DATE AT AN EXPERT LEVEL
Let’s say you’ve got this cute guy’s number.
Maybe you haven’t texted him yet. Or maybe you’ve been on a date or two, and you’re wondering how to initiate a conversation by text.
It’s also possible you’ve been talking by text for some time already, and you want to text him first one day.
Regardless of the situation, figuring out how to perfectly word that first text is tricky. You might sit there for minutes at a time, writing and deleting drafts that just aren’t good enough.
If you’re stuck on a text, then you’re in the right place. We’ll lay out some different texting strategies and give you examples of what to text a guy first that you can use for your own talks with him.
Let’s start with going through some things you should avoid texting him.
Avoid These Common Texting Problems
Texting Him Too Soon
This doesn’t really apply to you if you haven’t met him in person yet, but if you have…don’t pounce on him by text moments after hanging out.
You’ll smother him with your attention. Worse yet, you’ll appear as if you can’t survive without him, and nothing drives someone off faster than clinginess.
Step back for a bit. Let him breathe and think over the time you spent together.
The benefit to this is that it also gives him time to start missing you. He’ll be impressed by your independence, and he might even text you first instead of the other way around.
Starting With an Overly Romantic Text
It’s so easy to get sappy when you’re starting to fall for someone. You can get swept up in these warm, fuzzy daydreams about opening your heart to him, only to find out he’s been waiting for you to do so all along.
Keep those daydreams in your head for now. Don’t lead with a mushy text, especially if you don’t know him very well yet.
Not only are you making yourself vulnerable that way, but you might be scaring him off. Give some time for the foundation of your relationship to strengthen before you go in with those cheesiness guns blazing.
Want to know the fastest way to kill any conversation, no matter how well it was flowing?
One-word texts. We’ve all gotten one, and we’ve all had to resist the urge to rip out our hair over the frustration of figuring out how to interpret it or respond.
The key to being easy for your man to talk to is by providing him with ample material to answer. A cold okay, yeah, no, maybe, or even the legendary “k” gives him nothing to reply to.
Read Also: How to Text a Guy (The Ultimate Guide)
When possible, include a question in your text to make it simple for him to text you back. If he’s asked you a yes or no question that you’re responding to, add something if you can, even if it’s as minimal as one emoji.
As far as the first text in a conversation goes, steer away from those boring one-word greetings, like “hi” or “hey.” Add a question, a joke, another sentence, a story – anything so he can dig into the conversation.
Related Article: What to Text a Guy Who is Distant (To Pull Him Back In)
Examples of What to Text a Guy First
A simple greeting and question.
In just about every texting guide we write, we recommend opening with a very simple greeting like these texts. At first, they probably look mind-numbingly basic, and in a cutthroat dating field, that’s not exactly the way you want to come off.
But the truth is, you don’t always need to roll out the red carpet for him in text. Constantly striving to make yourself seem unique can sometimes end up making you look like you’re trying too hard.
Of course you should put your dazzling personality on display, but sometimes, opening with a simple greeting and question is more than fine for when you’re not sure what else to say just yet. Because you’re leading with a question, you’re increasing the odds he’ll reply, and his response should give you more to draw from to keep the conversation progressing.
- “Hey, how are you?”
- “What are you doing today?”
- “How has your day been so far?”
- “Anything interesting happen to you today?”
- “Hi, what are you up to?”
- “How are you feeling?”
- “How’s it going?”
Looking for a way you can make a grand and flirtatious entrance by text? We can’t recommend the Text Chemistry program enough.
It was designed by a relationship coach named Amy North. She has tons of experience when it comes to navigating the dating world by text, and we believe she could help any woman text like a pro.
You Might Also Like: What to Text a Guy After Exchanging Numbers (To Draw Him In)
Get him to laugh.
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One of the easiest ways to make someone like you is by getting them to laugh. That’s why so many people, men and women alike, put humor at the top of their dating wish list.
If someone can get you smiling and laughing so hard your stomach hurts, you’re going to have way more fun with them than someone who’s always serious. Sure, the strong, silent, and mysterious guy looks sexy as heck on paper, but in practice, he gets boring pretty dang fast.
Life is just better with laughter. Because of this, you shouldn’t be surprised that countless guys are looking for a lady who can split their sides with her wit and humor. Show him you can be that person by texting him a joke.
- Find a meme or video that you think he’d like.
- Send him a silly reaction gif.
- “Now that I’ve met you, it’s time to decide what to do with my other two wishes…”
- “Is it too early to start figuring out a romantic cover story for how we met to tell our families?”
- Find any other corny pickup line and send it to him for a low-effort smile.
- Snap a silly selfie for him of you making a funny face – just don’t get too crazy, like trying to make the ugliest face you can think of or anything.
- Tell him one of the funniest puns you can think of.
Dig deep and ask him something he’s never been asked before.
