DATE AT AN EXPERT LEVEL
Did you ever have a guy come back to you months after he originally disappeared? You might be wondering why he came back now and what made him change his mind.
There are several reasons why men come back months later. In this blog post, we will discuss the most common ones.
We will also provide some advice on how to handle the situation if this happens to you.
Why Do Exes Come Back Months Later?
It can be confusing when an ex comes back months later. You might be wondering why they waited so long and what has changed since the last time you spoke to them. Here are the most common ones:
1. He Needed To Work On Himself
A guy might come back months later because he needed to work on himself in some cases. He might have realized that he wasn’t happy with the way things were going in his life, and he wanted to make a change.
He may have struggled to focus on his well-being or growth while in the relationship. This isn’t to say it’s your fault that he couldn’t develop, but instead that he needed to focus on himself for a while.
This is one of the better reasons for your ex-boyfriend to come back into the relationship. If he took the initiative to focus on improving himself and becoming a better person, he would likely be a better partner for you in the future.
If your ex does come back after working on himself, take things slow. He may have had some changes in his personality or outlook on life, so it’s important to get to know him again before jumping into anything.
Hopefully, you have also taken some time to focus on yourself and invested self-care back into your life. You’ll want to be in a good place emotionally before taking on a relationship once more.
2. He Missed You
The phrase “distance makes the heart grow fonder” is quite true. When a guy is away from the person he cares about, he may miss them more and more.
This can be due to several reasons. Maybe you were the one that made him feel good about himself, or maybe he just enjoyed spending time with you.
Whatever the reason, it’s likely that he started to miss you more and more as time went on. This may have been the motivating factor for him to come back months later.
If your ex comes back after missing you, it may be an indicator that he is looking for a long-term relationship. However, it’s important to make sure that he isn’t just interested in coming back because the grass is greener on the other side.
If he quickly gets bored and misses single life after you get back together, you know for sure that he wasn’t ready for a relationship in the first place.
On the other side, perhaps missing you will inspire him to make some changes in his life. It may be a sign that he wants to make things right this time around.
It’s important to communicate with your ex about why he missed you in the first place. This will help you understand where he is coming from and whether or not he is ready for a relationship this time.
3. He Feels That He Messed Up
Sometimes it can take a significant amount of space from a relationship for a guy to realize that he messed up. Guys can be stubborn and may not want to admit that they were wrong, but it’s possible that he will eventually come to this realization.
Taking responsibility for what happens in a relationship is crucial for its survival. Both parties need to be able to communicate openly and honestly to move forward.
Taking responsibility doesn’t always happen instantaneously, however. Sometimes it can take time for a guy to see what he did wrong and how it affected the relationship.
Suppose your ex comes back after realizing that he messed up and is taking responsibility for making mistakes in the past. In that case, it’s important that he gets clear on what actions he plans on taking in the future to ensure that the same issues won’t always come back to influence the relationship.
This is one of the more difficult scenarios to deal with because it requires a lot of patience and understanding from your end.
You’ll need to be forgiving and understand that he might not get everything right the first time around. But if his heart is in the right place, it may be worth it to continue the relationship.
4. He Was Following the No Contact Rule
The no contact rule is a popular strategy often used to win back an ex. It involves cutting off all communication with your ex for a period of time.
Some people believe that this will make their ex miss them more and want to come back. Others believe that it gives them time to reflect on the relationship and what went wrong.
There is no one right answer to whether or not the no contact rule works. Some people find success with it, while others find it makes their ex resent them even more.
If your ex comes back after following the no contact rule, it’s possible that he may be interested in getting back together. However, there are a few things you’ll want to consider before moving forward.
First, you’ll want to make sure that he is taking responsibility for his actions and that he has a clear plan on how he plans on changing things in the future.
Second, you’ll want to make sure that he is actually sorry for what he did wrong and isn’t just trying to cover up his tracks.
Finally, you’ll want to make sure that he is fully committed to making things work this time.
If he was only following the no contact rule because he wanted to come back and wasn’t interested in fixing things, it’s probably not going to work out in the long run.
5. He’s Done With the Dating World
Your ex may have left the relationship because he had good memories of a time before when he didn’t have to worry about relationships.
He may have wanted to cut off the relationship to return to a less complicated time when he could date around without all the commitment.
After some time of having a less than fulfilling dating life, your man may realize that he has made a huge mistake and regrets breaking up with you in the first place.
He may miss the stability, depth, and consistency of his relationship with you and decide that dating others isn’t nearly as fulfilling as what the two of you had.
If your ex comes back after deciding that he doesn’t want to date anymore, it’s up to you to decide whether or not it’s worth it to give the relationship another try.
He may have had a change of heart and be interested in getting back together, but it’s also possible that he may just be looking to mix things up and still hasn’t figured out what he wants.
6. He Has an Anxious Attachment Style
Some people may come back to their girlfriend after leaving because they have an anxious attachment style.
People with this type of attachment often feel like they can’t be happy or satisfied in a relationship unless they are constantly around their partner.
They often feel like they need to be in control of the relationship and become very possessive and jealous if their partner starts to spend time with other people.
