You’re getting ready for a date with the guy of your dreams, when your phone suddenly goes off.
When you check it, you see a message on the screen from him. He’s canceled your date.
We know. It’s heartbreaking and disappointing when plans we’re excited for fall through for any reason.
This is extra true for dates, because you look your best and psych yourself up for them. When he bails on you for any reason (even perfectly valid emergencies), he seems like a royal jerk.
So what should you say in response to him? Should you shoot off a harsh critique, or should you ignore him?
Absolutely not! We’ll walk you through what to actually say.
But First, Step Back and Cool Off
If you were feeling a strong connection to him, you’re probably reeling from the sting of the date being called off immediately after his text.
This is not the frame of mind you should be in when you reply to him. Without some care, you’ll end up losing your cool and sending him a furious text that scares him off.
Even if you’ve decided you don’t want to see him after this, you’re worth more than the few minutes of satisfaction you’ll get from lashing out at him. Before you answer him, take a couple minutes to compose yourself.
Get yourself a drink, step outside for a quick breath of fresh air, or send a text venting to a friend first. This will help you blow off a little of that super-heated steam.
Resist the Temptation to do These Things
Once you’re feeling a bit more level-headed, you’re ready to answer him.
As you respond to him, keep in mind that there are some things you should avoid doing regardless of how tempting they are.
Here are the things you should absolutely not do:
Angrily rant at him.
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While it’s perfectly okay to let him know you’re feeling disappointed (maybe even completely ticked off), you want to try to keep your messages as calm as you can.
Getting angry will both waste your energy and make him defensive. And if he’s feeling attacked, he won’t listen to what you have to say – he’ll focus on putting up those shields around himself.
Also, if he had a perfectly valid reason for taking a raincheck on the date, like a medical emergency, you’re going to be the person who comes out of this looking like a prick – not him.
It might make you feel better in the short term to call him names, sharply criticize him, or curse at him, but that rush of adrenaline that you get from the confrontation isn’t going to last you long.
And when it’s done, you’ll be left feeling ashamed more than anything else. If he had a good cause for canceling on you, those feelings will be much, much worse.
Plus, if there was any potential for a relationship here, you’ve just turned him off (probably for good) by blowing up on him.
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Make him jealous.
Another thing to avoid like it’s a trap: attempting to make him jealous. Don’t tell him you’ve got another date lined up or that you’ll have a great time without him.
That’s petty, and you’re better than petty. Feel free to tell him that you’ll have other plans, but make sure it’s short and sweet.
Leave out the details and let him wonder about what you’re up to. It’s his loss.
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What to Text a Guy After He Cancels a Date
If he had a valid reason for canceling, be understanding.
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Like it or not, emergencies do happen. If he’s had some kind of emergency, like a medical or urgent family situation, acknowledging that this was beyond his control shows him that you’re a reasonable woman.
He’ll be irresistibly drawn to your maturity and the confidence you radiate will be sweet as honey to him.
This is also, believe it or not, a great opportunity for you. You’ll be able to show him you don’t necessarily need him for a good time – make plans to go out and do something else instead of the date.
And if you’re interested in rescheduling, don’t try and reschedule the date ASAP. Allow some time in between your canceled date and the reschedule, even if you’ve got nothing going on.
Because you’ll be giving yourself the appearance of busyness. He’ll feel as if he needs to really earn and appreciate every moment you spend with him.
Example: “Hey, I totally understand. Thanks for letting me know. I’ve got some stuff going on the rest of the week, but I’ve got time this weekend if you want to hang out then.”
You deserve an explanation if he didn’t give you any reason at all, so ask him for one.
Did he just send you a text saying he needs to take a raincheck on the date without any explanation?
You’re right to feel irritated by that. Dates take time to plan, and we women often spend hours preparing for them.
This kind of effort shouldn’t be wasted over nothing. If all he’s sent you is a cryptic text about having to bail, you’re in the right by asking him what’s up.
It’s possible something bad happened to him, and you can take this time to show you care and confirm that he’s okay. Don’t be demanding, though – he’ll be more inclined to be up-front with you if you lure him in sweetly.
Example: “I totally get it! Can you at least tell me what’s going on, though? Is everything okay?”
If you want to prevent him from ever wanting to cancel plans with you again, we can’t recommend Amy North’s Text Chemistry Course enough. Her tips will help you unlock a desire in him like no other.
Is there a pattern of him flaking out on you?
Further Reading: What to Text a Guy to Catch His Attention (Without Seeming Clingy)
What do you do if this isn’t the first time he’s ditched you on a date night?
First off, you need to think about if you want to attempt to reschedule the date or let him go at this point. A pattern of him flaking out is never a good sign.
Continuing to be completely forgiving every time will show him he can walk all over you and take your patience for granted. You’re not a door mat.
Be a little assertive here because you deserve to be treated well, but don’t waste your energy on him insulting him or trying to make him feel bad. Carefully word your message to let him know he disappointed you without starting to “yell” in text.
Again, keep it short and sweet. Word it really well, and he’ll feel more inclined to apologize to you and maybe even see the error of his ways.
- “I appreciate the notice. Take care!” (Use this type of text if you don’t want to try and see him again. Note that it doesn’t attempt to make any future plans with him, but doesn’t come across as bitter, either.)
- “I understand things come up, but it’s a little hurtful when plans are canceled more than once. Let me know further in advance so I have time to make other plans, too.”
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Need Help Reeling The One In?
When you put yourself out there in the dating world, it’s honestly super intimidating. This is particularly true when it comes to texting, because it’s too easy to read too much (or too little) into everything a guy says.
We need all the help we can get sometimes. It’s okay if you’re in the same boat, too.
Amy North’s Text Chemistry program is great for helping women of all experience levels in dating. She’s an experienced relationship coach with the knowledge to help you steer through any relationship.