DATE AT AN EXPERT LEVEL
Sometimes it seems like men just can’t stop lying to us.
So what’s the deal? Why do they do it?
And is it always out of malice? Let’s find out…
Here are 10 reasons why men lie to women:
Why do Men Lie to Women?
1. To Get What They Want
The most straightforward reason that a man may lie to you is to get what he wants. This can range from a white lie that slightly persuades you to deeply manipulating you to do something you don’t quite want to. Sometimes this is a conscious decision, but oftentimes it may be due to an unconscious desire or need.
If you’re constantly being lied to by your partner then there’s a good chance that they are using deception as a tool to get what they want from you. In some cases, this can be harmless, but in others, it can be destructive and harmful. If this is a problem in your relationship, it’s important to address it head-on.
Tell him that you want honesty in your relationship, as well as compromise. You need him to give in to your needs on occasion as well, instead of manipulating a situation so that his are met.
2. To Avoid Getting Into Trouble
Men will often lie to avoid getting into trouble with you or someone else. He might tell a white lie about where he is going, who he’s hanging out with, and so forth in order to save face. Getting in trouble can refer to having a fight, losing a relationship, or disappointing you.
He likely feels that being dishonest will have less of a consequence than telling the truth. However, this is usually an inflated view of the situation, and the outcome will likely be less dramatic than he assumes. He has to let go of past relationships that taught him to avoid getting into trouble. This requires open conversations as well as a strong sense of self-worth so he can humbly accept any uncomfortable moments.
3. To Make Themselves Look Good
A man may also lie to make himself look good in your eyes. This could be exaggerating their accomplishments, downplaying their failures, or even just making things up altogether.
They may feel that they need to put on a show in order to impress you and win your approval. Men who feel this need to perform usually have low self-esteem or less confidence. This may have been from other relationships or from their upbringing.
He may also be intimidated by your accomplishments and feel the need to compete with you. If you feel that your guy is lying to you because he needs to prove himself or feel that he is on your level, talk to him. Let him know that you are interested in him for who he is and that there’s no need to compete or perform.
4. To Avoid Hurting Our Feelings
Some men lie to avoid hurting our feelings. This could be telling us that we look great when we don’t, saying they are fine when they’re not, or downplaying how they feel about something in order not to upset us.
They may think that lying is a gentler way of dealing with the situation and it will ultimately save the relationship, but this is rarely the case.
In fact, it often has a negative effect and makes us feel worse about ourselves after we find out. If the lie is about something bigger, this can cause irreparable damage in your relationship if you do not talk about what happened and how hurtful it was.
If your man thinks that he is trying to protect you and your feelings, he may not be able to see other areas where he may be creating damage.
In order to avoid these lies from continuing, talk to him and explain that you would appreciate it if he was more honest with you in the future, even if it means that you may feel upset or hurt. Let him know you will try your best not to take it personally and understand that he is coming from a good place.
5. Because They’re Afraid of Us
Finally, men lie to us because they’re afraid of us. This fear can come from our emotional reactions or the repercussions that may come if we find out what he’s really up to.
Maybe previous patterns in your relationship have made him feel that it’s not safe to share the truth. Do you raise your voice, say hurtful things, or even become physical when you’re unhappy with your man?
If so, he may feel like he can’t tell you the truth without fearing for his safety. If this is the case, it’s important to work on your emotional reactions and create a safe space for him to share what’s going on in his life with you.
6. They Don’t Know How to Communicate Honestly
If this man came from an upbringing where lying was a regular part of life, he may have carried this over into his relationship with you.
Perhaps it’s a specific area where he lies, such as his job, his sex life, or how he spends his money. If this is the case, it may be because he doesn’t know how to communicate honestly and openly with you.
This may even be an unconscious process for him if it’s a very old habit from his childhood. You can help him by bringing awareness to the habit. Let him know that you notice he is not being honest and that you would like to work on this together.
7. They’re Insecure About Themselves
This is another common reason why men lie to women. He may feel like he’s not good enough for you and that he needs to make up things in order to look better in your eyes.
He might also be insecure about his relationship with you, thinking that you will leave him or find someone else who is better suited for you. Jealousy can lead to insecurity and this can, in turn, lead to more lying.
If you feel like your man is insecure, try to be supportive and understanding. Let him know that you love him for who he is and that there’s no need to lie or compete with you.
8. They Want to Avoid Conflict
Some men lie in order to avoid conflict. Maybe he doesn’t want to deal with your anger, sadness, or disappointment. He also may be an avoidant person in general and just doesn’t want to deal with any type of confrontation or negative emotions.
However, this is not a healthy way to live and it’s definitely not how a relationship should function. If you feel that your man is lying to avoid conflict, talk to him about it. Let him know that you would like to have an open and honest relationship where you can help him to confront his fears and anxieties in a safe space.
9. They Think It Will Be Easier
Many men find it to be more convenient than to tell the truth. For example, if a guy went to a club, he may not want to explain to you that he was at a club for a business-related meeting. So he may simply tell you that he stayed late at the office.
They may feel like it’s easier to lie than to try and explain the truth, especially if they know you’ll be upset or disappointed.
However, this is never an okay reason for lying. If your man has a habit of doing this sort of thing, he needs to work on his communication skills so that he can find more honest and effective ways to explain difficult situations.
10. They Want You to Think They Have Lofty Motives
Some men lie to women out of narcissism. He may feel like if he tells the truth, you won’t admire him as much or that it will ruin his reputation in your eyes.
If this is the case, try talking with him about why he feels so compelled to constantly embellish stories and how it makes you feel when he does this. Let him know that you would rather have the truth, no matter how ugly it may be than to constantly hear lies from him.
What does it mean when a man lies to you?
When a man lies to you, it means that he doesn’t have the courage to be honest with you.
Men usually lie as a preventative measure, not because they’re malicious. They often don’t want to deal with your anger or disappointment if the truth is revealed, so it’s easier for them just to tell you what you want to hear.
Sometimes men lie when they feel insecure about themselves and fear that their girlfriend will be disappointed in them if she learns who they really are at their core. This says much more about the man than it does you.
It’s important to understand that lying is a learned behavior and it takes time for men (or anyone really) to break old habits. If you’ve been with someone who constantly lies, try not to take it personally. It may be hard in the moment but if your man truly cares about you, he will have no problem being honest after he’s put in the effort to change his ways.
How do you know when a man lies to you?
There are a few key signs that can help you determine if your man is lying to you.
If he’s evasive when answering your questions or avoids eye contact, this is usually a sign that he’s not telling the truth. If his stories always seem too good to be true or if he constantly changes the details of his tales, this is also a sign that he’s not telling the truth.
Pay attention to your intuition as well- if you have a feeling that something isn’t right, there’s probably a good reason for it. Trust your gut and address the issue head-on with your man. This will be the most effective way to get to the bottom of things.
If you still can’t tell whether or not he is telling the truth, ask him some straightforward questions and see how he responds to them. If his answers are evasive or if they don’t make any sense, this could indicate that there’s a possibility that your man isn’t being entirely honest with you.