25+ Witty Good Morning Texts for Him

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Everybody tells you that you’re hilarious, even your boyfriend, and you have to admit: you are pretty witty. However, you’ve been running dry on hilarious good morning texts lately, and he’s been a little disappointed. What can you do to fix this problematic situation?

Simple! Print out this simple list and use one of these ideas every day to keep your guy laughing. The nice thing about these text ideas is that you can change them anyway you want, particularly if it doesn’t apply to you but has a joke that you know you can make just a little bit more personal.

25 Witty Morning Texts That Will Get Your Guy Laughing

1. “Knock, knock? (who’s there?) My heart? (my heart who?) My heart belongs to you! I know, it’s a groaner, baby, but I think you’ll get a good laugh out of it anyway! I hope you’re doing well.”

happy man on phone

2. “My phone got bored last night, so it might have sent you a bunch of sexy pics that it claims are me. Well, you can keep them because I think they look better than me anyway!”

3. “What’s the difference between this morning message and any other morning text you’ve gotten from me in the past? I kissed the send button on this one! Did you get my lipstick on your finger opening it?”

4. “You know, I love fart jokes. Who doesn’t? Well, I tried to fart into the phone to text it to you. But all it did was make my phone stink! So I love you, baby, because you put up with my bad, bad jokes!”

5. “What does love got to do, got to do with it? In our case, everything! Tina Turner may have had felt a lot of love in the 80s, but I certainly do. I hope you are doing well today, my dear.”

6. “What’s your favorite Huey Lewis song? I like ‘Do You Believe in Love?’ because, ever since I met you, I feel like I do! Knowing you, you’ll probably pick ‘Hip to Be Square.’”

7. “Don’t you just love Taylor Swift? She’s so inspiring! In fact, I think I’m going to break up with you to write a million-selling album! Hahaha, just kidding. Nobody else would put up with my jokes.”

smiling man looking on phone

8. “Tell you what. You go into work today for me, and I’ll lay in your bed for you. I’ll even have your dreams for you! The nice thing is, I know that I’ll mostly be dreaming about me!”

9. “I’d ask you if it hurt if you fell from heaven or if you were tired from running through my mind all day. But I’ve already made those jokes 100 times, so let’s just pretend like they’re still funny, okay?”

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10. “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did I cross the road? Because you caught the chicken and I was hungry! Haha. Let’s have a real chicken dinner tonight!”

11. “Here’s a story I think you’ll like. Once upon a time, a sexy guy woke up. Then, a beautiful woman came over to his bed and kept him busy all day. They lived sexily ever after. How about it, babe?”

12. “I’d tell you that I was up all night counting sheep, but that’s not true. I was up all night counting you! By that, I mean little naked versions of you jumping over a fence. What? I was bored.”

13. “So I just want you to know a few things about me this morning. First thing, I’m naked. Second thing, I am at work. Third thing, I might need you to bail me out soon. LMAO! Love you baby.”

male smiling while looking the phone

14. “This is the story about a girl. She likes a guy who sleeps through her morning texts. Why she likes him, she’ll never know. Maybe it’s because he’s so sweet!”

15. “I decided to become a vegan last night. No more meat! Unfortunately, this means we have to break up. Oh, who am I kidding? I could never not love a beefcake like you!”

16. “My dad used to say ‘you’re not that sweet’ whenever I ran out of the rain, as if I were sugar that would melt. Well, I’ve got good and bad news. Good news: you’re my sugar. Bad news: it’s raining.”

17. “You know what they say? ‘It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean?’ Well, after being with you, I’m happy to learn that it’s true. So, hahaha, I hope you’re having a great morning.”

18. “The best thing about waking up isn’t Folgers in my cup. It’s you in my bed. But the thing is: you’re not in my bed. So how can I start my day right if I don’t have a naked you to play with this morning?”

19. “Imagine me walking into your bedroom. I’m naked. I have my hands behind my back. I pull out a rubber chicken and a blender. Then, I go back home and get more sleep because I’m crazy today!

man looking at his phone

20. “I took your advice and tried meditating to fall asleep. Well, it turns out that just led to me becoming enlightened and not sleeping at all. Good news! My enlightened self still loves you.”

21. “The other day, I had a pain in my butt that just wouldn’t go away. I’m not sure how to nicely tell you to go home when I’m sick of you! Hahaha, baby, you know you’re my favorite pain in the booty.”

22. “Not long ago, somebody asked me out. And I said yes. I hope you don’t mind! Probably not: we’ve been together ever since you asked me that day! Gotcha!”

23. “I know you like the back of my hand! Which, when you think about it, is kind of a funny thing to say. Are a lot of people staring at the back of their hands to memorize every wart?”

24. “You know what I love about you? When I fart, you not only laugh but try to pull off a bigger one. You can’t imagine how funny it is to me – especially because it’s always just a whoopee cushion!”

25. “Last night, I saw the light, baby. I found religion! Praise the heavens! I saw your face in a grilled cheese sandwich. That proves to me that there is a God of some type!”

A Few Extra Bonus Texts to Make Your Man Laugh 

26. “Why don’t you come to my office for lunch today? I’ve been dying for you to meet my office boyfriend! He’s a lot like you, but a lot more imaginary and a lot less fun in person.”

27. “I know this is a stupid wish that would kill us all, but sometimes I just wish the sun would stay down for the whole day so I could sleep. But then, I couldn’t text you in the morning! Tough call.”

28. “Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that…hunky man meat! Not gonna lie. My lunch break would be a lot better if my lunch were you with a side of you.”

man so happy looking at his phone

29. “So, you know how it takes me a long time to get ready whenever we go out, and you wonder what I’m doing? I confess: I’m mostly napping. But don’t I look beautiful when I’m done?”

30. “One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready…wait. Can we go back to that first one? The ‘one for the money’ thing? I like that one a lot. The other stuff can wait.”

Get Some True Belly Laughs From Your Boy 

Now, some of these texts aren’t going to be to everybody’s taste. Your guy might roll his eyes at a few of these texts. That’s why we encourage you to tweak them to suit his needs! We tried to keep them more or less G-rated. If he’s a bit dirtier minded, it should be easy to make them to his taste. 

Likewise, don’t be afraid to add personal touches, such as tweaking a punchline to something that seems more like what you’d say. These text ideas should be considered guidelines or suggestions that you can use to create the funniest tests possible for your favorite man every morning.