DATE AT AN EXPERT LEVEL
You’ve just finished your first date. At best, it’s gone so well that you’re counting down the moments until you see him again, and worst…well, you’re probably hoping not to have a repeat performance.
No matter how it went, though, it’s not over yet. Now comes the hard part: figuring out what to text him, whether it’s to fan the flames or let him down gently.
Sending those texts can tick your anxiousness up to eleven. You might spend hours carefully typing and deleting drafts until you find just the perfect one, only to realize after you send it that maybe it wasn’t so perfect, after all.
Okay, so just what kind of things can you text a guy about after your first date?
No need to call up your closest friends to help you craft the perfect message. We’ve done some of the brainstorming for you.
But first, let’s address some common questions you might have now that the date is over.
When should you text him after the first date?
If you’ve been nervously combing the internet for tips on how long to wait until you text him after the first date, you’ve probably seen the three-day rule.
There are tons of people out there who will tell you that you need to wait at least three days.
So you don’t smother him with attention, come off as clingy, and drive him away.
But we don’t necessarily think you have to wait that long. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes: how would you feel after a first date if you didn’t hear anything for days?
You’d probably feel miserable and anxious the entire time, especially if it went well. There would be replays of the date from start to finish constantly going on in your head.
Guys get anxious, too. A quick search online can show you tons of guys have this exact same question about how long to wait.
So go ahead – text him sooner than those three days. But we strongly suggest not making it too soon, because a text moments or sometimes even a couple hours after the date can seem desperate.
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How much should you text him between dates?
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When you’re attracted to someone, it’s a no-brainer that you’ll want to keep talking to them. But when it comes to conversations in between dates, that might not be such a great idea.
If you’re constantly texting him after your first date, you can come off as clingy and overeager at the worst.
Even if you don’t turn him off that way, there’s a chance you could exhaust conversational topics that would be much more fun to have in person.
Feel free to carry out a conversation here and there, but other than that, talk just enough to make your next plans. This will show him that you have a life outside of him, and that you won’t constantly need his attention.
At the end of the day, a confident woman with a life of her own is a sexy woman. Less can sometimes be more, and your guy will go crazy wondering about you in between conversations and dates.
Things to Text a Guy about After a First Date
Ask him about an activity or hobby he mentioned.
Want to know the number one trick to seeming like you’re an irresistible conversationalist?
It’s so easy. Here’s the secret: listen.
Your guy will probably tell you a little bit about himself on your date, and if you’re listening, you can retain some of this information. If he tells you about some of his hobbies, use this to your advantage.
Bring up something you’ve learned about him later, such as something he loves doing in his spare time. You could potentially do it together.
Many men love feeling like they’re in charge. You can give him the opportunity to teach you about his hobby while giving him a nice ego boost at the same time.
Example: “Snowboarding sounds really interesting. Would you mind teaching me sometime?”
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Make him remember a high point from the date (and how much he loved being with you).
Send him a message about one of your favorite parts of the date – one where you couldn’t stop smiling or laughing. Taking this quick walk down memory lane will remind him how much he loved being with you, especially if the date was a success.
If you went to a movie, tell him your favorite part of the movie. If you went to a concert, tell him your favorite song from the show.
Did he tell you a joke that really cracked you up? Relive it with him by letting him know it’s still making you laugh later.
Example: “I loved the movie last night! I still can’t believe the killer was him, can you?”
Stroke his ego a bit.
Think about how a good compliment makes you feel. You probably get a little burst of warmth and a smile you can barely control – if you can control it at all.
Inspiring this same warmth in your guy is one way to get him addicted to you. Uplifting his ego a little shows him you’re paying attention.
Let him know if you thought he looked irresistible. Tell him something about him that impressed you.
You do need to be careful here, though. Don’t overload him with compliments, or you could come off as both desperate and insincere – and kill the possibility of a second date.
Example: “I can’t believe how much you know about that band! I’d love to learn more.”
Read Next: What to to a Text a Guy You Like
Casually mention when you’re free next (hint hint).
