DATE AT AN EXPERT LEVEL
The worst has happened: you’ve broken up with your boyfriend.
After a little thinking, you decide the best way for you to cope is to initiate a no contact period. It gives you the time you need to heal and work on making yourself happy.
But at the end of the no contact time frame, you find yourself still thinking about your ex. And now that the period is over, you’re wondering about talking to him again.
We’ve written this guide for you if you have no idea what to text your ex-boyfriend after a no contact period. We’ll lay out all your options for you so you can make an educated decision, no matter what the outcome you’re looking for is.
But let’s begin with some basics for anyone who needs background information…
What is a No Contact Period, and Why Should You Do It?
If you’re new to the dating game (or the subject of breakups), you might not have heard about no contact periods. We’ll fill you in.
In a nutshell, a no contact period is exactly what it sounds like. It’s when, after a breakup, you choose not to contact your ex at all for a set period of time.
The amount of time varies, and depends on what you think you’d be most comfortable with. It can be anywhere from a couple weeks to several months.
Why would you do this, especially if you still love him?
Most people who complete no contact periods feel that the good outweighs the bad. These periods give you the time you need to pick yourself up, recover, and improve yourself.
Relationships are a learning experience, even when they’re over. You can’t really learn if you don’t pause to reflect on your lessons at any point, and that’s what a no contact period is: a pause to reflect and grow.
(Of course, it doesn’t hurt that it also gives your ex time to miss you. You know what they say: absence makes the heart grow fonder.)
Related Article: Why is My Ex-Boyfriend Blocking and Unblocking Me?
Let’s Figure Out the Answers to These Questions Now
The very first step before you even begin texting your ex again should be planning.
Aside from just thinking about what to text, you’ll need to think about where your heart and your head are in all this. Answering these questions will give you much clearer picture to move forward with:
Should you text him again?
Ah, here’s a tough question to ask. It also might seem really weird to ask this in a guide dedicated to learning how to text your ex.
But it needs to be answered. The thing is, the answer is oftentimes no, you shouldn’t text your ex-boyfriend.
When is the answer yes, then?
You should think about texting him again if you still feel strongly about him after the no contact period. Wanting to be friends is also another good motivation for texting him again.
How are you feeling about him after the no contact period?
This is a matter of the heart first and foremost, so obviously it’s crucial to examine your own feelings.
Your emotional state is important. You need to be feeling much better than after you broke up to confidently contact him now.
So if you’re still feeling upset and confused, you probably want to step back for a little while longer or even consider letting him go completely. This is especially true if he mistreated you or the relationship was otherwise toxic.
If you’re feeling confident and stronger, then you’re in a way better position for talking with your ex-boyfriend. He’ll see the positivity you’re radiating and appreciate it no matter what.
Hopefully, he’s feeling similarly, and your new relationship – whether it’s romantic or platonic – can start off on the right foot.
Still head over heels for him? You’ve got a long journey ahead of you to get back into his heart, but it’s not impossible.
Our wingwoman of choice is Amy North. She’s a tried and true relationship coach who has developed tons of strategies for making men swoon over you.
We personally love her Text Chemistry program. It uses tons of sneaky tricks and psychologically designed texts that men can’t resist.
You Might Also Like: What to Text Your Ex-Boyfriend to Make Him Jealous (Without Being Toxic)
Is it better to wait for him to contact you?
Now that you have a better idea of whether or not you should text him, the next question is when you should text him.
In many of our other guides, we’ve talked about the advantages of playing hard to get when you first start dating. Putting some distance between you and your crush inspires him to chase you and value the attention you give him.
There’s a time and a place for those flirtatious games, though, and post-breakup is definitely not it. You need to really show your ex that you’re genuine in your desire to be a part of his life.
That means no playing games. Take the first step in showing him your sincerity by reaching out to him first, if he hasn’t contacted you already.
You’ll be letting him know that you’re ready to talk. He won’t assume that you’re avoiding him, and provided he wants to talk, he should meet you halfway here.
What to Text Your Ex-Boyfriend After a No Contact Period
Get a readout on his feelings.
Feeling unsure because you don’t know what’s going on in his heart? There’s an easy way to find out, and it doesn’t involve a mind reader.
It’s deceptively simple: just ask him.
You don’t really need to come right out and ask him to confess his deepest feelings to you. However, you can kind of get an indirect idea of what he’s thinking by just asking how he’s doing or feeling.
His answer will tell you a lot, no matter what he says. For instance, if he gives you a cold one-word answer, you know he’s not at a point where he wants to talk to you yet.
If he not only answers your question, but then asks you in response, you know he’s more open to talking. It’s a good sign.
You can even gather information from him not answering at all. In this case, no answer is an answer: it means he doesn’t want to talk, so you should move on.
Example: “Hey, *his name.* I know it’s been awhile since we talked, but I just wanted to check on how you’re feeling. Are you doing okay?”
Talk about the good times.
This approach might work best if you’ve already got a little bit of a conversation going. When the conversation starts to wind down and you want to keep it going, turn to one of your most effective weapons: nostalgia.
We all like to remember the good times fondly. It’s human nature to dwell on our favorite memories.
