It’s the day after you’ve “done the deed” with a guy.
You can’t quite get him out of your head. You’ve got your phone, a device that lets you communicate anything you want to anyone in the world, and yet you just can’t think of what to say.
Drafts are quickly getting typed out, stared at, and then deleted by you. None of them seem quite right, and you’re starting to panic just a tiny bit.
Relax. Take a breath, because we’ve got your back.
We’ve done some of the thinking about what to text a guy after hooking up. We’ll dish all the details for you.
But first, let’s take a look at you and your situation specifically.
Before You Read...
This one special text message that uses psychology to make a guy relentlessly obsess over you - especially after a hook up...
Determine What You’re Looking For First
Before you go any further and actually text the man, stop and think about what you want out of this. How you proceed hinges on what you’re looking for.
There are three main outcomes you can get from this:
- A relationship
- Some more casual hookup fun
- Nothing more
What to keep in mind when you’re looking for a relationship with him:
The approach you take when you’ve got romance in mind will be quite different from the one you’d take when all you want is some more sexy fun.
In many ways, it means you need to be more careful. You want to get a little deeper than just talking sex, but you also don’t want to get too deep at the risk of seeming clingy.
Keep it light, fun, and flirty. Although a little hotter texting is fine, try not to focus only on the sexual aspects, because you also want to build up an emotional connection with him.
Related Article: 15+ Things to Text a Guy After a First Date
What to keep in mind when you’re looking for another fun hookup:
Maybe the sex was great, but you don’t want anything more except the possibility of future hookups. We hear you there – women have needs, too, and sometimes sex is just that – sex.
That being said, continuing to hook up with the same person can get a little dangerous when it comes to feelings. You might not be able to stop him or yourself from catching them.
So keep romantic talk to a minimum. Feel free to pump up the spice factor and send him texts that will leave him itching to spend another night with you.
But be honest, too. Let him know you just want a little fun, and he’ll most likely be more than happy to oblige you.
What to keep in mind when you don’t want anything else from him:
What if the sex and the chemistry were so terrible, you don’t even really want to see him again?
Or what if he was your friend before, things got out of hand, you hooked up, and you realize now you don’t want to ruin your friendship?
We get it. Things happen.
The key here is good, clear communication. You obviously don’t want to send him flirty or sexy messages, nor do you want to send him messages that could give him false hope.
You Might Also Like: 20 Things to Text a Guy at Night
What to Text a Guy After Hooking Up
Want a repeat performance? Get straight to the point and ask him for another round.
When you’re feeling confident because you rocked his world and he definitely rocked yours, you don’t need to hold back.
There’s nothing quite like a confident and bold woman making the next move. Just ask him for more, and watch him hurry to satisfy you…again and again.
- “I had a lot of fun last night. 😉 Ready for an encore yet?”
- “You. Me. My bed. Soon?”
- “Wanna come over tonight?”
When it works: It’s best for when you just want some more fun, no-strings-attached time together.
Tease him a little bit.
Okay, maybe you’re not feeling super confident, or you’re not sure where his mind is at.
But there’s one thing you do know: that you want to do it again. There is a way to check if the feeling is mutual while hyping him up at the same time.
How? Shoot him some texts that tease him just a bit without coming right out and saying it.
He’ll be tantalized by the possibilities. If there was any uncertainty, you’ll know for sure when he takes the bait.
- “I can’t stop thinking about what you did last night. It’s giving me all kinds of crazy ideas…”
- “I’ve been daydreaming about you all day.”
When it works: For when you want another hookup…or two…or three. Maybe more.
There is one special text message will make a guy crave to the point of obsession...
Wait to see if he texts you first.
If you’re feeling really uncertain, there’s an easy, low-risk strategy: you can just wait for him to text first.
There are advantages and disadvantages to this option. The good: it keeps you from overwhelming him, makes you look cool, and could convince him he needs to chase you.
Now here’s the bad: he might assume you’re not interested, and not text you first. If this route sounds appealing to you, anyway, and you’re worried you might not hear from him again, we suggest waiting for a day or two, and then taking the initiative by texting him if he still hasn’t reached out to you.
