One of the most frustrating things that can happen you while you’re just starting to date a guy is ghosting. For anyone unfamiliar with the term, ghosting is when a guy stops texting you without giving any reason whatsoever.
You could be having a perfectly normal and flirtatious conversation, then suddenly…nothing.
This happens to people all over the world every single day. Knowing it’s a common occurrence doesn’t make it any less frustrating, though – if anything, that makes it worse!
If this is what you’re going through, we want to help you. That’s why we’ve created this guide on things to do when a guy stops texting you out of nowhere.
Now let’s uncover your strategy…
Before you read...
There's one text message that he's just dying to get from you...
Here’s Why He Stopped Texting You Out of Nowhere
In order to form the most effective response to a ghosting guy, it’s important for you to understand why he’s doing it in the first place.
There are three main reasons a guy would seemingly drop off the face of the earth. We’ll touch on each of the reasons briefly below…
He’s found someone else.
These days, a lot of relationships begin with this “just talking” phase, which is exactly what it sounds like. You start by conversing with each other to decide if you’re interested.
This is a casual phase. Neither party is really committed to each other yet, so it’s not uncommon for both people to be talking to other people at the same time. There’s not yet any rules against it, after all.
Keep in mind that if you’re still early on in the getting to know each other stage, he’s talking to other women. There’s no getting around that fact.
This is one of the main reasons he abruptly cuts all contact with you. He may have hit it off with one of the other women he’s talking to, so rather than politely tell you he’s no longer interested, he felt it was easier to just disappear.
We’re not saying it’s good for him to do this – in fact, we think it’s immature. It’s just important to understand that this is one of the possibilities behind why he’s no longer answering you.
He lost interest or he wasn’t invested in the first place.
Romance isn’t predictable. It can flourish from seemingly nothing and disappear just as inexplicably.
In other words, there might not really be a concrete reason for his vanishing act. The guy you’re talking to might have just lost interest in you.
Alternatively, he may not have been super into you in the first place. Remember, if you’re at that just talking phase we mentioned previously, things are casual. He may not have felt a connection from the get-go, and eventually chose to just give up on it instead of letting you know.
Again, it’s not a very good look for him. If this is the reason he’s bailing, he honestly probably wasn’t worth your time to begin with.
Something urgent came up.
The previous two reasons we discussed are entirely his problem. In our third reason, however, it’s not his fault that he stopped texting you because something urgent happened to him.
Like romance, life is unpredictable. Bad things happen to good people all the time. He may be experiencing a health issue, a family emergency, or a sudden workplace stress.
In the aforementioned situations, it’s natural to forget some things, such as text conversations we were having. He may have a lot of other things on his plate to worry about, after all.
You can sometimes tell if this is what’s happening by checking his social media or by whether he starts texting you again and explains his reasoning for disappearing.
Now Here’s What You Can Do About It
Now that you understand the why of him ghosting you, it’s time to discuss the what of the matter…as in, what are you going to do about it?
We’ll lay out a step-by-step plan for you below. The order of the steps may change, and some may not be applicable to your situation. It’s up to you to determine what the best starting point is.
Whatever you do, don’t blame yourself.
When a guy disappears on you, the first things you might feel are guilt, shame, and hurt. You might start trying to blame yourself for his disappearance, assuming you did something to drive him away.
If you find yourself in that position, try to stop that thought process before it can go any further. It is not your fault that you’re being ghosted – it’s his fault that he didn’t even have the courage to tell you that he no longer wanted to talk.
Even if it isn’t his fault due to an emergency, it’s still not your fault, either. In that case, something beyond the control of both of you happened that prevented him from having the time to talk to you.
Has he done other things by text that didn’t make sense to you at the time? Read more about what it might mean in our guide to guys texting habits & behavior.
Do a little shallow investigating to determine the reason for his silence.
Once you’ve got your thoughts under control, the next step is to try and find an answer. We don’t necessarily recommend reaching out to him right away to try and get it directly from him, though. If he just started ghosting you, pestering him will repel him.
Start with the indirect route. Check his social media if you’ve added him or followed him anywhere. Has he been active since he stopped texting you? If he has, did he post anything indicating that something bad may have happened to him?
As an example, pretend that you checked his Twitter and you saw that he had tweeted saying his grandmother had passed away. You have your answer, then – he’s dealing with the loss of a beloved family member.
On the other hand, if he’s been active by posting normal things, then he may just have decided to ghost you for his own reasons.
Take some time to recover and build your confidence.
No matter which answers you find after a little digging, you need some time to recover. You can’t just jump into a confrontation right away, or else you risk hurting yourself further.
What we recommend is spending at least a week or two focusing on yourself. Immerse yourself in things you love, such as a hobby you’re into. Go see your friends or family.
Your goal here is to give yourself time to heal so that, should you choose to confront your ghostly guy later, you won’t have fresh emotional wounds making you lose control.
You may even discover that, after taking a little me time, you don’t even want to talk to him again.
Check in with him to see what’s going on.
Do you absolutely need some closure from him? No one can blame you there. If you were feeling a connection with a guy you were talking to, the least he can do is be honest with you.
