The last thing you need after a breakup is another complication in your life. You’re probably just hoping to give your heart a break and recover.
This seems impossible, though, when your ex-boyfriend is running through your thoughts constantly. Every time you close your eyes, you see his face. You see things that remind you of him everywhere, whether it’s his favorite restaurant or a song he likes playing on the radio.
As time goes on, you might start asking yourself, why is my ex-boyfriend always on my mind?
That’s what we’re here for. We’ll help you understand why you can’t get your ex out of your head, as well as what you can do about it.
Why Your Ex-Boyfriend is Always on Your Mind
You still have feelings for him.
It hurts to admit it, especially if you’re trying your best to move on, but there’s a very real possibility you still have feelings for your ex.
Remember, you had strong enough feelings to date him. Those feelings won’t just disappear overnight after the end of the relationship.
When you first develop feelings for someone, they have a way of taking over your thoughts. The same thing happens when you’re dealing with those feelings after a relationship, too. This is an entirely natural part of the healing process.
The breakup/relationship was traumatic, and you’re trying to recover.
When something is particularly painful and traumatic, you don’t just get over it in one day. While all breakups are painful, some hurt way more than others.
If the breakup you had with your ex-boyfriend was extra hurtful, his appearances in your thoughts are only to be expected. This can happen if you had a fight, or the relationship ended because of difficult causes like cheating.
Your mind and heart are still trying to work through what happened. It’s completely normal.
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There’s something you miss about him or the relationship.
You don’t necessarily need to have lingering feelings for your ex to miss part of him or your relationship. For example, maybe you liked the way you had date nights every week. Or maybe you appreciated his willingness to partake in some of your hobbies with you.
We’ve all heard that relationships have their ups and downs. It’s okay to appreciate the ups; how else would you know what works best for you?
If you find yourself constantly thinking of one particular aspect of him or the connection you had, it’s likely just you remembering something that made you feel good.
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Something in your life currently is reminding you of him.
This isn’t quite the same as having feelings for him or missing a part of your relationship. Instead, this occurs when something unrelated to your relationship reminds you of your ex.
For instance, his favorite band might have suddenly become popular, so you hear about them constantly and think of him as a result. His favorite football team might have made it to the Super Bowl, forcing you to remember how he got so excited every time they won a game.
It could be a number of things, but they have one quality in common: you have no control over them, and unless you completely isolated yourself, you can’t avoid them.
You’re subconsciously (or even consciously) comparing your new boyfriend to your ex.
If you’re seeing someone new, you could find yourself comparing and contrasting him with your ex. They might have similar musical tastes, or maybe they wear similar clothes.
Whatever it is, you start to notice some things that are both the same and different between your ex and current boyfriend. You catch yourself comparing the two, even if you know it isn’t necessarily fair.
This could be even worse the more alike they are. Habits your new boyfriend has could be constantly triggering memories of your ex.
Talking to new boyfriends can be hard. Starting from scratch feels frustrating, but there are resources you can tap into to make it building new relationships easier.
One resource we personally love is this Text Chemistry program. It can help any woman understand how to communicate with men through easy text messages.
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Your ex keeps showing up in your daily life on purpose.
Maybe being reminded of your ex has less to do with you, and more to do with him. You might be all for moving on, but your ex keeps turning up in your life, and not just in memory.
It’s normal to think of your ex if he continues to talk to you, tag you in posts, or make plans to see you. He could even just be posting constantly on social media, so you have no choice but to see him every time you scroll through your feeds.
He may be doing this just because he wants to be friends. However, there’s also a chance he’s doing it on purpose, hoping to win your affection back or prevent you from moving on.
Here’s What You Can Do to Get Him out of Your Head
Take some time away from him.
If you’re still talking to your ex regularly and you can’t get him out of your head, it might be time to step away from him. That doesn’t mean you need to cut him out of your life for good (although you certainly can if you want to), but it might be a good idea to allow yourselves some breathing room.
They say, “out of sight, out of mind” for a reason. Taking some time away from each other could do a lot to help both of you heal.
That’s why a no contact period is almost always a great idea, even if you don’t plan on getting back together with your ex. You both will have the space you need to focus on healing.
If necessary, take a vacation from social media.
Deciding to take a break from your ex and actually going through with it are two different things entirely. Usually, it’s easier to think about doing something than it is to actually do it.
Even if you’re not talking to him, his face could be splashed across your social media accounts. How are you supposed to recover if you see him or think of him every time you open an app?
That’s not going to be helpful for your healing. If you’re still friends with him on various social media apps, consider unfollowing him temporarily.
In the worst-case scenario, you can also think about a temporary deactivation of your accounts. Some sites, such as Facebook, allow you to deactivate your account for as long as you need without permanently deleting it.
Focus on yourself and improvement.
While you’re giving yourself space, focus on yourself. Do the things that make you happy.
We always recommend spending time with your loved ones. Whether it’s your close friends or family, surround yourself with the people who make you feel the best.
Now is also the perfect time to take up the hobbies you’ve always been interested in. If you’ve always wanted to learn how to bake a specific kind of cake, give it a try!
It can be anything you want. Take a class on a language you want to learn, read that book that’s been gathering dust on your nightstand, or start doing yoga.
Whatever makes you feel the best, go for it. You might find that these activities absorb your thoughts instead of your ex-boyfriend.
Don’t try too hard not to think of him.
We know – this sounds kind of confusing. We’ve spent all this time telling you how not to think of your ex-boyfriend, and now we’re telling you to think of him, anyway?
But this makes sense if you consider it more deeply. As an illustration, think about what happens when you can’t touch your face, such as when you’re washing dishes, waiting for your nails to dry, or wearing gloves.
Do you know what happens? Suddenly, your face can’t stop itching, and you long to scratch it more than ever.
The same thing happens when we repress thoughts. By forcefully squashing down thoughts of your ex, you’re just encouraging them to pop up elsewhere, like in your dreams.
Acknowledging these thoughts and feelings is better than denying they exist. This doesn’t mean confessing them to your ex – instead, it means accepting that they’re still there. Give yourself time to let go of those feelings.
Your thoughts of him will fade in time, too.
Should You Try and Get Him Back?
When your ex-boyfriend keeps showing up in your thoughts, you might start wondering whether or not you should get back together. This is even truer when you realize you still have feelings for him.
So should you get back together with him? Unfortunately, this isn’t a clear yes or no answer. Others might just immediately tell you no, but the truth is, it’s more of a gray area.
The best way to look at it is this: do you both contribute to each other’s happiness? Does your relationship have room to grow healthily?
If you can honestly answer yes to those questions, it’s not necessarily a bad thing to think about winning him back. Just don’t fall for the trap of thinking you absolutely need him – it’s a toxic mentality, and you truthfully don’t need him.
What you need is happiness. If your ex-boyfriend can provide that to you in a healthy manner, that’s fantastic, but he’s not the only way to find that happiness.
Whatever You Decide, It’s Never a Bad Idea to Sharpen Your Romance Skills
If you decide you’re going to try to get back together with your ex or you’re going to see what other fish there are in the sea, you’ll need to sharpen those romance skills. It’s okay to feel like you’ve gotten a little rusty, especially when you’ve been in a long relationship.
Dating again (even if you’re starting over with your ex) can be scary! Fortunately, there are people out there who can help you.
That’s why we recommend Amy North’s Devotion System. It’s a course filled with information about how to snare the heart of any man using male psychology. You’ll learn exactly what to say and do at every stage of a relationship in it.
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