What to Text a Guy Who is Playing Games (To Put That Player On Pause)

You’d think dating would be easy. It should go something like this: you meet someone, you like each other, you date.

Sounds pretty straightforward, right?

Yes, but as we all know, life isn’t always easy. Like everything else, the dating world is full of twists and turns that complicate things, such as guys who love playing games with you…

…whether they know it or not.

So how do you get a guy to quit the games? In this post, we’ll show you what to text a guy who is playing games so you can simplify your love life.

Top Games that Players Play

Turns out, video games aren’t the only kind of game that guys like to play.

These mind and heart games are some of the top games you’ll find in players’ playbooks:

Dodging serious relationship discussions.

Dodging is perfectly fine in a game of schoolyard dodgeball, but not so much when it comes to romance. You’ll know it when you see him avoiding any serious relationship discussions.

He might tell you things like he doesn’t believe in labeling your relationship, he’s not ready to commit, he wants to take it slow, or he might simply refuse to discuss it at all.

In the event you’re pressuring him too early or you both want to keep it casual, it’s reasonable for him to say those things. You don’t always need to have a formal relationship to enjoy a good connection, and other times you just need to be more patient.

But say you’ve been talking to this dude for months, and you’re ready to take it to the next level – then these copouts become a major problem.

Yo-yoing in and out of your life.

If you’ve ever watched a yo-yo bouncing up and down, then you know exactly what we’re getting at here.

This is when a guy is attentive for a period of time, replying to your texts, calling you, making plans, tagging you in memes…and then poof, he’s gone.

Then, just when you think it’s time to get over him, he’s back and he’s all over you again.

It’s enough to give you some serious whiplash. And sadly, if you really felt a connection with him, you’ll find it harder to let him go when he comes knocking on your door again.

Hiding you from his friends and family.

Sometimes, dating a guy feels a bit like being a secret agent.

You might see him all the time. Texts could be flying back and forth between you at all hours of the day and night.

But despite all this time you spend together, you don’t know who his friends and family are. You know he makes plans with them…but he never invites you.

You start to feel like you’re on some kind of classified mission, and it’s a surprisingly lonely feeling. This is problematic, because if he really liked you, he’d be showing you off to his inner circle as soon as things started to get serious.

At best, he might just be wanting to take things really slow. At the very worst, however, it could potentially mean that you’re his side chick.

Shooting you down with backhanded compliments.

"This has the potential to be a red flag the size of a skyscraper, especially if he keeps doing it."

One of the worst trends to come out in the dating field recently is called “negging.” That’s when you compliment a woman…sort of.

The objective is to say something that sounds like a compliment at first, but also insults the other person at the same time. It’s designed to make you feel insecure, so you cling to him rather than getting over him.

For instance, he might tell you that he thinks you look prettier when you’re wearing makeup.

He thinks your makeup skills are on point – great! The part about you not looking as good without it – not so great.

This has the potential to be a red flag the size of a skyscraper, especially if he keeps doing it. But it is entirely possible, too, that he’s maybe not so socially adept and doesn’t realize what he’s said is insensitive.

Hard to get: the men’s edition.

You’ve heard of playing hard to get, and how effective a strategy it is.

Well, sometimes, guys do the same thing. He might make you do all the work in reaching out to him first and making plans, but when you do get talking or go on a date…

Everything goes great.

This could mean a few different things. He could literally just be trying to play hard to get because he legitimately likes you and doesn’t want to scare you away.

Alternatively, he might not care enough to reach out to you first. If you see this happening a lot, it’s probably a good idea to step back and see if he ever initiates a conversation with you on his own.

Hot and cold.

In many ways, this is like playing hard to get, or even a little bit like yo-yoing.

The difference here is that he’s always there in your life – he doesn’t disappear completely. However, he does swing back and forth between hot and cold.

One day, he’s flirting up a storm and you feel the fireworks. The next day, he’s give you frigid one-word replies or not touching you at all.

What does it mean? Possibly that he’s being overwhelmed by the connection and he’s afraid to get into it.

He could also be getting cold feet about the relationship.

Read Next: Take your texting game to the next level with our ultimate guide.

Becoming a ghost.

"The harsh truth is that sometimes, we can drive someone we like away."

Here’s another one you’ve heard of: ghosting.

You know the drill. You’re talking to this guy, maybe you’ve been on a few dates…the bottom line is, everything seems to be going great.

Until he disappears. No more texts, no more dates, no more calls, just flat radio silence on his end.

