Here’s one of the biggest understatements you might see today: falling in love is stressful.
It sounds wonderful in all the songs, books, and movies you see. But when it happens to you, it’s never as easy as media makes it seem.
Suddenly, you can’t get someone out of your head. You’re struggling to translate their every text, scrambling to see them again, and trying to keep them interested in you, all while working to keep your cool.
When you get to that point where you can’t stop thinking about him, talking to him becomes intense. If you’re not sure what to say, we’ll guide you through this stage.
Establish Some Rules
The very first thing you need to do for yourself is set some rules and boundaries. When you find someone is constantly on your mind, your first instinct will be to go all in and chase him, but you need to stop yourself.
You’ll thank us later for laying down at least these three basic rules:
Don’t text him too much.
When you’re starting to fall for someone, it’s completely natural to want to talk to him as much as possible. This happens for anything else when we discover we love something – we want more of it.
But here’s the thing: when we get too much of what we want, we start to get bored of it. Things lose their appeal when they’re readily available, because you can get them at any time.
It’s the same when it comes to romance. If you talk to him too much, there’s a greater risk of him (or even you) becoming bored.
Plus, you’ll save some conversational topics for your next date when you exercise some restraint. Our personal suggestion is to limit the texting to just a few times a day until the next date.
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Keep it cool.
Another thing you’ll find yourself wanting to do is make a huge confession to him. You’ll fantasize about telling him how you’re feeling, and that he’ll come back with a long, romantic text telling you he feels exactly the same way.
While it’s entirely possible he does feel the same way, we strongly recommend avoiding telling him all your feelings just yet. Flirt with him, hint at it, but don’t make a full confession right now.
If you do, and he’s not entirely ready for the confession, he might be overwhelmed…which could make him want to distance himself from you.
Don’t always text him back right away.
How weird would be if every time you texted him, he answered in a couple seconds?
Pretty weird. You’d almost think he was just hunched over his phone, waiting for your every text.
It’s the same image he might get in his head if you’re answering him right away. So take some time before you answer his messages, unless he’s sent you something that’s time-sensitive.
Even if you’re not necessarily doing anything else, just take some time to relax. That way, you won’t seem as if you’re dropping literally everything to talk to him constantly.
What to Text a Guy You Can’t Stop Thinking About
Start the conversation with a basic conversation opener.
If you’re really not sure what to do to open another conversation with him, stick to the basics. Yes, it seems boring, but it’s one of the safest ways you can go at first.
Asking him a simple “how are you” will pretty much guarantee some kind of response from him. And if he has any sort of conversational skills of his own, he’ll say enough in his reply that you’ll have something to respond to.
Best of all, it keeps you from seeming like you’re desperate for him. It doesn’t lay all your vulnerable emotions on the table and adds a little mystery to your tone that he’ll crave.
He might find himself wondering what he needs to do to make you gush over him.
Examples: “Hey! How was your day?” or “What are you up to?”
Lightly flirt with him.
When a basic conversation opener seems too dull for you and you just have to express your interest in him, some light flirting is your best option.
You’ll be reminding him that you’re into him without coming right out and pouring your heart out to him.
Keep your tone bright, easygoing, and casual. Don’t go too heavy with the flirting early on, because it’ll start to seem fake or, even worse, like you’re not capable of talking about anything else.
Examples: “Hello, handsome! 😉 How’s it going?” or “I’m already excited to see you again.”
When we’re struggling to write the perfect flirty text, our favorite resource is the Text Chemistry program. It’s created by a relationship coach named Amy North who has tons of experience.
With her methods, you’re guaranteed to write texts that will keep him focused on you, and only you.
Tell him how you’re feeling.
We’re not saying you should never tell him how you’re feeling – far from it. In fact, there’s no reason you shouldn’t spill your guts to him, provided you have strong suspicions he reciprocates.
You’ll need to really read between the lines here. A mushy text isn’t the kind you should send him completely out of the blue – he should have been texting you similar romantic sentiments already.
This kind of approach lets you tell him more obviously how you’re feeling than light flirting does. Sending it too randomly or too often could make him run far away from you.
Example: “I just can’t get you out of my head.” Or “I’m missing you already.”
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A picture is worth a thousand words, so send him yours.
See Also: 40+ Dirty Things to Dare a Guy Over Text
Many guys are visual people. Sending him a selfie of your pretty face is one way to stick in his head.
The best thing about this strategy is you can take it in a million different directions. If you want to make it extra flirty, ask him to return the favor once you’ve sent him a picture.
Add a tasteful amount of cleavage to tantalize him. Or, if you’d prefer to keep it tame for the time being, send him a picture of your bright smile to cheer him up.
If there’s one thing we know about guys, it’s that many of them are very sexual people. Hinting at sex, even just a little, will usually get him obsessing over you and scrambling to arrange another date.
We always warn women to not use this method too much, though, if they’re in search of a more serious relationship. Sending him texts with sexual contexts all the time will tell him you’re only interested in him physically.
Example: A seductive selfie with the caption, “Trust me, I do taste as good as good as I look. ;)”
What if you’ve already slept with him, and you’re not sure what else to say? You can check out our guide on what to text a guy after sleeping with him.
If he texts you first, be a conversational chameleon.
The good news is, if he’s texted you first, he’s thinking about you, too.
However, don’t let yourself get too excited when you text him back. Look at what tone he’s using and what he’s saying to you.
Follow along with the tone and the topics of conversation he leads you into. Not only will it be like getting a free tour of what’s going on his head right now, but you’ll come out looking like a good conversationalist who listens to what he has to say.
Further Reading: 15+ Things to Text a Guy to Make Him Like You
Take a little break and don’t text him.
We know it sounds crazy.
But if you can’t stop thinking about him, you risk losing your cool and making confessions to him that you might regret. If you find yourself constantly swooning, it might be a good time for you to take a little breather and collect yourself before you go back to texting him.
We’re not saying ghost him for days at a time. But taking a few hours or an evening to collect yourself a little won’t hurt.
You could also wait to see if he texts you first. The benefit of doing this is it makes him put in some effort and chase you.
The downside, though, is that he could also think that by not texting him, you’re saying you don’t want him. He might decide not to text you at all.
What You Can Do if You Need More Help
Related Article: 10 Things to Text a Guy to Make Him Blush (That Work Every Time)
When you first start developing feelings for a guy, it can be incredibly overwhelming. You may feel powerless when you find you can’t seem to think about anything else.
Still feeling lost in thoughts of him, and terrified you’ll drive him away? There are other resources you can turn to.
We personally adore relationship coach Amy North’s Text Chemistry course. She’s helped tons of women end up with the men of their dreams using easy texts designed to make him want you.