The time right after a breakup can get pretty confusing. Your emotions could be unpredictable, and you could be craving space one day then desperately missing your ex the next day.
Not to mention your ex-boyfriend himself! His behavior can be a wild card. He might be acting like a complete jerk or he might still be talking to you as if nothing happened between you.
If you’re talking, you may notice that your ex-boyfriend keeps asking you questions. It can feel like he’s just dragging the conversation out or even interrogating you.
What does it mean when your ex-boyfriend peppers you with questions? Scroll down, and we’ll lay out all the possibilities for you.
Think About the Kinds of Questions He’s Asking You
The first step is to factor in the kinds of questions he’s asking you. There are questions you ask when you’re still interested in someone, and questions you ask when you’re just trying to be polite.
With that in mind, these are the most common types of questions he’ll be asking you:
You’ve heard these type of questions. These are the things your family will ask you at reunions, or new people you meet will ask you to be polite.
This category includes questions such as the classic, “how are you?” or “what are you up to?” It could even include boring questions about the weather.
The bottom line is, these are filler questions. Your ex is either asking you these questions to keep you talking to him, or because he doesn’t know what else to say.
To tell which is the actual cause, consider who started the conversation. If you’re the one who reached out to him first or you ran into him in person, he’s probably asking you just to be polite.
On the flipside, if he’s the one who reached out to you first, questions like these are an easy way for him to open the conversation. He’s probably using them to keep you talking to him.
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These inquiries are a step up from the small-talk ones above. Outside of a curious ex-boyfriend, you might hear your close friends asking you these kinds of questions.
This category consists of questions like, “how are you feeling?” or “are you okay?” They tend to be emotional in nature. You can think of these as the things a stranger wouldn’t ask you unless they were being a little creepy or nosy.
When you ex asks you questions like this, it’s out of a place of caring. You don’t ask someone about these things unless they matter to you.
The reason behind why he cares could be complicated. Perhaps he still has feelings for you, or he may simply want to remain friends with you.
If your ex-boyfriend is asking you questions about your current love life, it’s a pretty clear sign that he’s still interested in you. At worst, he’s just a little jealous, which can be natural after a breakup.
But at the other end of the spectrum, he’s concerned and still in love with you. So he asks you if you’re seeing anyone, if you miss being together, or if you remember some of your happiest times together.
These questions are specifically designed to give him a glimpse into your heart. He’s trying to clear the ambiguity between you.
What To Do if Your Ex-Boyfriend Keeps Asking You Questions
You’ve learned the categories of questions he could be asking you. But now it’s time to look at the other half of the problem: are you supposed to answer him?
Let’s go over the steps you’ll need to go through before deciding if and how to respond to your ex-boyfriend.
Decide if you feel ready to talk to him again.
One thing we always suggest for recently broken up couples is a no contact period. You probably guessed that it means not talking to each other for a period of time after the relationship ends.
There are a number of reasons for completing the no contact period. The main reason for doing this, though, is allowing you both the space you need to heal.
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Because of this, we recommend completing your own no contact period to the best of your ability. If you already have, and your ex-boyfriend has been asking you questions since you finished it, you need to think about whether or not you actually want to talk to him.
Do you feel you’ve had enough space? Do you feel well enough to talk to him again, or do you need more time?
You might even just never want to talk to him again. Either way, it’s okay to feel the way you do. If you’re not ready to talk to him again, you don’t need to just yet. Tell him you need some more space and take as much time as you need.
Worried about talking to him again? You can do some research on texting techniques that men love here in Amy North’s Text Chemistry course.
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Determine what kind of relationship you want with him.
When you’re ready to engage in conversation with him, think about what you want out of it. In other words, are you hoping to get back together with him, or do you just want to stay friends?
Maybe you’re even only talking to him just because you have kids together and you want to keep it civil.
At any rate, deciding what outcome you’re looking for helps you figure out how to approach his questions.
Answer his questions – but keep in mind where you want it to go.
What would you think if you asked someone a question and they didn’t answer? You’d probably think they were rude.
There’s nothing wrong, therefore, with answering your ex-boyfriend’s questions. It’s just what you do to keep a conversation going.
However, as you talk, keep your objective in mind. If you want to get back together, don’t be afraid to answer any romantic questions that come up. Use a friendly and light tone as you converse with him.
But if you’re looking to be friends or just keep things civil, then you’ll want to stay away from flirtatious conversations. Steer him away from asking about your love life and keep the conversation in shallow, manageable waters.
If he asks you something you’re not comfortable with answering, let him know. Just explain to him that you’re not comfortable with the question, and move on.
Getting overwhelmed? Tell him you’ve got an appointment or you’re busy, then step away from your phone, computer, or however you’re communicating with him.
Sometimes, you don’t want your ex in your life at all. He’s your ex for a reason, right?
You don’t have to let him back into your life just because he starting talking to you again. It’s okay to walk away from him permanently.
If you feel up to it, you can tell him that you’ve moved on and leave it at that. But if he was toxic or you don’t feel comfortable talking to him, feel free to simply ignore him.
It might feel rude, but sometimes it’s the best course of action for your emotional health.
Use Your Conversation to Increase a Man’s Devotion to You
If you’re planning on continuing to talk to your ex with the intent of winning him over again, you’ll need to be able to get into his mind. This can be amazingly difficult.
Fortunately, you don’t have to do it alone. With aids like Amy North’s Devotion System, you can learn tricks that work on the minds of any man. Even if you’re not planning on using them on your ex, you can use them on any future love interests.