What to Text a Guy Who is Distant (To Pull Him Back In)

Ever had a guy go all cold and distant on you out of nowhere?

It’s so frustrating. One day, everything is going great and you’re exchanging lovey-dovey text messages like crazy.

Then the next day, he’s giving you icy one-word answers, taking a really long time to reply, or worst of all, leaving you on read.

What are you supposed to do at that point?

We’ll help you get to the bottom of this mystery. In this post, we’ll show you what to text a guy who is distant.

First: Don’t Panic

You might feel your heart just drop when he starts to get distant. Your mind could be racing through all these different possibilities – maybe he’s seeing someone else, maybe he doesn’t like you anymore, maybe he’s bored of you…

So here’s your first step: don’t panic.

There are plenty of reasons why he might be getting distant with you. Believe it or not, it could have nothing to do with you.

He might be stressed out by work, friends, or family. He could be feeling a little down in the dumps.

Maybe he has financial woes, he’s overloaded by homework, or his boss is being a jerk.

Notice something about all those reasons? You have nothing do with any of them.

And yes, it’s also true that he might be overwhelmed in the relationship, he might not be feeling the connection, or he may have found someone else. The only way to get past these things, though, is keep a level head and to communicate effectively.

You can’t do those things if you’re losing your mind.

You Might Also Like: What to Text a Guy After Exchanging Numbers (To Draw Him In)

Don’t Try to Get His Attention Again in These Ways

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: sometimes, what you don’t do is just as important as what you do.

Even if he’s not consciously thinking about it, he will be watching what you do in response to his distance. Make sure you don’t let him or yourself down.

Read Also: How to Text a Guy (The Ultimate Guide)

Avoid these common mistakes, and you’ll be well on your way to winning him back or moving on to better things:

Don’t beg him.

Of course you want someone to stick around when you really like them. And of course you’re going to feel hurt when they suddenly pull away for what seems like no reason.

Because of that, you might do anything to keep him close, even if it means begging him to tell you what’s wrong. But this is a fatal mistake.

Not only should you not have to plead with him to open up, but it also makes you look desperate. Even if he does stop pulling away from you, you’ll have taught him that he can use you as he pleases and you’ll always just beg for him to come back.

This is never a good message to send. You deserve better than that.

Read Also: 20+ Examples of What to Text a Guy You Just Met

Stop sending him multiple texts in a row.

"He might even realize how much he misses you once he sees that you don't need his attention."

Another common thing we see heartbroken women do a lot is try to get his attention again by flooding him with texts. The hope here is that one of them will get through to him, or that he won’t be able to forget you because he’ll have so many reminders.

It rarely (if ever) works, so don’t waste your time with it. If he’s beginning to ghost you, blowing up his phone with texts makes you seem like you can’t let go.

At best, you’ll annoy him. But at the very worst, you’ll become just another “crazy ex” that he’ll talk about with his friends as some kind of cautionary tale.

We know it’s hard to let go, but sometimes, the best course of action really is to walk away for a bit. He might even realize how much he misses you once he sees that you don’t need his attention.

Read Also: What to Text a Guy After Being Ghosted 

Don’t send him a love letter by text.

This is a little like begging, but the difference is that you focus on telling him how you feel as a way to make him feel guilty about pulling away. You may be hoping that, by confessing your feelings for him, he’ll be struck by the realization he feels the same way and that he’ll come back.

Like the other things we’ve mentioned, it doesn’t usually work. You’ll come off as emotionally unstable and clingy.

Those aren’t good looks for you.

Recommended Article: What to Text a Guy First Without Seeming Desperate

What to Text a Guy Who is Distant

Do a casual check-in.

"Remember, guys are told most of their lives that they have to be tough and manly by hiding their emotions."

At any other time, texts like these might seem like a snooze fest. But when he’s seeming cold and you’re picking up on it, he might be legitimately struggling with something he’s trying to keep from burdening you with.