Not sure how he’s feeling? Unfortunately, guys aren’t always crystal clear.
Don’t worry, though. You can test the waters with a simple text.
Throw out casually the next time you’re available. You’ll need to practice caution with this method, though, because you risk sounding too eager if you send it too soon.
You also don’t want to mention a time that’s too soon, or else you’ll seem like you’ve either cleared your schedule for him or don’t have any friends. Both of those things could send him running.
Wait a little while. Then send a basic text telling him you’ve got nothing going on in, say, a week or so.
Then sit back and wait for him to bite.
Example: “My plans next weekend fell through. Got any suggestions on what I should do?”
Ask him what he’s up to.
You might be worried about sounding too boring.
But here’s the thing: it’s okay to send that text that seems too blah sometimes. You don’t need to constantly go over the top.
Here and there, sending him that plain, boring text puts the ball in his court.
Bonus: it can also show him a slight distance or coldness that will really get in his head, especially if you don’t use it to try and get another date right away. He’ll think he needs to up his game to secure his place in your heart.
Example: “What’re you up to today?”
Take the initiative – ask him on the next date yourself.
Here’s one of the basic truths about dating: confidence is sexy.
Take a moment to think about it. Which would you rather have: the handsome guy who constantly second-guesses himself and can never make up his mind, or the less attractive guy who knows what he wants, is direct with you, and sweeps you off your feet?
Chances are, you said the second one. It shouldn’t surprise you then that nothing turns a guy’s head more than a bold and confident woman.
If the date went well and you know you’re both feeling the chemistry, stun him by taking initiative. Men are constantly told they have to chase women, and nothing will dazzle him quite as much as a woman who occasionally does a little hunting herself.
Of course, keep it in check. You have to save some of the sport for him, too.
Example: “I’ve got a two tickets to the show on Thursday night next week. If you’re interested, the second one could have your name on it.”
Up your quirkiness and ask him a unique question to get the ball rolling.
The thing about dating today is it can get so boring after awhile. You’ll hear some things time after time.
The same pickup lines, the same excuses, the same ice breakers…it gets old.
Don’t let this happen to you. Set yourself out from the crowd with a fresh conversational topic that will snare his interest.
Not sure what to say? There are tons of fun questions online to look up.
You could also check out Amy North’s Text Chemistry Course. With years of experience researching romance, she covers tons of options for things to say if you find yourself running out.
Example: “Hey, I was just talking about this with some friends and would love to hear what you have to say. If you won the lottery tomorrow, what would you spend your fortune on?”
Keep it bright and positive.
Have you ever talked to someone who was always negative? They probably made you feel drained with every single conversation, right?
Eventually, you start avoiding people like that. Your guy will do the same thing if you’re constantly sending him negative things.
Shed a little light in his life by sharing something positive that happened to you that day, and tie him into it somehow. For instance, if you had a really good cup of coffee and you remember him saying he liked coffee, feel free to talk about that.
A word of caution, though: this doesn’t mean you should text him about every little thing that happens to you in a day, even if it’s all positive. You’ll end up boring him fast that way.
Example: “I just had the most amazing coffee this morning from this café. It reminded me of talking to you about coffee – I think you’d love it.”
If you’ve got the chemistry, send him a cheesy pickup line and challenge him to send his best one back.
They may border on cringe-inducing levels of cheesiness, but everyone still loves a good (bad) pickup line.
Got an especially funny one? Share it with your guy and challenge him to send you his worst one back.
Make it extra fun by turning it into a competition. Whoever loses the pickup line contest has to pay for the next date.
Then sit back and watch him flood you with texts as he tries to outdo you.
Example: “I bet you a coffee date I can come up with the worst pickup line. I heard from my doctor that I need more vitamin u. Got one worse than that?”
Your honest feelings.
Talking about your honest feelings with him can clear the air, especially if you’re just not feeling him after the first date.
You don’t like when someone wastes your time, so don’t do the same to him. Don’t beat around the bush.
Send him a polite text that you’re just not feeling the chemistry. If you still want to stay friends with him, suggest an outing with a group of friends next time.
