DATE AT AN EXPERT LEVEL
The last thing you need after a breakup is confusing behavior from your ex-boyfriend. You’ve already got enough on your plate, like trying to recover from the trauma of the relationship ending.
And, when you start to feel better, you might even want to focus on dating again. You’ll do whatever it takes to get your life back on track.
That’s why it can feel so frustrating when your ex-boyfriend comes crashing back into your life. There are a number of ways he could insert himself, but one of the most surprising is showering you with gifts.
What are you supposed to do when your ex-boyfriend is buying you gifts? Should you accept them or reject them?
In this post, we’ll lay out all your options for you so you can decide how to proceed.
Why Your Ex-Boyfriend is Buying You Gifts
Your ex isn’t over you.
Here’s the most obvious and likely answer: your ex still isn’t over you. One of the best ways to get on someone’s good side is through gifts.
The gifts he’s showering you with could be his strategy for buttering you up and winning you back. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, if you think you might want to be with him again.
This becomes problematic when you’re trying to move on with your life, and gifts from your ex keep showing up on your figurative doorstep.
Decoding what a man is thinking can be really hard, especially when there are romantic feelings involved. Fortunately, there are resources out there to help you.
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He’s trying to remain friends
Gift-giving is common between friends. It could be for a birthday, anniversary, celebration, or just as a random pick-me-up.
Whatever the reason, many close friends around the world love to give each other presents. If your ex-boyfriend is trying to be your friend, he could also be gifting you for that reason.
The problem with that is, he’s not just your friend. Even if you both committed to staying friends after the breakup, there’s still a lot of emotional meaning attached to your friendship. That means each gift could potentially feel like it has unseen strings attached to it.
The gifts could be a manipulation tactic.
This isn’t the nicest option out there, but it is a possibility: your ex could be using the gifts to manipulate you. As we mentioned previously, gifts are a great way to get yourself in someone’s head and heart.
He might have a couple different end goals in mind with this tactic. It’s possible he’s trying to convince you to get back together with him, or he could simply be trying to get in your head so you won’t move on.
Whatever the reason, he’s manipulating you if his objective is to benefit himself in some way rather than just being generous.
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Here’s How You Should Respond to His Gifts
First, examine the circumstances surrounding the gift and what type of gift it is.
Before you try and decide what to do with the presents, take a moment to look at the situation. Step back mentally and note the type of gift and the circumstances around when he sent it to you.
Was it your birthday or an otherwise important day for you when he gave you the gift? Did he gift you completely out of the blue on a random day?
Don’t forget to take a note of what exactly the gift is, too. It’s normal to send a friend a funny gag gift or something they’ll enjoy, such as a book or a purse.
However, it’s something else entirely to send them a gift that’s deeply personal. For instance, if he sent you something that references your anniversary, jewelry, or even lingerie, there’s definitely something going on. These types of presents indicate he possibly still harbors feelings for you.
Talk to him about the gifting.
Not sure what’s going on and need answers? Your best option is to be open with him and talk to him about it.
You can do this perfectly casually, too. If you’re not sure why he gifted you, you could say something like, “Thanks! What’s the occasion?”
His response will give you an idea of what his motives are. This will tell you what you should do next.
Let him know if the gifting is making you uncomfortable.
If all you want is to move past your relationship with him, the gifts are probably not helping. In that case, you should be honest with your ex-boyfriend about it.
You don’t need to insult him or make him feel bad about gifting you. Instead, you can simply tell him that, while you appreciate him thinking of you, you don’t quite feel comfortable with his presents yet.
That should give him the hint and stop him from gifting you again for the time being.
Politely accept the presents, then move on
If you’re okay with the presents and he’s given them to you for an acceptable reason, then just thank him for the presents and move on with your day. There’s no need to spend time gushing about them or thanking him repeatedly.
Spending too much time gushing to him will simply make you look desperate. A courteous thank you will maintain your dignity, which is crucial if you want to get back together with him.
Even if you don’t want him back, that dignity is important to staying friends. It shows that you’re respectable and capable of handling the gifts maturely.
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Return the gifts as politely as possible
Are you feeling uncomfortable with the gifts? Does it feel like there are strings attached to them, or like he’s manipulating you with them?
Then if you feel comfortable doing so, you should consider returning the gifts. This may seem rude, but it’s perfectly acceptable to return gifts you don’t feel good about.
That way, your ex-boyfriend can look at getting a refund or maybe even re-gift it. When you return the gift, though, make sure you’re calm and courteous.
You can tell your ex that you don’t feel right accepting a gift from him at this point in time, then offer him a brief apology. You don’t owe him any explanation beyond that.
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How to Become the Alluring Woman Any Guy Will Want to Shower with Presents
Maybe you want your ex-boyfriend to continue gifting you, or maybe you’d prefer it if some other guy who caught your eye gives you presents. No matter who you’ve got your heart set on, there are strategies you can use to make yourself stand out to them.