Remember, guys are told most of their lives that they have to be tough and manly by hiding their emotions. So if something is going on at work, with his friends, or with his family that’s stressing him out, he might feel like you’d be disappointed in him if he looked weak in front of you.

By sending him a casual check-in text, you’re expressing concern in how he’s doing without making him feel as if you expect him to bare his soul to you. He can choose to answer it in detail if he wants, or he can just give you a condensed answer.

Either way, you’re giving him an open door to go through if he needs it.

Examples: “Hey, how are you doing?” or “How are you feeling today?”

Want to say more to him, but you just can’t find the right words? The Text Chemistry Course, created by love specialist Amy North, is our suggestion for boosting your texting ability.

In the course, she’ll give you tons of text templates to use that are designed to catch any guy’s heart.

Send him a corny joke.

If the reason behind his distance is unrelated to you (and it probably is), he might be under a lot of stress. Jokes work well for relieving tension and encouraging us all to open ourselves up.

You see it in books, shows, and movies everywhere. There’s usually a comic relief character who makes the other characters (and the audience) smile when things seem especially dark.

You can be a similar thing for your man. Send him a funny meme you think he’d like, or share a joke you heard recently that made you laugh.

Even if it doesn’t make him tell you everything that’s going on in his mind up-front, it will likely make him smile. It’s a demonstration of your ability to be his light when everything might seem dark.

Examples: Send him the best meme or gif you’ve seen recently, or find a cheesy pickup line to send him.

Let him know he has your support.

Although society as a whole is starting to be more and more accepting of men expressing their emotions, a lot of men still feel as if they need to be stereotypically manly. He might be feeling pressure to keep it all inside and show only a strong and silent exterior.

It’s possible he might even believe that you’ll think less of him if he tells you he’s having a hard time. You can shatter this negative belief system by telling him you care.

No, this doesn’t mean sending him a long, overly emotional text that will overwhelm him. However, it does mean sending him something short letting him know you have his back.

Example: “I notice you’ve been seeming a little distant lately. I just wanted to let you know that if something is going on, I’m here for you.”

See Also: 35+ Examples of What to Text a Guy First

Nothing – wait for him to text you first.

"If he's not willing to put the effort into your relationship to keep it going, you shouldn't waste your time, either."

You might have a hard time letting go enough to wait for his text. You’ll be eager to reignite the passion you may have been feeling in any way possible.

The thing is, your man might just need some space. And in that event, you hovering over him, texting him constantly, will seem obtrusive.

Backing off could be best your option, especially since there’s the possibility that you’ve been too clingy so far, and that’s driven him away slightly. Guys don’t like to be smothered, after all, and you could use this opportunity to show him you’re independent.

If the distance is due to the fact he’s going through something really stressful, he’ll be impressed by your ability to respect his need for space.

So what do you do if you wait and he just never texts you again? We suggest you let him go, as hard as it sounds.

If he’s not willing to put the effort into your relationship to keep it going, you shouldn’t waste your time, either.

Further Reading: How to Text a Guy Good Morning (And Get Him Thinking About You)

Keep Him From Becoming Distant in the First Place

Related Article: What to Text a Guy Who Keeps Blowing You Off

Guys can be so unpredictable sometimes. It makes dating feel like playing a big game where the rules are constantly changing.

One day, he seems to like talking to you a lot, with texts flying back and forth between you, and the next day, it seems like he’s dropped off the face of the earth.

While it’s true that his distance is most likely because of factors beyond your control, there is the possibility that your texting drove a wedge between you. It could be because you were clingy or because you didn’t communicate effectively.

Regardless of the reason, you can keep him from ever becoming distant again with a stronger texting strategy. Amy North’s Text Chemistry program can help you ensure that you always keep him captivated by you with simple text messages.

You can find out more about the course here.

Jenny Muscolo
Jenny Muscolo

My name is Jenny and I love helping people with their relationships. I got my Masters in human sexuality at Northwestern University, and love what I do.

I believe a few simple tips can help you massively improve your communication skills with your partners, which leads to better interactions. Thanks for visiting!