Unlike yo-yoing, he doesn’t try and come back into your life, either. He’s just completely gone.

The reasons for playing this particular game can vary. He may have lost interest, found someone else, or been scared off by any pressure you put on him.

The harsh truth is that sometimes, we can drive someone we like away. But there are things you can do to prevent this from happening, like having a good texting strategy.

If you need help improving your texting abilities, check out the Text Chemistry program written by romance expert Amy North. It’s full of texting templates and tips you can use to keep any guy’s interest level high, so he won’t want to ghost you in the first place.

Read Also: What to Text a Guy After Being Ghosted 

What to Text a Guy Who is Playing Games

We’re about to tell you something you may not want to hear: if he’s playing games like these with you, you don’t necessarily have a lot of good options.

The thing is, while some minor flirty games can be fun, consistently playing around with your heart like this isn’t mature. You may need to face the fact that he just isn’t worth your energy.

That being said, here are some options that could help you put that player on pause:

Lay out your feelings.

This doesn’t necessarily making a big confession of your love or anything, but instead means you should tell him how his games make you feel. It’s particularly effective if he’s playing this game with your head (and heart!) without even realizing it, which could be the case if he’s inexperienced or socially awkward.

Avoid getting hostile, though. Don’t yell at him in all caps, swear at him, call him names, or insult him. All that does is make him feel like he needs to lash out in return to defend himself, and that will get you absolutely nowhere.

If you’ve explained your feelings clearly to him and he doesn’t make any reasonable changes to his behavior, you’ll know that he doesn’t care about your feelings all that much. You know what that means: run for the hills, and don’t look back.


  • “What you said the other day about my looks wasn’t nice, and it honestly hurt my feelings. Even if it wasn’t your intent, it made me feel like you were calling me ugly.”
  • “I feel like you’ve been really distant lately. Can you please be honest with me and let me know what’s going on?”

Which Games it Works On: It could potentially work for any of them.

Tell him up-front what he’s doing is wrong.

"If you've got a guy that you think doesn't realize what he's doing, or one who needs a strong dose of reality ASAP, tell him."

They say honesty is the best policy for a reason. If you’ve got a guy that you think doesn’t realize what he’s doing, or one who needs a strong dose of reality ASAP, tell him.

Again, you’ll need to make sure you remain calm and collected for this. Attacking him will have him throwing up his shields rather than opening up to you.

If you’re at a point where you don’t feel like keeping calm will be easy, take some time to collect yourself. Rest, read a book, watch a show, listen to music, go for a walk – whatever makes you feel better.


  • “It’s pretty rude to cancel dates/ignore texts/talk about me that way. Going forward, you should be honest with people.”
  • “You should open up about what you’re feeling. If you’re not clear about it, I don’t know how to respond.”

Which Games it Works Best On: While it could work on any of them, we think it would work best for common repeat offenders like ghosts and yo-yoing guys.

Let him go.

If you’ve already been honest with him, told him how you feel about it, or explained to him what he’s doing and how it affects you, it’s time to seriously consider bailing if he hasn’t made any changes.

You’ve put in your part, and he needs to do his. When he fails to meet you halfway, he’s showing you that you don’t matter enough to him.

Likewise, if he’s been ghosting you for awhile or dropping in and out of your life, it might be wise to just let him go. Ghosting someone isn’t always easy to turn around, and sometimes it’s not even worth the effort.

Which games it works best on: Possibly all of them, but especially ghosting.

Draw Him in Without Any of the Games

At the end of the day, guys usually play games when they’re not sure they’re interested in you. When he’s really in love with you, he’ll want to cut the games to win you over.

Since texting is such a huge part of our daily lives, an equally huge part of winning him over will be through text. If you don’t know how to carry out a conversation or text him in a way that hooks him (mind, heart, and body), then there’s a chance he just won’t be into you.

Not everyone is good at texting, though, and surprisingly, that’s fine. You can get better.

The best way to improve yourself is by getting advice from experts. We personally go to relationship coach Amy North with her brilliant Text Chemistry course.

It was created to help women anywhere text guys in a way that’s irresistible. She provides templates for you to use that will drive him wild for you.

Want to know more? You can click hear to get more information on her course.

Jenny Muscolo
Jenny Muscolo

My name is Jenny and I love helping people with their relationships. I got my Masters in human sexuality at Northwestern University, and love what I do.

I believe a few simple tips can help you massively improve your communication skills with your partners, which leads to better interactions. Thanks for visiting!