When you want to get back together with your ex, there’s nothing quite as disappointing as when he starts avoiding you. You might be sitting there missing him every day, but you can’t possibly tell if he’s feeling the same way when he won’t even talk to you.
If you’re feeling at the end of your rope, wondering why your ex-boyfriend is avoiding you, we’ll dish the details to you. We’re also going to tell you what you can do to fix it.
How to Tell if Your Ex-Boyfriend is Avoiding You
First off, let’s clear something up: how do you know if your ex is avoiding you? Maybe he’s just busy or something, right?
There are a few things he’ll do that tells you right away he’s actually avoiding you.
The most obvious one is not answering your text messages or DMs online. He’ll leave you on read instead…for a long time.
If you happen to run into him in person somewhere, he won’t look directly at you, he’ll pretend he didn’t hear you if you say something, or he’ll run in the opposite direction.
The longer behaviors like this continue, the more you can be certain that he’s avoiding anything to do with you.
Why is Your Ex-Boyfriend Avoiding You?
Now let’s consider the reasons why your man is avoiding you so you’ll know how to fix it…
You lashed out at him and drove him away.
Look, it’s perfectly normal to get upset after a breakup. The stronger your feelings were for him, the more hurt you’re going to feel when it all comes crashing down.
And when you’re suffering, sometimes you feel like you need to go on the attack to make yourself feel empowered. You’ll want him to understand exactly how you’re feeling, and what he did to make you feel that way.
Blowing up on him will send him running away from you, though. If you hurt him, he’s probably taking time away from you to heal.
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He’s feeling relieved after the breakup/he doesn’t want to get back together.
This will sting a bit to consider, but there’s a possibility that, after the breakup, he’s feeling better. Perhaps the relationship was on its last legs for awhile, and now that you’re apart, he’s realized that he feels happier that way.
If he knows you’re not feeling as content, it could make him feel guilty that he’s doing okay. Seeing or talking to you could strengthen that guilt, so it’s just easier for him to avoid you.
He needs time and space to recover.
You’re not the always going to be the only one who’s reeling after a breakup. Was your ex a sensitive man in touch with his emotional side?
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Then you can bet he’s in pain over the end of the relationship, too. If he’s overwhelmed by emotion after breaking up with you, he might be trying to go for a clean break. Maybe it’s easier for him to start making a recovery if he’s not seeing you or talking to you.
There’s someone else in his life.
Here’s another possibility that will hurt a lot to consider: your guy could have started dating someone else. Now, there’s a chance that his new woman is just a rebound, in which case it will be easier to get him back.
Regardless, he may be avoiding you because he’s trying to focus on this new woman. If there’s even the slightest possibility that you’ll make it harder for him, it will be easier to just shut you out.
You’ve been too clingy with him after the breakup.
It’s okay to miss your ex-boyfriend. That’s why you’re here in the first place.
But you should try your best not to let your emotions get the best of you. One of the worst things you can do is cling to your ex, constantly texting him, calling him, or even trying to go see him again.
These things will quickly overwhelm him, especially if the breakup was recent. He could be overwhelmed by all the communication when he just need time to think. For that reason, he could be avoiding you.
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Now Here’s What You Can Do to Make Him Stop Avoiding You…
Complete a no contact period.
The first part of getting any ex-boyfriend back is the no contact period. We always recommend it for a reason: it works.
A no contact period is exactly what it sounds like: you resist all your urges to text your ex, and cut him off for at least two weeks. However, this stage can go on as long as you want it to, and can go anywhere from a few weeks to a few months.
The goal here is to give you both breathing room to recover and grow in the meantime.
It won’t go on forever, though, and you’ll have to talk to him again eventually if you want to get back together. For that, you might need to spice up your texting game.
If you need some help with that, we always recommend the Text Chemistry Course. Relationship coach Amy North packed it full of tips and tricks that will drive your ex crazy with longing for you.
Spend time making yourself feel better.
While you’re in your no contact period, you’ve got to make good use of the isolation to build yourself up. You’ll start by pampering yourself to speed your emotional recovery.
Get your hair done, have a lazy day or two, spend time with your loved ones…whatever it takes to help you feel normal again.
When you’re starting to get back in your groove, the next step is to start improving yourself. Make yourself into a person he won’t be able to resist.
Think back on the things that went wrong in your relationship. Were you clingy, temperamental, or demanding? Acknowledge those mistakes and focus on how you can get past them. You can’t go back to your ex exactly the same as you were before and expect him to want you back if there was something you did to contribute to the breakup.
But you should also use the no contact period to improve yourself in ways you’ve always wanted to. If you’ve ever wanted to get into a hobby but never had the time, now is the time to do it.
Don’t rub your happiness in his face or fake it.
Although legitimately doing well is the greatest way to make him jealous, don’t go out of your way to rub it in his face as you’re on your journey to betterment.
If you have to drop whatever you’re doing to post about it on social media because you’re hoping he’ll see it, you’re not doing the improvement for yourself. You’re doing it for him, and it loses its strength because of that.
Yes, it’s okay to share your journey with your friends and family. But when you do so, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and not because you’re hoping that he’s secretly creeping through your profile.
Actually think about whether or not you want to talk to him again.
As you reach the end of your no contact period, pause for a bit to think about whether or not you really want to talk to him again. It's entirely possible that you've realized you're doing just fine without him.
First: it’s okay if you’ve realized you’re better off without your ex. In fact, that’s a great thing, because now you can move on to greener pastures.
But maybe you’ve realized just the opposite: that you still want him back. And that’s okay, too. It has more weight now, actually, because you’ve made a real effort to go on without him.
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Remember the two C’s the next time you talk: casual and cordial.
Okay, so you’ve decided that you’re ready to contact him again. After taking some time without bothering him, there’s a chance he even reached out to you first, wondering what you’re up to.
Whether you’re responding to him or you’re reaching out to him for the first time in weeks, it’s important to remember our two C’s: casual and cordial.
Keep it casual. Don’t immediately jump to your deepest feelings for him. Try to anchor the conversation in light, easy topics until you both get comfortable again.
Second, keep it cordial. Old feelings of hurt might come rushing back to you, and you might find yourself wanting to tell him everything he did wrong. There’s a time and a place to discuss these aspects, and it isn’t the first time you talk again after a no contact period.
If you find yourself too overwhelmed to keep your tone friendly, set your phone down or excuse yourself. Tell him you’ve got something to attend to, then wait until you’re feeling calmer before resuming the convo.
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Learn What to Do to Make Yourself Impossible to Resist Going Forward.
Even if you follow all the steps in this guide to a T, things might go awry. Not all men are the same, so your ex might need some additional effort to break the cycle of avoidance.
There are plenty of other resources out there designed to help you. One of our personal favorites is Amy North’s Devotion System, which was created with the specific intent of winning any man over. Give it a try if you need some extra assistance for getting your ex back.
Further Reading: Why is My Ex-Boyfriend Always in My Dreams? (Your Dreams Decoded)
My name is Jenny and I love helping people with their relationships. I believe a few simple tips can help people massively improve their communication skills with their partners and really express themselves. Thanks for visiting!