If your guy comes back after leaving because of this attachment style, he may not be consciously aware of this. It’s important for him to understand the root of his relationship patterns to let go of this unhealthy relationship cycle.
He can learn more about this pattern by reading books or attending counseling sessions. When he takes some time to understand how his attachment style affects his relationships, he will be in a better position to make healthy decisions moving forward.
7. He Wants to Make Things Right
Sometimes compatibility issues end up being the downfall of a relationship, and the couple cannot resolve these issues.
Your previous partner may return after a few months because he was able to take some time to come up with some solutions to the problems you had before.
For example, if you argued about money constantly, he may have realized that he needs to be more mindful of his spending and ask for your input before making any big purchases.
If your guy has actionable plans on how he can make things right, it may be worth considering giving the relationship another try.
Make sure to hold each other accountable to these plans and revisit them regularly to ensure that you are both still on the same page.
8. He Wants To Hook Up
It’s also possible that your guy may come back after leaving because he wants to hook up with you again.
He may have enjoyed the physical aspect of your relationship and missed having sex with you.
He may tell you outright that this is what he is looking for, or he may act as if he wants the full relationship again.
It’s best if he’s honest with you if he wants to reconnect in this way. This way, he doesn’t give you any false expectations of the relationship resuming as it previously was.
If you have strong feelings for him and are looking for a serious relationship, it may be best to avoid getting back together solely for physical purposes.
This could leave you feeling more hurt and go through the pain of a breakup multiple times.
9. He Wants What Is Unavailable
It’s not a healthy feeling, but your man may simply want to get back together because he is attracted to the fact that you’re unavailable.
This is a common reason why men come back months later. They want what they can’t have, and your refusal to get back together is only making things worse for them.
This is known as “the chase,” and it’s a very powerful motivator for some men. If you’re not interested in getting back together, then make it clear to your previous partner that you are not going to change your mind.
It’s important for you to have boundaries when you’re done with a relationship and make sure that your ex doesn’t have any unhealthy expectations of you when he comes back.
Remember, he only deserves to be with you if he can appreciate all of the wonderful things you’ve given to the relationship, not just the idea of playing hard to get.
10. Others Have Convinced Him To Come Back
If you had a lot of mutual friends or have intertwined your families together over the term of your relationship, these people may have encouraged your guy to come back to you.
They may have told him that he’s making a mistake or that you two are perfect for each other.
This can be a difficult situation to deal with, and there are two ways you can look at the advice and insight from your friends and family.
On one side, these people can see a bigger picture in your relationship because they look in from the outside. They may have been able to spot patterns or red flags that you didn’t see before.
On the other hand, they may be completely wrong about your relationship and only encourage your man to come back because they want to see you two get back together for their reasons.
They may not have the best intentions for either of you. And they certainly haven’t been through the ups and downs of your relationship, so they may not know what they’re talking about.
You will have to trust your gut when deciding whether or not you will continue in the same way forward with your ex.
You will also need to decide if your man came back because of his friends and family if you also trust the opinion of those people.
11. He Realized the Relationship Was Good
It can be hard to tell whether or not a relationship is a good decision when you’re in the middle of it. Strong feelings and hormones are clouding your judgment.
This is why it’s common for men to come back months later after breaking up with their girlfriends. They’ve had some time to cool down and may have realized that the relationship was good.
They may have seen how much they missed you and regret the decision to break up.
This is the mental equivalent to a pro and con list, and your guy may have just needed some time to process everything before he came back to you.
If this is the case, then it’s a good sign that your ex still has feelings for you and wants to work things out. Just be careful that he doesn’t repeat the same mistakes in the future.
Make sure that you clearly understand the good things that he appreciates about the relationship, and make sure that you agree with him.
If he can’t list anything, then that’s a bad sign, and he may be trying to get back together for another reason.
12. He Wants to Be Friends
Love life can be complicated, and sometimes it can be any easier or less conflict-filled to convert the relationship to a friendship. It makes sense that he would need to step away for some time so that the romantic feelings he used to have for you can dissipate.
It may be as a friend and not as a boyfriend when he comes back. This may be beneficial for ending fights because you won’t be as emotionally attached to the outcome.
But it can also be difficult because you may feel like he’s taking advantage of your friendship or that he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
If this is the case, make sure to set boundaries for your new “friendship.”
You don’t need to do anything that you don’t feel comfortable with, and you should never have to force yourself to be friends with someone who broke your heart.
Even though you may have relabelled your relationship, you may be the same person with the same needs. If he can’t give you what you need, it’s time to move on.
13. It’s the Holidays or an Anniversary
When certain cycles happen in a year, it can be difficult for ex-boyfriends to stay away from their previous girlfriends.
The holidays are a time when a family is supposed to come together and be happy. This isn’t the case for many people because they’re missing someone important in their life.
This could be especially true during Christmas or Thanksgiving if you two used to spend time together with each other’s families.
Many triggers could remind you two of each other, such as songs, movies, or stories you two have shared over time.
This type of nostalgia can also be triggered on birthdays, anniversaries, or other major life events.
If your ex comes back around one of these times, it could be the time of year making him extra sensitive and nostalgic.
