People behave strangely after a breakup. And it’s no wonder that they do, either – breakups are stressful times that try our patience.
But it’s still confusing when one of your friends reveals to you that your ex-boyfriend has been asking around about you. A difficult time is suddenly made even harder as you ask yourself, why is my ex-boyfriend asking my friends about me?
Don’t worry – we’ll help you interpret what’s going on. Afterwards, we’ll even help you figure out what to do next.
Ask Some Questions of Your Own
Your first step here is to do some thinking and investigating of your own. You’ll want to determine two things:
- What kinds of questions is he asking?
- How is he asking the questions?
What kinds of questions is he asking?
There’s a huge difference between just asking casual questions about how someone is doing, or asking more personal questions about what’s going on in their love life.
If your ex-boyfriend has just asked how you’ve been doing a time or two, it might not mean all that much. He could just be a little concerned about your wellbeing after the breakup.
That’s polite and all, but it’s not very telling. All you can learn from it is that he’s a caring guy.
How is he asking the questions?
The second thing that matters is how he’s going about asking the questions. Obviously, he’s asking your friends, but in what way?
Is your ex-boyfriend approaching your friends on his own to ask about you? Is he bringing you up first?
Or is he simply responding to your friends casually mentioning you in a conversation?
If your ex is bringing you up first, it’s a clear sign that you’re on his mind. On the other hand, if your friends happened to mention you first, and he just responds by asking how you’re doing, he could just be acting polite.
Related Article: Why is My Ex-Boyfriend Asking Me Questions?
Should You Do Anything About His Questions?
We’ve only answered half the equation here by telling you the why’s of your ex asking about you. The other half is, what should you do next, if anything, regarding his questioning?
Like with most actions post-breakup, this is kind of a multi-step process. We’ll walk you through it.
Think about how you feel about him.
Before you do anything, you'll want to determine where you stand. What sort of feelings do you have towards your ex-boyfriend?
They could be literally anything. Maybe you’re eager to talk to him again because you want to get back with him, and you’ve been waiting for any sign of interest from him.
On the other end of the spectrum, you might dread the prospect of being involved with your ex again. Maybe hearing that he’s asking around about you leaves you with a bitter taste in your mouth.
You could even be in between. Instead of that love traffic light in your head being a bright red that tells you to slam on the brakes, you’re get a flashing yellow signal that says, “proceed with caution.”
Knowing where you stand will tell you what you should do next. If you’re not comfortable with him, then you don’t need to dignify his questions with a response.
But if you want to open some dialogue between you, then you might want to consider using his questions as an opening.
Are you in a no contact period?
Even if you know how you’re feeling about him, think about whether or not you’re in the middle of a no contact period. We typically advise newly separated couples to give each other space for awhile post-breakup so each party can have time to heal.
As the name implies, the biggest part of the no contact period is not talking to each other.
If your ex is asking your friends about you in the middle of your no contact period, it might just be him wondering why you’ve seemingly dropped off the face of the planet. It doesn’t mean you should immediately end your no contact period and reach out to him, though.
You resolved to go through it for a reason. Continue to take the space so you can recover, and then re-evaluate how you’re doing once the no contact period is finished.
Respond to his questions accordingly.
Now, what if you’ve finished your no contact period, or decided never to go through one in the first place?
Your response will come from combining all the previous factors we discussed in this article. For example, you won’t do anything at all if you don’t want to hear from him again.
Likewise, you don’t necessarily need to do anything if you’ve realized he’s just asking about you to be casually polite.
But if you’re interested in him, and you hear he’s been asking personal questions about you, you can use it as an opening. You could always reach out to him by text or social media first, then build up trust between you again.
Talking through texts or messages will make it easier at first. As time goes on, consider asking him to see you again in person. This will be a vital step to take if you’re planning on rekindling your relationship.
Don’t know what to say when you text him? You can take a look at relationship coach Amy North’s Text Chemistry program for guidance.
You can also check out our guide to what to talk about with your ex-boyfriend over text.
Recommended Article: Why is My Ex-Boyfriend Acting like I Never Existed?
With the Right Skillset, You Can Win Any Man Over…Including Your Ex
No matter what you choose to do, gaining an understanding of how a man’s mind works could be a real game changer for you. With the right knowledge and skillset, you can turn any date around into an evening filled with fireworks.
We try to provide you with resources to help you understand what’s going on in you ex’s (or any other man’s) head, but sometimes, you just need a little more advice. In that case, we personally recommend turning to the Devotion System.
It’s a program that was created Amy North, a knowledgeable relationship coach, to aid women all over the world in learning what makes men tick.