Have you had a guy ghost you after six months and wondered what went wrong. If you have then you have come to the right place.
We have investigated and in this article, we present the top 11 reasons why guys ghost a lady after a relationship has already been established. We will also look at some steps that you can take to prevent it from happening to you (again) and answer a couple of related questions.
Why Guys Ghost After 6 Months
There are many reasons that a guy might ghost after 6 or more months in a relationship. In fact, entire books have been written on the subject. In the interest of brevity, we offer the eleven that are most commonly behind them ghosting.
1. You are on different timelines.
Some people are ready to rush to the chapel a few weeks after they feel they have found their perfect match. Other people like to move more slowly and five or more years of dating are no big deal. They have different priorities.
When one of you is dragging your feet and the other wants to go full steam ahead it can create a lot of stress. Whether you are the one on the fast track or he is, it doesn’t really matter.
He may feel you are not that serious because you want to move slowly or he may feel pressured due to you pushing for a serious commitment. In the first case, he may have left to find someone more serious and in the second he may have ghosted and run for the hills.
2. He feels like he doesn’t have enough space.
Again, this is about a clash of styles. It is normal in the first few months of a relationship for people to want to spend as much time together as possible. The problem arises when the new starts to wear off.
This tends to happen for men faster than for women who normally crave more personal attention. If the guy is starting to want to watch the game with guys instead of going out to dinner or playing pickup ball instead of watching a movie, he is just being himself.
Give him a hard time about doing the things he enjoys and you might want to get ready to be solo. For long-term relationships to survive they require everyone to give a little and allow the other person to have a life independent of you as a couple.
3. Your roles have gotten muddled.
If you are a huge fan of PC culture this might not sit well with you, but the truth is there are masculine and feminine roles in every relationship. Just as in dancing someone must lead and someone must follow. There are no equal partnerships.
Now, these roles can be swapped, depending on situations and that is not an issue. Problems arise when one partner tries to usurp authority in the other’s kingdom. When roles start to become confused a man can feel confused and uncomfortable and if it gets bad enough he may just bolt and run.
4. The fire has died and he can’t face you.
Sadly, sometimes people lose interest after the blaze of a new romance starts to cool. Even worse, there are some men who are so ill-equipped for confrontations that they would rather ghost than stand up and be honest with someone.
For them, their fear of facing an uncomfortable situation turns them into complete cowards who run for the hills without a thought of how this might affect the lady’s life.
5. The Infatuation stage has ended.
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This is closely related to the above section. Most of us have been infatuated with someone. Whether it was a primary school crush or a high school first love, we were head over heels but once we got to know them they simply weren’t what we had envisioned. This can be hard to accept and it is amazing how hard we can work trying to make them fit our dreams.
After a while, it just has to be accepted that we messed up and admit it was all just fantasy. This can be embarrassing, and demoralizing. If your guy fell in love with your eyes or your smile and then realized you are just not what he was looking for, he may ghost.
6. He feels pressured.
It can be hard to live by someone else’s timeline. Even worse is someone trying to make you into something you’re not. If you have hooked up with a cowboy and you are trying to make him into a socialite. or a bookworm you want to become a lumberjack, odds are you will fail. Even worse you will be putting pressure on them to be something there not. No one wants to be pressured. Whether it is moving faster or slower than they are comfortable with or being something new.
If you put pressure on someone to do or be something different from what they are, they may ghost. It doesn’t matter if it is a spendthrift or a lover of foreign films. The pressure will make them run for the hills.
7. He’s not ready to settle down.
The honest truth is many guys simply aren’t ready to completely commit to a relationship. He could still enjoy playing the field. It could be he is terrified by how strongly he feels about you. It happens and these are the guys who usually come crawling back.
The point is if he isn’t ready to commit and being with you takes him into uncharted territory he might ghost you. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Some guys aren’t ready to grow up yet.
8. They don’t want to hurt you.
It may sound crazy but many guys honestly believe they are sparring your feelings by ghosting. Maybe they have played big breakup scenes in the past. It could be they are just mental. Either way, they think avoiding the emotional blowup is being nice.