This generally isn’t the best time to decide to re-enter a relationship again.
Emotions are running high, and your ex-boyfriend probably isn’t considering all of the challenges you two had to deal with in everyday life.
Try to limit the communication to only necessary things, and don’t let yourself be pressured into doing anything that you’re not ready for.
If you’re interested in discussing a possible reconciliation, set a specific date for the conversation after the holidays so that you can have time to think about it and prepare.
14. You’re the One For Him
One of the most romantic outcomes of ex-boyfriends stepping away is that he realizes how much he needs you and how much you’re the one for him.
He may have taken some time to date other people, but no one made him feel as good as you do. He may have even tried to move on, but he couldn’t stop thinking about you.
This is a very positive sign because your ex still has strong feelings for you. If he comes back and tells you this, it’s a good idea to take him seriously and see if there is anything worth salvaging in the relationship.
It’s a good time to ask yourself if you feel that your partner is the one for you.
Can you see him being in your life in one year, five years, or even thirty years? Are you willing to stand by your guy’s side if things get tough? Do you think he will stand by yours?
If the answer is yes, then you should take him back. If the answer is no, or you’re unsure, it’s best to end things now.
15. He’s Impressed By Your Growth
Perhaps while your man was gone, you spent a lot of time working on yourself. You may have focused on your job health or even hired a relationship coach.
When your ex sees how much you’ve grown, it can be a very positive experience. It may make him see that he made a mistake by leaving and wants to be with you now more than ever.
If your man is coming back because of this, it’s definitely worth giving the relationship another try if you haven’t lost interest in him.
It’s also important that he has spent time learning from relationship experts or working on himself as well. If not, he will need to be very committed to having to figure things out in the relationship moving forward.
If you have grown and evolved a decent amount during a period of being single and taking space, make sure you honor the progress you’ve made.
Don’t let yourself feel small or unworthy in the face of a partner trying to come back; it takes two committed people to make things work!
How to Handle a Guy Who Comes Back Months Later
Now that you know the reasons why men come back months later, what should you do when this happens to you?
Here are some tips:
Don’t Get Too Excited
It’s natural to be excited when your ex comes back after being gone for a while. However, you don’t want to get too excited because there’s no guarantee that things will work out this time around.
This isn’t to say that you should act like you don’t care, but try to stay levelheaded until you know what the future holds.
Don’t Rush Into Anything
If your ex comes back and wants to get back together right away, it’s best not to rush into anything. This is especially true if you weren’t the one who reached out first. Start by texting and having a few phone calls throughout the week. Once you feel like you have a good idea of where things are headed, meet up.
Don’t Be Mean To Him
There may be an impulse for you to be short, cold, or rude to your previous partner. This is likely because you’re still upset about what happened and haven’t fully forgiven him for the pain he caused you.
However, being mean to him will only push him away and make it harder for the two of you to get back together. If you want things to work out, be civil and understanding towards your guy.
Even if you don’t end up rekindling the relationship, if you treat him (and yourself) with respect when he comes back, you will walk away feeling better about the entire experience and how you responded to it.
Be Honest With Him
If there are things that you’re not happy about or that still bother you, don’t try to sweep them under the rug. This almost guarantees that the same problems will happen once again down the line.
Instead, be honest with your guy and let him know what you’re thinking and feeling. If he’s serious about making things work, he will be willing to listen and work on fixing the issues.
Make sure to encourage him to be honest with you. This strategy only works if both partners are completely transparent and honest with each other.
Give Him a Chance
Ultimately, if you want things to work out, you need to give your man a chance. This means being open-minded and allowing him to prove that he’s changed and wants to make things work.
Many women want to have control over their relationships and see how they’re going to work out down the line.
Unfortunately, like many other things in life, we don’t know how they will end. At some point, you need to acknowledge and accept that you will never really know if your partner will make the best decisions for the relationship of his own accord.
You don’t know if you will either. This is why it’s important to have some trust and flexibility in your relationship.
How To Seek Your Own Happiness & Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend
Instead of ruminating on why men come back months later, it may be more fulfilling for you to move on with your life and accept a breakup.
While this may sound like the worst thing possible, it opens infinite options for your future and allows you to find someone who deserves your time and attention.
The first step is to accept that the relationship is over. This means no calling, texting, or trying to stay friends. You need to completely cut off all communication for both of you to move on.
Secondly, it’s important to focus on yourself and what makes you happy. This may include things like traveling, spending time with friends, or taking up a new hobby.
Lastly, it’s crucial to surround yourself with positive people who will support your decision to move on. These individuals will help you through the tough times and make the process much easier.
In addition to this process, it’s important to make sure you’re engaging in activities that make you feel good. This may be anything from meditation and yoga to journaling or writing.
If you’re having trouble choosing which path to take, it’s best to seek professional help. A therapist or coach can assist you in understanding your feelings ambitions and guide how to move forward.
Remember that reclaiming your life takes one step at a time. The ultimate goal is for you to achieve happiness with or without a partner, so there are many paths to choose from. Don’t be afraid to venture off the beaten path and find what makes you truly happy!