Read Next: What to to a Text a Guy You Like
When it works: You could use this option for either another hookup or potentially a relationship.
Send him something light and flirty.
Want to build a relationship with him post-hookup, but don’t want to come across as desperate? This is probably one of your best options.
Send him a text that’s light-hearted with just a hint of flirty. Don’t make it overly sexual, which shows him the physical isn’t all you’re interested in.
Of course, this could work if you’re looking for more hookups, too. There isn’t any reason you couldn’t have conversations with someone you’re hooking up with, but it does have the potential to send the wrong message.
- “Just wanted to let you know I had an amazing time with you. I can’t get your handsome face out of my mind.”
When it works: It’s best for the relationship approach, but could be okay for just hookups.
If you need some more flirty examples that will have him falling head over heels, we recommend checking out Amy North’s Text Chemistry course. Using brilliant psychological strategies, she demonstrates just what to say to get his heart on lockdown.
Compliment him on his technique (or anything else related to the hookup).
Another option to get him fantasizing about you (no matter where he is or what he’s doing) is to inflate his ego just a bit.
Did he do anything that you’d love for him to do again? Compliment whatever it was he did, and he’ll be sure to want to do it over and over again – especially if it’s working on you.
And, hey, a little direction never hurts.
- ”I loved when you did *description* last night. It drove me wild.”
- “I can’t stop thinking about when you *description.* I’d love it if you’d do it to me again… ; )”
- “Where did you learn to do that?? That was amazing!”
When it works: Great for casual hookups.
If you felt a real connection, tell him.
Anyone telling you to be open about your feelings will probably make you roll your eyes. You’ve likely heard it before.
But one of the most important things in any relationship (especially romantic ones!) is communication. So if you felt sparks like crazy, believe us when we say you should tell him.
However, don’t go over the top. This isn’t the time to confess love to him – try to tone it down while still getting your feelings across.
- “I haven’t been able to get you out of my head all day. I’m surprised at how much I’ve been missing you!”
- “So were those fireworks between us last night, or just my neighbors lighting some next door again?”
When it works: This is best if what you’re aiming for is a relationship.
Or if you enjoyed the hookup, but only want future hookups from it and nothing serious – tell him that, too!
What if you want to keep the casual fun going for a length of time?
Then you can tell him your feelings in this regard, too. Except this time, you’d be clearly communicating that it’s all you’re looking for.
This helps signal to him that you don’t want a relationship out of it. That way, the fun can continue with a minimized risk of feelings developing.
- “Last night was great! If you don’t mind keeping it casual, I’d love to do it again.”
- “I’m not looking for a relationship right now, but if you’re okay with that, I definitely want to keep this going…”
When it works: Use this if you’re looking for a casual fling and nothing else.
Send him a selfie.
You know what they say: a picture is worth a thousand words.
Imagine just how much a selfie can get across. The options are limitless here.
If what you want is to get him craving your body, send him a sexy selfie. All the better if you find time throughout your day to do it, because it tells him you can hardly control yourself waiting for him.
But on the other end of the spectrum, maybe you want him to see your face and smile. You might want him to miss everything about you, and not just what you can do to him.
In that case, send him a cute selfie. Send him something with a smile or something that shows your personality.
- A sultry picture of you in your lingerie.
- A selfie of you with your pet or your smiling face.
When it works: It could work for either more hookups or a relationship, depending on the kind of selfie you send him.
Casually check up on him.
If you’re not sure which approach to take but you don’t want to wait for him to text first, this is the choice for you.
Send him a casual checkup message. This will help you gauge the situation, and it has the benefit of keeping you from looking clingy.
His response will give you clues on how to go from there.
- “Hey, how’s your day going?”
- “What are you up to?”
When it works: You could use it for both figuring out if he’s open to more hookups or the possibility of dating.
Let him down gently.
So what exactly do you do when you don’t want see him again?
If the connection was just completely lacking and you don’t want to continue, you’ll need to be open with him about it. Write him a message letting him know as kindly as possible.
