DATE AT AN EXPERT LEVEL
A lot of things can happen after a breakup. If you’re lucky, it will go smoothly and you’ll be able to learn to be kind to each other even after the end of the relationship.
But things don’t always go the way we expected. One thing your ex-boyfriend might start doing after the relationship is completely ignoring you. How are you supposed to deal with him when he does this?
You’re in the right place. We’ll help you navigate the stormy waters and answer the question of why your ex-boyfriend is acting like you never existed.
Why is My Ex-Boyfriend Acting like I Never Existed?
You can’t fix a problem if you don’t know what the cause is. Otherwise, you’ll just be fumbling blindly, hoping you stumble on the solution.
Let’s start by looking at the reasons he might be refusing to acknowledge your existence.
He needs some breathing room.
You might have gone most of your life hearing that men are cold or don’t feel emotion, but this is completely false. Men are emotional beings, just like anyone else. They just tend to hide it whenever they can.
Post-breakup, your ex-boyfriend could be overwhelmed with emotions. This might mean he needs space to breathe and regroup emotionally before interacting with you again.
It’s not an insult to you in this case, just a natural need for a break. You can usually tell this is the case if he’s been perfectly civil to you and just suddenly seemed to disappear.
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He’s not sure how to cope with difficult situations.
Not everyone has the maturity to handle pain gracefully. If your boyfriend hasn’t learned to deal with difficult emotional circumstances, he might be struggling to cope.
Try to remember how he behaved in the relationship. Whenever you had an argument, was his first response to shut you out? Did he storm off or give you the cold shoulder?
If that sounds familiar, chances are, he needs to learn to deal with his emotions healthily. His acting like you don’t exist is him giving into immature coping mechanisms he’s used previously.
You hurt his feelings.
Sometimes, someone’s actions are caused by our own. To determine if this is the case with your ex-boyfriend, you’ll need to be brutally honest with yourself.
Did you recently start an argument with him or verbally attack him? Is there a possibility you called him names, insulted him, or made harsh accusations?
Look, it’s normal to get upset in a breakup. There’s a reason no one likes them. Our emotions can get the best of us, and that leads to us saying things thoughtlessly.
Acknowledging you made such a mistake is the first step to getting past it. And if you’ve realized you’ve hurt him, then acting like you’re not there may be his way to protect himself.
Communicating with an ex is difficult. Don’t leave these interactions up to chance, and arm yourself with the best strategies out there for reaching guys by text.
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When someone is doing something that upsets you, one of your first natural responses is to turn away. As much as you might be tempted to creep on an ex to keep tabs on him, it can easily get to be too much to handle.
That same overwhelming feeling could be running through your ex-boyfriend’s mind. He may have seen that you seem to be happy (or even that you’ve started dating again), and he could be jealous.
For his own peace of mind, ignoring you could simply be easier than getting involved. We’re not saying it’s a mature and healthy response, but we are saying that it’s understandable.
It’s the first step to getting over you.
You’ve likely heard the phrase, “clean break” before. When someone says they want a “clean break,” what they mean is they want to completely cut themselves off from something that’s hurting them.
If that “something” is you, then it’s not a personal insult on your ex-boyfriend’s part. It just means he’s taking the first steps necessary to get past you so he can move on with his life.
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He’s attempting to play it cool.
If, despite his best efforts to move on, he still has feelings for you, one of his first responses could be to act casual. This is particularly true if he thinks you’ve moved on completely, whether or not you actually have.
What’s one thing we do when we want to act like something doesn’t affect us at all? We pretend like it’s not there. Think about all the times someone you know (maybe even you!) has tried to play it cool.
You probably pull out your phone and ignore your surroundings, stare into the distance, or act as if you’re absorbed in thought. This same concept is applicable to your ex-boyfriend when he acts like you don’t exist.
It’s basically a way of living out the old adage, “fake it ‘til you make it.”
Here’s What You Can Do About It
Give both of you some space.
This probably sounds weird to say. You’re probably reading this because you’re hoping to figure out how you can get him to talk to you again, so it seems odd to suggest you give him space.
But hear us out. If he’s ignoring you, you’ll only make him pull away even harder if you keep throwing yourself at him. Worst of all, you’ll make yourself look desperate and pathetic, neither of which are turn-ons for any guy.
So you should allow him his space. This isn’t just because he needs it – it’s also because you could likely use the space to clear your head and breathe, too.
Focus on making yourself feel better.
While you’re giving yourself some much-needed space, take some time for yourself. Hang out with your friends and family. Do whatever you need to relax.
Use this time to work on regaining your confidence, too. Try looking into hobbies you’ve always been interested in, or read that book you’ve never had the time for.
This might sound like you’re wasting time, but it’s crucial to your recovery. You ended your relationship for a reason. There was something wrong with it, and one or both of you was making a mistake.
If you don’t make any attempt to repair that divide by healing yourself, he won’t have much reason to talk to you. You should try to put your best foot forward when you talk to your ex again.
Stop yourself from creeping on him on social media.
We’ve all done it after a breakup: creeped on our ex’s profiles. You can tell yourself you’re not going to do it. You can distract yourself with other things as much as you want.
But as the days, weeks, and months go on, you start wondering what’s going on. Your mind fills with stressful “what ifs” that you have to answer, so you promise you’ll take just a quick peek at his social media profiles.
When you’re taking space from him, you’ll be tempted to dig through his accounts for any morsels of information. Try not to do it. It’s like picking at a healing wound, and it will probably make you feel worse than better.
If you have to, bribe yourself for every day you don’t creep on him. Tell yourself you’ll get a coffee or whatever else intrigues you.
In the worst-case scenario, many social media sites allow you to temporarily deactivate your account if you find yourself needing a break.
When enough time has passed, casually reach out to him.
When you feel you’ve had a long enough break, consider reaching back out to your ex-boyfriend. As for what “enough time” means, that’s up to you to decide.
We know we say this all the time, but we usually recommend a no contact period. Giving yourself space fulfills that requirement. Usually, people who have chosen to go through a no contact period set a specific amount of time when they start it.
This does not mean that you should contact him days into your break the moment you feel like you miss him. What it does mean is that you contact him after at least a week or more to yourself.
There’s even a possibility he’ll reach out to you first, wondering where you went when he hasn’t heard from you for awhile.
Transform Yourself into Someone Any Man Will Devote Themselves To
Whether you’re looking to regain your ex’s affection or the affection of a new man, you’ll need to be at the top of your game. While we make an effort to provide detailed and helpful guides for you, we understand that occasionally, you just need a bit more advice.