You’ve broken up with your boyfriend, giving him the title “ex.”
Everything and everyone else in the world is telling you to move on. But despite the tremendous pressure to let him go, you want to keep talking to him.
There are tons of reasons why you might want this. Maybe you miss the conversations you had, maybe you think you could be friends, maybe you have a child together, or maybe you can even see you two getting back together.
Regardless of your reasons, you’re texting him now, and you have no idea what to say.
If any of this sounds like you, then you’ve found the right page. We’ll be examining what to talk about with your ex-boyfriend over text, as well as answering other related questions.
Scroll on down the page, and we’ll dive into it for you.
Answer These Questions for Yourself
There’s a reason most people will tell you to just let your ex go: many relationships end messily. As a result, clinging to your ex can be unhealthy.
But it is possible to keep talking to your ex in a completely healthy way. Before you try, though, it’s incredibly important to examine yourself and answer questions like these:
Should you be texting him in the first place?
We know – it seems like we’re countering our previous point that you can keep talking to your ex by asking this. But believe us when we say this is a vital question to ask yourself, because the answer isn’t always yes.
So, should you be texting him in the first place?
That depends. If the relationship was toxic and unhealthy, the breakup was messy, you’re just not comfortable, or one (maybe even both) of you can’t move on, the answer to that question is no.
But if you’re circling the possibility of restarting your relationship, building a friendship from the wreckage, or you need to talk to him because of a child you have together, then there’s plenty of reason to keep texting him.
Related Article: Why is My Ex-Boyfriend Blocking and Unblocking Me?
What is the relationship between you and your ex like?
Once you’ve determined that you should be talking to him, it’s time to look at how you’ll be talking to him. This comes from what the current state of your relationship is.
Right after the breakup, when you’re both at your most sensitive point, you might want to stay far away from any romantic topics. Don’t flirt or play any mind games here.
If you’ve decided to try and stay friends, then be sensitive to his feelings. Maybe avoid discussing your love lives for some time, so you can both heal.
Alternatively, if you’re working your way back up to dating each other again, take it slow. Your conversations should dig into what will change or what boundaries will help ensure your relationship survives the second time around.
You Might Also Like: What to Text Your Ex-Boyfriend to Make Him Jealous (Without Being Toxic)
What, if anything, are you expecting from these texts?
Here’s another way to phrase this question: what’s your motivation for texting your ex-boyfriend?
Try and be brutally honest with yourself. Giving yourself a clear answer will tell you everything you need to know about what your texting strategy will be like going forward.
Are you hoping to make him jealous? Are you nurturing a tiny spark of hope that you’ll fall in love all over again?
Or, are your motivations completely unromantic, like trying to win him over as a friend?
Once you’ve figured out what you’re looking for from these conversations, you’ll have an idea of how to keep talking to him.
What to Talk About with Your Ex-Boyfriend Over Text
Breakup topics that didn’t get covered during the breakup.
We’ve all been there before: we’ve been caught up in an intense discussion, and we think of something important to say. We wait for an opening to say it, only for the right conversational moment to pass.
So we make a note to bring it up at a better time, and then we just forget about it.
Breakup talks are the same way. Since you get so heated, you probably leave the discussion without bringing up everything that matters to you.
Well, texting can be the time you need to bring up the things you weren’t able to cover before. We think it’s perfectly acceptable, especially if you’re not likely to see your ex again anytime soon or you don’t feel comfortable talking to him about it in person.
We do agree that it is better to have these types of meaningful discussions face-to-face or at least over the phone, but that isn’t always possible.
Recommended Article: What to Text Your Ex-Boyfriend on His Birthday (And If You Should)
Future discussions or meetups.
In the event you both are open to it, meeting again in person could be something for you to talk about.
Many discussions are best had when you are face-to-face. Much of our communication is done through body language and tone, and all of this is lost in text.
When you talk about meeting up again, you don’t need to frame it in such a way that it’s supposed to be romantic.
Meeting for a quick lunch or cup of coffee are two things that are safely neutral. You can do them regardless of whether or not you hope to rebuild your relationship.
Want to read our ultimate guide for texting guys? Click here.
Starting with small conversational topics like how you’re both doing sounds boring. But if you’re not sure where else to begin, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t do it.
Asking him “how are you feeling” or “what are you up to” is a fantastically easy way to get a discussion started.