No need to wax on and on about it in an attempt to soften it, and no need to apologize. Sometimes you just don’t feel a connection, and there’s no reason for you to feel guilty about it.
- “I appreciate you spending time with me the other night. But I just didn’t feel the spark.”
When it works: For when you’re not interested in pursuing anything further.
Make plans for a date.
What if you want to do the exact opposite of rejecting him? What if you really felt the chemistry, and you know he did, too?
Well, then there’s no reason you shouldn’t take the first step. Even if he’s developing feelings for you, he won’t always take the initiative because he might be nervous, too.
So if he’s indicated clearly enough to you that he really likes you and the feeling is mutual, go for it! Start making plans for a date with him.
In the event he’s too nervous to take the leap first, you’ll be lifting a huge weight off his shoulders and really impressing him.
- “Want to go see this new movie with me this weekend?”
- “I’ve been dying to try this restaurant. Wanna come with me?”
- “I have two tickets to the show this weekend, and the second one as your name on it.”
When it works: Best for when you’re looking for an actual relationship
Make him really laugh out loud.
Make a list of the things you want in your perfect man. We’re willing to bet one of the top things on your list is something like, “has a good sense of humor.”
Are we right? Anyway, the point is that humor is desirable trait in any romantic partner, both in casual flings and serious relationships.
Show him your sense of humor by texting him a funny meme, gif, or joke that makes you think of him. This helps keep the mood light, refreshing, and entertaining for all parties involved.
- For the awkward, laid-back humor: “So…how about that weather, huh? Lol”
- Any funny meme or gif that reminds you of him
When it works: Could potentially work well for either relationships or future hookups.
Let him know he’s on your mind.
Telling him you’re thinking of him in so many ways is adorable and is bound to make him smile…provided you don’t go overkill here.
Send him something quick, simple, and cute. Don’t worry about overcomplicating it or spending too much time on it.
- “I heard this song that reminded me of you today.” –Follow it up with a link to the song.
- “This is definitely you!” –Include a meme or picture that makes you think of him.
- “I saw this online today, and thought you’d be interested.” –With a link to an article relating to one of his interests.
When it works: It works better for when you’re hoping for a relationship.
Go with the flow.
Perhaps you don’t even have to worry about what to text him first, because he took the plunge and sent you a message himself.
That’s great news! It also makes things so much easier for you.
If he’s texted you first, let him set the mood. Follow the topics he guides you to, because it will tell you where his head is at and lets you know what he’s thinking about.
- “Hey, I’m so happy to hear from you!”
- Questions and answers in response to whatever he asks you, such as if he asks how you’re doing.
When it works: Works potentially for both casual settings and relationships
Tell him you just want to stay friends.
Here’s one of the hardest situations to get yourself into.
Maybe you were good friends before the hookup happened. Perhaps things just kind of spun out of control over the course of the night, and next thing you knew, you ended up in bed together.
First off: it’s okay. You don’t have to want anything more from it, and it doesn’t necessarily mean your friendship is ruined.
It can be hard to go back to what it was before, but that’s no reason you shouldn’t try. That’s especially true if the friendship is what’s most important to you.
Write him an honest and heartfelt text. Explain to him what’s going on in your head and keep calm.
- “I need to be honest with you. I loved spending time with you last night, but I value our friendship more and would like to keep it that way.”
- “Thank you for last night. But I’m not sure I’m ready to move our relationship in that direction, and I’d like it more if we could stay friends.”
When it works: Use this if you don’t want romance or any more hookups from him, but you do want to continue seeing him platonically.
Need a little more guidance?
Related Article: Here's What to Text a Guy Back When He Says Hey
We hear you. Navigating romance through texting can be hard with a capital H.
The good news is, there’s extra help out there. We strongly recommend the Text Chemistry Course.
It’s created by a relationship expert named Amy North. Her methods are tried and true, and if what you want is to have a guy hanging on your every word, she’ll get you there.
Alternatively, check out our guide on conversational topics to text a guy about.
Don't Leave Without This
There's one text message that men absolutely cannot resist...