available,” either, or like you’re waiting on his every word.
Take some time to relax and breathe before you respond to any of his texts. Even if all you’re doing is spending some time at home binge watching a new series, taking time will help you formulate the best response and show him you have a life outside for him.
If You Get Stuck in a Relationship Rut, There’s More You Can Do
Related Article: What to Text a Guy After He Cancels a Date (To Make Him Regret It)
Sleeping with a guy is a big step to take for a lot of women. The period of time days after the sex is crucial to developing a loving relationship or even snagging him for a casual setup.
It can be so difficult to both interpret his texts to you and figure out what you should send him back. If you feel like you need some more insight into a man’s mind, you can’t go wrong with the Text Chemistry program by Amy North.
With her guidelines, you’ll have no problems tantalizing your man – both his mind and his body.