On the other hand, if you actually are feeling it, let him know in a way that isn’t over the top. Don’t confess your undying love for him, but feel free to let him know you’re looking forward to the second date.
Example: “I had a great time last night, but I’m just not feeling the chemistry,” or, “I had an amazing time with you last night. I’m definitely looking forward to round two.”
Challenge him to a game.
Here’s another way to compete with him. If he’s a gamer, you know already he has a competitive nature.
Take advantage of that competitive nature by issuing him a challenge in a game.
The stakes? Winner buys the next dinner.
It accomplishes two things: it gets him to see you again, and secures that second date you’re waiting for.
Example: “I bet you I can kick your butt in *game.* Loser buys the next dinner.”
Send him a funny video or meme.
This one might depend on your age a little, but could be pretty effective.
These days, pretty much everyone has a few funny pictures saved to their phone. We definitely have a few that we look at when we need a little pick-me-up.
If you see any that remind you of your guy, send him one. It’s a low-effort way to show you’ve got a great sense of humor.
Don’t have any to send him? That’s okay – you can loop him by asking him to send you the best he’s got for a laugh.
Show him you care and make it all about him by asking him how he’s doing.
One thing many people have in common is that they love talking about themselves.
It doesn’t make them selfish. It’s just easier to talk about something you know well, especially in a dating situation where all parties involved could be nervous.
You can use this psychology to your advantage. By making the conversation about him, he’ll think you’re fun to talk to.
Open that door a bit by asking him how he’s doing that day.
A simple message like, “Hey, how are you doing today?” can show you care about what he has to say. Pay attention to his tone, and feel free to follow up his response with a brief comment or question as the situation calls for it.
Something go wrong on your date? Let him know you can deal with it by shrugging it off in text.
We get it: dates often are far from perfect, even when they’re with great guys. Things happen.
But dates that are flops don’t have to be relationship killers. These moments are an opportunity to turn things around by demonstrating that you can go with the flow.
Did a restaurant mess up your order? Despite your attraction to him, was the date awkward? Send him a text to show you’ve still got your sights set on him.
Example: “Well, that was interesting. Want to give it another shot?”
Check in on him.
Did the date go really well? Is the chemistry burning between you?
If the fire between you is burning hot still hours after the date, you can send a text to check in and make sure he got home safe that night.
It’s a courteous and polite way to show you care without being too clingy.
You have to be careful here, though, because you risk coming off as desperate again if you don’t play your cards right.
Don’t inject a lot into messages like this. Keep it simple and basic, and don’t expect to rope him into a long conversation immediately afterward.
Example: “You get home okay?”
Send him a spicy message to stoke the fire.
One great way to leave him begging to see you again is stoke the fire with a hot text.
Send him something that will drive him insane with curiosity and eagerness to see you again next. Then watch him make plans to see you again ASAP.
If you’re looking for a relationship to form out of this, though, limit the sexting if you can. Leave a little bit of intrigue so he has a reason to see you again.
Example: “Definitely had dreams about you after last night. 😉 Maybe we could act them out sometime.”
Don’t text him after the first date at all, and leave him scrambling to hear from you.
Related Article: Here’s What to Text a Guy Back When He Says Hey
Can’t think of anything to text him? That’s not necessarily a problem.
One thing you can do to get in his head is simply not text him at all after the first date. Let him make the next move.
This is what you’ve heard called the “hard to get” approach. It has its risks…but it also has its insane benefits.
You’ll look confident and you’ll look like you’ve got a busy life. The entire time, he’ll be wondering what’s going on and what he needs to do catch you.
However, keep in mind this approach has the potential to backfire. With the wrong guy, this could make you look uncaring or like you don’t want to see him again.
It depends entirely on what kind relationship you’re looking for and the dynamic between you. This is a powerful approach, and could have the right guy on his proverbial knees asking to hear from or see you again.
Need a little extra help? Check out Amy North’s Text Chemistry course to drastically up your texting game and really hook him in.