Breaking up with your ex-boyfriend is already a hard situation. The happier you were in the relationship, the more hurt you’ll be.
You’ll likely even be hurt even if the relationship wasn’t perfect. It’s just difficult to end a connection you have with someone.
You expect your ex-boyfriend to be hurting, too, especially if he loved you. But your ex-boyfriend may be acting like he doesn’t care, the exact opposite of what you think.
Don’t worry – we’ll help you figure out why it seems like he doesn’t care. Read on to find out what he might really be thinking and feeling.
Why is My Ex-Boyfriend Asking Like He Doesn’t Care?
If you’re hoping to make him care again, you need to understand what the root of the problem is. That’s why we’re going to start by looking at the reasons why he may be acting like he doesn’t care.
The most painful option is that he really might not care. If he’s the one who broke up with you, him acting cold after the breakup could just be him being himself.
Think back to your actual relationship. Did you ever notice him acting distant or uncaring towards you? Then his choice to break up with you is likely just him desiring to be single again.
It’s different if his coldness after the breakup is a huge change from how he acted while he was with you. In that case, he might be trying to play it cool because he doesn’t want to show you how vulnerable he is.
Similarly, it might be a “fake it until you make it” approach. By acting like he doesn’t care, he could be trying to force himself into not caring anymore.
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What Can I do to Get Him to Care Again?
Go through a no contact period.
One thing we unfailingly recommend is completing a no contact period. As you can guess, that means you avoid speaking to him for a specific period of time – usually anywhere from two weeks to a few months.
This no contact period can be tailored to your specific situation. If you have children with him and need to talk to him, for example, you can make sure you cut off any communication that isn’t strictly necessary.
How long the no contact period should be is up to you. Again, most range from a couple weeks to months. It depends on how long you feel comfortable with and how much time you think you need.
Doing this ensures you and your ex have some breathing room. As a bonus, you’ll also be making him curious about you. If you seemingly drop off his radar, he’ll wonder where you’ve gone and what you’re doing.
Try to have fun and build yourself up.
Any no contact period is a two-step process. Not only are you cutting off conversation between you and your ex, but you’re going to need to take some time for yourself.
In other words, focus on the things you’ve always wanted to do. Try those hobbies you’ve been curious about. Spend time with your loved ones.
The goal is to have as much fun as you can after the breakup. This will help you heal and build your confidence in yourself.
It has a side effect, though. That side effect is your ex-boyfriend will see you being happy without him, and might just wondering how he can make you come back to him again.
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When you talk again, don’t make yourself too available.
If you want him to fall head over heels for you again (or even if you just want to stay friends), you’ll need to talk to him.
When you finish your no contact period, if he hasn’t reached out to you first, consider texting or messaging him.
As you talk to him, though, try to avoid the trap of seeming too clingy. Don’t answer him as soon as he messages you, and don’t talk for hours and hours at a time.
Both these things show him you’re willing to drop everything to talk to him. In that case, he doesn’t need to work hard for you, because he thinks he can get you at any time.
We don’t want that to be what he thinks. No, the objective is to show him that he has to work to win you back, not the other way around.
That means take some time before answering him, unless it’s a time-sensitive conversation. Don’t pounce on your phone in a hurry every time you hear it go off.
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Second, take breaks randomly when possible in the conversation. This is especially wise when you feel like you’re running out of things to say. Just tell him you need to go for awhile, then put down your phone and let him marinate in curiosity about you while he wonders what you’re doing.
Make sure conversations are fun and light.
When you talk to him, you should try to keep the conversations as fun and easy as possible. Don’t try to corner him into talks about reconciliation or attack him for things he did wrong.
There’s a time and a place for serious discussions. After a no contact period is not the time for them.
You want him to feel comfortable reaching out to you again, especially if you’re hoping to get back with him. If your ex feels like all you care about is forcing him into a relationship too soon again, he’ll leave you on read.
Not sure what to say to him? That’s perfectly okay – there are tons of priceless resources you can tap into, like this Text Chemistry program.
It’s filled with templates of texts you can send to any man. Each one is designed to pique his interest, so he won’t be able to resist talking to you more and more.
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Give it time.
Waiting for something you urgently want is hard. If you’re really missing your ex-boyfriend, you’re probably going to wonder why he isn’t leaping back into your arms with every single day that passes.
These things take time. A breakup can destroy much of the trust there was between you. Emotions are still raw, and both of you will probably have broken hearts.
It can’t be fixed in a day. Even if, against the odds, you instantly got back together, you’d find that your relationship would be fragile for a little while.
It’s kind of like breaking a bone. You can put a cast on it, but it will take some time before you can take it off and move normally again.
Don’t give in to your impatience. Getting back together isn’t a straight line – sometimes, it will seem like you take two steps back when you only want to move forward.
It’s okay. When you start to feel hopeless, take a break and some deep breaths.
If He Still Doesn’t Care, Accept That He’s Showing You His True Colors
If, after spending all this time talking to him, you notice he still doesn’t seem to care, you might need to face a painful truth: he truly doesn’t care.
Continuing to cling to him and talk to him after realizing this won’t do you any good. You may need to accept it and move on.
We know that’s easier said than done. Moving on isn’t something that happens all at once, and it will take you time.
Don’t be afraid to give yourself that time. Reach out to your friends and family to rely on them for support.
How Can I Can I Make Him Obsess Over Me?
Even if you’ve known your ex-boyfriend for years, you might have no clue how to get him back after breaking up. Breakups can change people we know and love into complete strangers.
When we’re unsure of what to do in romance, we take advice from relationship coaches like Amy North. She’s created this course called the Devotion System which uses male psychology to teach you how to make men obsess over you.
If you’re at your wit’s end with your ex, we recommend giving it a try.