Open that memory box and pull out some of the best times from your relationship. Ask him if he remembers the time you accidentally flung pasta at a wall in an Olive Garden, or the time you camped under the stars, for example.
Chances are, if you still remember these things and smile, he holds the memories near and dear, too. Reminding him of them should soften his heart at least a little.
Example: “Remember that time we went backpacking in the national park? I still think about it sometimes.”
Start with something to make him laugh.
We’ve lost track of all the times we’ve said humor is the greatest tension dissolver.
And here we are, getting ready to say it again. But that’s just because it’s true.
Humor is often what gets us through the hardest times. A good laugh eases the tension in your shoulders, jaw, and head.
Plus, when someone can make you laugh, you just naturally like them more. Those people are the most fun to be around.
Your ex-boyfriend will feel the same way about you if you can make him laugh. He’ll almost instantly feel more comfortable talking to you.
Example: “Hey, *his name.* I just saw this crazy meme and I thought it seemed like something you’d love.” –Followed up with a picture of the meme.
Recommended Article: What to Text Your Ex-Boyfriend on His Birthday (And If You Should)
Show him that he’s on your mind.
Can’t stop thinking about him and want a way to tell him without coming off too strong?
You can easily tell him this in an indirect way. Our go-to method is finding something that reminds us of him and sending it to him.
It could be pretty much anything. But the easiest things to send him would probably be videos, songs, or references to books and movies.
Once you’ve figured it out, send to him and tell him it made you think of him. If nothing else, this tells him that he’s on your mind, and doesn’t require you to come out and say it.
Example: “I just heard this song today on the way to work, and it made me think of you. Let me know what you think.” –Then follow it up with a link to the song.
Ask him about something he’s interested in.
The secret to making yourself look like a master conversationalist without any work is surprisingly easy. Just make the conversation focused on the other person – in this case, your ex.
Ready to up your texting game? Check out this guide immediately!
Ask him about his interests and hobbies. You can really up the ante here by asking for his advice regarding these things, because then he’ll get to feel like an expert.
Let’s say he’s into photography, as an illustration. You could text him to say you’re getting interested in taking pictures, and you’d like to know which cameras he recommends for beginners.
Example: “Hey, *his name.* I’ve been getting into taking pictures lately, and I’d like your opinion on which camera would be best for a beginner like me. If you have any other pointers, I’d love to hear them.”
Discuss the possibility of hanging out again.
Are things going pretty well between you? Have you been having pleasant conversations with him again?
You might be at the point where you’re ready to think about hanging out again. Remember, this doesn’t have to be romantic.
It is possible to be just friends with an ex after the breakup. We won’t lie to you: it’s not easy, but it can be done.
Of course, if sparks are flying between you once more, you can seize this chance to gauge the chemistry in person, too. There’s nothing wrong with making it romantic if you’re both feeling the connection.
So when it’s going well, start feeling out what he thinks of meeting. Ask him for a quick hangout somewhere in public, like at a coffee shop or casual restaurant.
These places are nice and neutral. On top of that, if things start to get awkward, you won’t be alone with each other, struggling to make small talk in a silent room.
Example: “How would you feel about grabbing a cup of coffee with me on my lunch break tomorrow?”
Invite him to be your friend.
If you’re interested in being friends with him, you might need to make this clear from the get-go. Just texting him after weeks or even months of no communication could potentially give him the wrong idea.
So once you get talking again, send him a short text asking him for a truce and to be friends. Maybe, as time goes on, it could change and you could see a relationship develop again.
But for the time being, there’s certainly nothing wrong with going back to the basics.
Example: “I know it’s been some time since we talked, but I still like you as a person and would love to keep talking to you. Would be okay being my friend?”
Plan out your future and expectations.
The first step into your future is the present. So there really is no time like the present to start planning out where you want this path to take you.
It’s true you can’t plan for everything that happens. Accidents and surprises occur all the time.
But you can still start by establishing boundaries and expectations with your ex-boyfriend so that neither of you is uncomfortable talking.
This is where you tell him whether you want him to be a friend, a distant acquaintance, or if someday you’d like to look at getting back together. You can also talk about which things you’d like to avoid, such as dating each other’s friends and family members.
With an understanding of what both of you want, talking to him will be a million times easier.
Example: “I’d like to keep talking to you, but I think it’s important we talk about some boundaries first. What do you think?”
Further Reading: What to Text Your Ex-Boyfriend to Make Him Want You Back
If You Want Him Back, You’ll Need to Improve Your Texting Skills
Related Article: How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back Over Text (In 3 Simple Steps)
While the options on our list could get a conversation flowing between you two again, winning him back is still going to take time and strategy. You’ll need to really think about everything you do to earn his affection back, if that’s your end goal.
And a lot of it will be done through text. Not all of it, of course, but a large portion of it, so it’s vital that you have amazing texting skills.
How do you polish them? By learning from the experts, like romance coach Amy North.
She wrote her Text Chemistry course with the goal of getting women all around the world to text like pros. Following her advice and using her text templates, you’ll be well on your way back to your ex-boyfriend’s arms.