What you can do, then, is casually check in with him. It’s natural to be concerned when someone suddenly disappears, after all, so go with that kind of tone when you text him.
We recommend starting with an easy, non-confrontational text such as, “Hey, it’s been awhile since I heard from you. Is everything okay?”
He’ll be much more inclined to answer you if he doesn’t feel like he’s being attacked. Pushing him to justify his vanishing act from the get-go will just put him on the defensive and likely keep him from replying to you.
With this casual method, though, you’re being subtle about asking him for his reason. You seem concerned about him, which may even make him feel bad for cutting you off in the first place.
If you need more advice on how to approach him by text, try out this Text Chemistry course. It has tons of text templates for you to try that men get hooked on.
If you need closure, explain to him that his actions were hurtful.
Once you’ve got a conversation going, you’re in a position to let him know that what he did was wrong. You need to keep calm at this point, though.
Whatever you do, don’t lose control and start yelling at him or calling him names – he won’t take your genuine criticism to heart that way. He’ll just write you off as crazy and tell his friends.
Send him something as neutral-sounding as possible, like, “I just wanted to let you know that it was hurtful when you disappeared like that. If you don’t want to talk anymore, tell me and we’ll go our separate ways.”
If he never answered your text checking in on him, and you know for sure he’s ghosting you based on social media activity, then you can also send him a text like this. It’s important that he understand what he did hurt you.
Be warned, though: this should be the last text you ever send him if he hasn’t answered you up until this point. Anything beyond this will be something he turns into a tool to write you off, so don’t give him the ammunition.
More Like This: What to Text a Guy After Being Ghosted
Don’t keep texting him if he’s not answering.
When someone stops answering us, we start trying to make excuses for them sometimes. It doesn’t feel good to admit to ourselves that someone we liked is ignoring us.
You might tell yourself that he could have missed your text, or maybe some kind of glitch happened where it didn’t get sent to him. Whatever the specific reason you give yourself, the goal is to ultimately talk yourself into texting him again.
Don’t do it. Stop yourself from texting him repeatedly if he’s not answering. The more texts you send him without replies, the deeper the hole you’re digging yourself into.
If you absolutely need some form of closure, you can try a therapeutic exercise. We recommend writing a letter addressed to him in which you let out all your frustrations. Feel free to go as crazy as you like in this letter.
Once the letter is done, burn it or throw it out. This may seem strange, but it helps you get out all those negative feelings without tarnishing your own image.
You're at a disadvantage if you don't send him a special text message like this one...
Avoid the urge to lash out at him.
We’ve touched on this a little throughout this guide, but it’s worth mentioning again. No matter how angry or hurt you feel, don’t lash out at him.
If he’s ghosting you for no reason, he definitely deserves to be called a few choice names. However, every time you lose your cool, you’re giving him bricks to build the wall he’s hiding behind.
When he sees you calling him names or yelling at him, he’ll just tell himself you’re crazy or that you’re the immature one. He’ll use your anger to justify his ghosting. In the worst cases, you may even become the woman he jokes about to his friends as some kind of cautionary tale.
Please don’t let him do this to you. Take the high road and let the trash take itself out in peace.
Cut your losses and let him go.
Unless he had a very good reason for ghosting you or he had a change of heart, you’re probably going to need to accept the fact that you have to move on.
We know that this is one of the hardest steps. The more you liked him, the more difficult it will be to accept that he won’t even give you the time of day anymore.
This is what makes moving on so important. Remember, you deserve better than this treatment. You deserve someone who is going be there for you.
If you need some more time to pamper yourself, take it at this point. Focus on yourself first and foremost, occupying your mind so you don’t have to waste your thoughts on him.
Read Also: What to Text When a Guy Doesn’t Reply
Get out there and see what else the world has to offer you.
When you’re finally ready to let him go, check out the other fish in the sea. For every man that ghosts you, there are plenty others who want to get to know you – you just have to find them.
If you feel comfortable with it, consider signing up for dating apps. But if that’s not your thing, that’s okay, too – consider going out with friends or expanding your social circle. There’s a good chance that someone in your social circle at least knows a single guy who would be a match for you.
Don’t give him the time of day if he comes crawling back later.
Sometimes, the wind blows the smell of the trash that took itself out back into your house. In other words, he might send you a text or message you on social media long after you’ve moved on.
Here’s the fun part: you get to completely ignore him now. Again, unless he had a good reason for ceasing communications, he doesn’t deserve your attention anymore.
So, don’t answer him. Give him a taste of his own medicine and watch him squirm.
Prevent Him From Ever Wanting to Ghost You in the First Place
Men have very different needs when it comes to romance. Ghosting can be his way of indicating that, in some way, his needs weren’t met.
If you want to stop yourself from ever being ghosted again, then you’ll need to learn more about how to make yourself irresistible by text. When it comes to building your flirtation skills by text, our favorite resource is Amy North’s Text Chemistry program.
She’s a relationship coach who has developed a deep understanding of how men think. As a result, she was able to create a course that teaches you how to craft texts that men can’t walk away from.
Don't Leave Without This
One text message can make him trip over himself to be with you...