It’s something he’ll likely feel comfortable talking about, and because it’s a question, the odds are greater he’ll respond. As the conversation starts to flow more naturally, you’ll be able to move onto whichever topics you’d like.
There’s no reason to be embarrassed about sticking to the basics until you know more about his mindset.
Reminisce about your relationship highlights.
We should start with a disclaimer here: this could be fun under the right circumstances...but if either of you is still deep in your grief over the end of the relationship, then you might want to avoid this approach. You might need to wait a little longer to heal before talking about the things you miss together.
But if you both feel like you’re in a better place mentally and emotionally, it can be healthy to discuss the positive memories you share. Talking can be therapeutic and healing, so taking that textual walk down memory lane with him can have the same effect.
This can also be a great strategy when you’re interested in getting back together with him. By talking about the high points of your relationship, you can make him see what he’s missing.
Stirring up the flames of passion you used to have by text can be incredibly difficult…but not impossible. Amy North, a well-known relationship expert, has actually created an entire program designed to help you boost your texting game.
It’s called Text Chemistry, and thousands of women have used it to win the hearts of men all over the world.
Learn from your mistakes together.
Again, this is a topic to avoid if you’re still both tender over the breakup. However, further down the road, if you’re both on good terms, you would be wise to look at what went wrong.
This is crucial in the event you’re looking to get back together. You’ll want to know exactly why the breakup happened in the first place so it doesn’t happen a second time.
Even if you’re not planning a reunion, you can use this knowledge to mature for future relationships.
You might not have realized that something you did was wrong, and talking about it will ensure you’re conscious of it. That is always the first step to getting better.
Maybe he'll even ask you for your opinions. Then you can use this time to be clear with him about what he did wrong.
Asking for feedback is a common practice after failed job interviews, and we think it’s something that should happen more often in our personal relationships, too. We could use the feedback to learn and grow as people together.
The future of your relationship with each other.
No, this doesn’t have to mean a discussion of the possibility of you getting back together…but it can be, if that feels right to both of you. However, we look at it as a broader topic.
If you haven’t discussed it already, it’s pretty important for you to figure out what part you’ll have in each other’s lives going forward.
It could be something as simple as you telling him you’re not comfortable having him in your life, or that you need space. Or it could be something more difficult, like asking him to continue being your friend going forward.
And yes, you could also ask him about the chances of getting together again, although that will need to be approached more gradually – you usually can’t expect it to happen overnight, at least not healthily.
Set your boundaries.
Assuming you decide you both want to continue to be a part of each other’s lives, another important thing to figure out is what kind of boundaries that will entail.
Is there zero chance of you ever getting back together? Do you want to ensure he doesn’t date anyone else in your social circle, and vice versa?
Now is the time to talk about what would make both of you most comfortable.
Boundaries are necessary in all kinds of relationships, including romantic, platonic, familial, and professional. The boundaries you had while you were together are almost guaranteed to be different from the ones you’d feel best with after breaking up.
You’ll need to talk about them so you both understand how to navigate this new life apart from (but still in contact with) each other.
Your shared interests.
There were a number of factors that led to you dating in the beginning, but we’d be willing to bet that at least one of them was that you had things in common. Sports, reading, shows, music, fitness, art, and video games are just a tiny sample of the hobbies and lifestyle choices you might share.
If you’re still talking to each other after the breakup and you’d like to continue talking, these interests you have in common are an awesome starting point.
For instance, if you’re both into the same team in a particular sport, talk to him about the latest game. Check on what he thinks about the latest album to come out from an artist you both like.
These are safe and easy things to talk about that don’t necessarily need the nuances of face-to-face communication to be more effective. Plus, it will remind you of one of the things you like about each other, making future conversations effortless.
Further Reading: What to Text Your Ex-Boyfriend to Make Him Want You Back
Want to Stop Him From Becoming Your Ex in the First Place?
Related Article: How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back Over Text (In 3 Simple Steps)
Believe it or not, there are things you can do by text to stop the breakup from happening to begin with…or even to get him running back into your arms after.
Not sure where to begin? No worries – you’re not alone.
We’d like to think we know a thing or two about dating, but even we look to experts like Amy North when we’re confused. She’s a relationship coach with an excellent reputation for helping out women in all stages of dating, from casual talking to post-breakup negotiations.
Her Text Chemistry course is perfect for digging into texting methods you can use to keep a relationship strong or build a new one.