If you’ve been on the dating scene for some time, you might have started to see some boring patterns emerging. Dating profiles will often say the same things, you might hear the same pickup line, guys you talk to might use all the same conversation openers…there’s so much that can get old, and everything can end up blurring together so that the people you meet become utterly forgettable.
It can be the same for guys, too. He’s seen the same poses in selfies, had the same conversations with different women, and seen the same boring patterns in his own dates.
Setting yourself apart from what he’s seen before will make it impossible for him to forget you. You can do this by asking him fun and unusual questions.
If you’re unsure where to find these, you can find tons of extensive lists of unique questions online, and we’ll give you examples, too.
- “If you were stranded on an island and could only take five things with you, what would you take?”
- “What’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery tomorrow?”
- “Pick what you think my theme song would be, and I’ll pick yours.”
- “Would you rather wear shoes without socks or pants without underwear?” (Or any other would you rather type of question.)
- “What are your top three favorite movies?”
- “If you had to pick only one food to eat for the rest of your life, what would you pick?”
Recommended Article: What to Text a Guy First Without Seeming Desperate
Toss him a flirty compliment.
We all love feeling appreciated.
If you’ve seen him recently, throw him a compliment with a flirty edge. Let him know you definitely liked what you saw when you were with him.
If this is your first ever time texting him, we suggest leaving the overly emotional compliments out of it, like saying he made your heart race or something. But if you’re just initiating the day’s conversation and you’ve known him for a bit, go ahead and give the compliment a little extra with romantic words.
Make his heart flutter a bit, and he’ll wonder how you have so much power over him. It’ll be just like magic.
- “I have to say, your style is crazily handsome.” (This kind of compliment could work especially well if you met in a dating app and haven’t hung out yet, so you only have pictures to work with.)
- “You have the sexiest eyes.”
- “Your smile? It makes heart absolutely melt.”
- “The sound of your voice makes my heart skip a beat.”
- “Your lips are so soft and warm, it makes me go weak in the knees.”
- “You have such gorgeous hair. I just want to run my fingers through it.”
- “Your taste in music is amazing! I want you to be my own personal DJ.”
Just go for it already and ask him out on a date.
Further Reading: How to Text a Guy Good Morning (And Get Him Thinking About You)
You’ve got his number already, and you know what that means?
If you weren’t already friends when you got his number, it means he was interested in you enough to give it to you. Even if you were already friends and you’ve had his number for awhile, it means he wants to talk to you.
You’re in the perfect position to get him on a date with you, and if he’s a shy guy, well, you might need to step up to the plate. There’s something irresistible about a bold woman, anyway, so ask him to hang out!
Unless you’ve been on a date already, though, we recommend keeping it laid back and fun. Don’t invite him anywhere that’s extremely formal or ask him to meet your family just yet.
- “I’ve got two tickets to the game next weekend, and the second one might have your name on it…”
- “Hey, so this new bar opened up, and I’d love to go try it out, but I don’t want to go alone. Will you come with me?”
- “I was invited to this party, but I don’t really know anyone else there. Wanna be my plus one?”
- “If you’ve got the couch and the Netflix, I can bring you the best snacks and company.”
- “Want to try this restaurant with me? I’ll cover the food if you cover the handsome.”
- “I’m going to a concert this weekend, and I’ll need a dance partner. If you want to come with, I’ll show you my best moves. ;)”
- “I’m pretty confident I could destroy you in *video game he plays.* Why don’t you come over, and I’ll prove it to you?”
- “I’m really interested in learning how to ice skate (or any other hobby he has). Could you teach me sometime soon?”
- “I’m trying a new recipe this weekend. Want to come over and be the first person to taste it?”
Don’t text him first at all.
Hard to get is always an option if you’re not sure what else to do. This ancient strategy has gotten into guys’ heads for a long time.
Maybe it’s technically cheating by adding it to this list, but we thought it was worth mentioning. As you might have guessed, it means instead of texting him first, you sit back and wait for him to come to you.
It’s a potentially powerful strategy, but it has clear advantages and disadvantages.
The advantages are that you’ll appear nowhere near desperate or clingy. Instead, you’ll be putting a little distance between you two, and he’ll wonder how he can bridge the gap.
The downside is that he might also assume you’re not into him. And if he thinks you’re not interested, he might not text you first.
Keeping Him Hooked on Talking to You
Related Article: What to Text a Guy Who Keeps Blowing You Off
Your first text, while important, isn’t the end of the path to a blossoming relationship. Knocking it out of the park here doesn’t mean you’ve won him over just yet.
You’ll still need to keep talking to him to get him truly hooked on you, and that takes time and skill.
Don’t have much experience? No worries.
With resources like Amy North’s Text Chemistry course, you can get yourself up to speed and be texting him like the gorgeous goddess you are in no time at all.