Relationships aren’t always smooth sailing, are they?
Anyone who says otherwise doesn’t know what they’re talking about. When you’re with someone you love long enough, you naturally have disagreements.
It’s just human nature. You can’t expect to be perfectly in sync all the time.
But just because you get angry with each other, doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your relationship. And when this happens, you both need to make an effort to talk to each other.
So what can you text your boyfriend when he’s mad at you to start the peace negotiations? Read on, and we’ll show you your options.
Before you read...
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Before You Text Your Angry Boyfriend…
Take some time to decompress.
While it’s perfectly fine to go into the conversation acknowledging the fact you’re upset, you shouldn’t text him when you’re so angry, you think you’ll lash out at him.
What this leads to is making him angrier than he already is. He’ll feel as if he needs to defend himself by lashing out back at you in return.
So until you feel like you can text him calmly and clearly, you need to step back. Do whatever you need to work out the tension in yourself.
We suggest doing some things you love, like exercising, seeing friends, talking to family, or working on your art. Allow yourself to reach a calmer state, and then once you’re ready, text your boyfriend.
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Think about why he’s angry, and if you owe him an apology.
One of the most mature things we can do in relationships is acknowledge when we’ve done something wrong. Think back to your recent actions, and whether or not they’re the cause of his anger.
Nobody is perfect. You may have done something that offended him or hurt his feelings accidentally, or you may have even done it on purpose in a momentary lapse of judgment.
It’s okay. The first step to fixing the issue is realizing there is one in the first place, then you can begin the work to move past it.
But on the other hand, things aren’t always your fault. He might be angry for reasons you don’t know, or he may be angry for reasons that seem trivial to you.
It’s important to take time to try and figure out what the underlying reason is, because it will change how you text him next. You’ll want to apologize if the blame is even partially yours, but you shouldn’t necessarily apologize for things beyond your control or that you didn’t cause.
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Remember to be open and receptive to what he has to say.
When he opens up to you, let him tell you how he’s feeling without judgment. Listen to him and give him time to speak without interrupting.
He may have feelings that don’t make sense to you. Chances are, he’s aware of the fact that some of his feelings are hurtful or unreasonable.
But they’re just that – feelings. They don’t have to become actions, and frequently, we feel things randomly.
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Think about all the times you’ve just woken up on the wrong side of the bed, or felt blue for seemingly no reason. Emotions aren’t always logical.
So be respectful of him when he shares his thoughts and feelings with you. When he’s finished, tell him how you’re feeling.
Then you can start to work as a team on how you’re going to get past this. If you were to respond to harshly to him after he discussed how he was feeling, you wouldn’t even be able to get to this point.
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What to Text Your Boyfriend When He’s Mad at You
Apologize to him.
We all make mistakes. Sometimes, that means we do things without thinking that hurt the people we care about.
If after some thought, you’ve realized you’re the one at fault here, you’ll definitely impress him with your maturity by acknowledging this and apologizing to him first. Bridge the gap between you with a sincere apology, and let him know you realize what you did was wrong.
It could be that you were teasing him too much, insulting him, or whatever else you may have done.
They key word here, though, is “sincere.” Don’t apologize to him just because you think it’s what he wants to hear.
Truly apologize from the bottom of your heart, and he’ll be able to feel your authenticity.
Example: “I just wanted to let you know, I’m really sorry I threw away your old shoes (or whatever else you may have done.) I didn’t realize how much it would hurt you.”
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Offer to make it up to him.
Words are always a great start to closing the distance between you two, but you might need a little more if he’s really angry. Again, if you realize that you’re the one to blame here, offering to make it up to him could repair the damage.
Whatever you offer, make it relate to whatever it was that made him angry in the first place. Going with the first example, for instance, if you accidentally threw out something important to him, offer to help him get a new one.
If you said something that hurt his feelings, apologize, explain it won’t happen again, and suggest taking him on a date.
Did you accidentally break something? Like with throwing it out, tell him you’ll get him another one if possible.
Example: “I’m so sorry I broke your controller – it was an accident. I’ll get you a new one.”
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He’ll be apologizing to you in no time at all.
Encourage him to be open with you.
Hey, guys can be petty, too! The stereotype is that we women are the ones who get angry all the time for seemingly no reason, but it happens with men sometimes, as well.
It’s entirely possible you might not even know the reason why he’s being salty with you. In that case, one of your best courses of action is to encourage an open dialogue with him.
Don’t come at him in a way that seems judgmental or belittles him. Let him know he matters to you, but you can’t help fix the issue if you don’t even know what it is.
Since guys tend to be focused on solutions, this should make perfect sense to him. Don’t expect an answer right away, though – he may need time to process what he’s feeling before he comes to you.
So don’t keep pushing him; tell him once that you’ll listen to him when he’s ready to talk, then give him the space until he comes to you.
When he does come to you, be open to what he says. Listen carefully, don’t interrupt him, and don’t lash out at him for opening up to you.
Try to keep as calm as you can and respond in a level-headed way, even if that means you need to take some time before you answer him.
Example: “I feel like you’re angry with me, but I don’t understand why. I can’t fix the problem if I don’t know what it is, so please talk to me about what’s going on when you’re ready.”
Make him smile or laugh.
Humor is the greatest tension-breaker.
How many times have you seen comedic relief characters lighten the mood in movies or books? Or how many times have you even felt yourself cracking up in the middle of an argument, until you and everyone else involved dissolved into laughter?
If you’re not getting anywhere trying to talk to your boyfriend when he’s mad at you, a little humor won’t hurt. Making him laugh could loosen him up and get him feeling comfortable enough to discuss his feelings more openly with you.
Example: “You know, they say never go to bed angry…I think we should listen to the experts on this one. ;)” Or you could break the tension with a fitting meme about the reason behind the argument. (If you broke something, for example, send him a meme about clumsiness.)
Further Reading: What to Text a Guy to Get Him to Respond (Tried and True Methods)
Schedule time to unwind together.
For those times when you’re both feeling the stress of external life circumstances and it’s making you both crabby with each other, spend time unwinding together.
You don’t need to schedule this time necessarily to talk through your feelings. You can use it instead to just enjoy each other’s company and relax.
As you both calm down and hopefully feel the connection between you, you might just feel like talking through the reasons for his anger. It’s a great way to loosen him (and you, too) up for this kind of conversation.
Even if it doesn’t happen that way, you’ll probably both love being together, anyway.
Example: “Hey, I think we need some time for fun. How I about I take you out to dinner tonight?”
Let him come to you first.
Men occasionally need space. They don’t always see the need to have in-depth conversations, and prefer to try and work through things on their own.
For that reason, it might be the best idea to just step back and let him think for a bit, especially if you’re not sure why he’s angry at all. It’s possible he might not even be mad at you specifically, but mad at something that’s stressing him out, causing him to lash out or be moody with his loved ones.
Giving him space allows him to calm down, de-stress, and sort out his own feelings. Don’t forget that men are usually told that they can’t be vulnerable emotionally, so he might need to work up the courage to actually discuss his feelings with you.
Maintain the Spark in Your Relationship
Related Article: How to Show a Guy You Like Him Over Text
Once you get out of that mushy honeymoon stage of a relationship, things can get tricky. Arguments may occur more often, the romance might not always be present, and sometimes you may even wonder if it’s all worth it.
Don’t forget, there’s always help out there for you when you’re feeling romantically hopeless. Relationship expert Amy North designed a course called Text Chemistry to help women in all stages of dating, from just talking to long-term relationships.
So if you feel like you’re at your wits’ end, consider using this valuable resource to help breathe life back into your romance. You can click here to find more information on her course.
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