Guys don’t really understand the idea of closure. To them, it is kinder to fade away than to make you cry. They don’t understand that you need that finale scene to end that chapter of your life and move on. To them, it is just turning the page. So, instead of providing closure, they ghost.
9. You’re a victim of revenge ghosting.
Small people like to strike back at people that hurt them. If that person isn’t available they will settle for the next best thing. Not just guys but people, in general, can be vindictive. A guy may have been ghosted in the past and been looking for revenge. They will look for an excuse to do the same to someone else.
When someone like this ghosts you, thank your lucky stars. People with this type of personality are toxic. They would end up making your life hell in one way or another and you are much better off without them. better a little pain now than a lot later.
10. Time just slipped away.
Sometimes guys don’t mean to ghost a woman but it just kind of happens. He gets busy at work and doesn’t have time to text back. Then he has a flat when he left the office and forgets to return your message till it is too late to call. The next morning his dog is sick so he has to rush to the vet. At the vet, he runs into an old friend and they go out to lunch to catch up. You get the picture.
By the time his life settles down a few days have passed and he doesn’t know what to say. He may figure you have already given up on him or is too embarrassed to get back in touch with you.
11. He was trash from the beginning.
Sadly, there are people in the world that can only be described as garbage. They get off on using and abusing other people. To them, it is just a game they play. They’ll string along a lady or three making them think life is grand and then toss them to the curb when they get bored.
If it is any solace, these are the people who end up old and alone wondering why no one likes them anymore. You can only burn so many bridges before word gets out and the river dries up.
How to Stop Guys From Ghosting After 6 Months
You can only be responsible for your own behavior. So, there is no way you can completely eliminate the possibility of getting ghosted. That said, here are a few proactive steps you can take to limit the possibility.
Don’t over-invest too soon.
Many people go into a new relationship like it is the last chance they will ever have to find love. They become totally committed to a relationship that doesn’t actually exist yet. This isn’t a good idea.
A much better approach is to give what you are getting. If the guy wants to see you every day, great. maybe you found your perfect match. If he is happy to have dinner with you once or twice a week, you can settle for that or be prepared to lose him.
Any broker will tell you you should never over-invest in anything that hasn’t proven itself and established a golden track record. This applies to people as much as it does to companies.
You may feel that six months is already a big investment but some people date for years.
Let him know it is OK to express himself.
This one can be kind of tricky. An old adage goes, “women talk, men do”. Most men won’t often want to sit down and talk about how they feel or the relationship in general. They are built that way and hate the idea of the inevitable drama that comes after “we need to talk.”
Gently let him know you are interested in what he is feeling but don’t push. Odds are he will eventually open up once he knows he won’t be judged or condemned for his views and emotions. Remember, as individuals, we are all intituled to our own opinions and views.
Just because they don’t make sense to you doesn’t make them wrong. Start preaching and you can kiss him goodbye. The longer you have been together the tougher this can be as you BOTH have more to lose.
Remember it takes two to tango.
A relationship is a two-way street. It can’t be built by one person alone. If you sense you are suddenly doing all the heavy lifting, it is not a good sign.
This is a good time to employ the strategy we just talked about. Maybe he is feeling cramped or pushed. It could be your guy just has a lot on his mind. Remember a relationship should be a refugee for both parties involved. It isn’t about you or him. As a couple you are a we and both parties have to feel supported.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to know if a guy won’t ghost you again?
Unless you are in a toxic relationship, it is unusual for a guy to ghost a lady a second time. Most of the time if a guy comes back after his first disappearance it is because he realized he wanted and needed you in his life.
The fact that he had the guts to come back and face you shows he is serious. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have risked the possible rejection of you blowing him off.
Other signs you can look for are:
- Him putting your feelings first
- Going out of his way to make you feel special
- Him being more affectionate and caring
- The guy makes every effort to earn back your trust
- He wants to make your relationship official
Is it ghosting if it’s early on?
Opinions vary widely on this subject but the majority of people don’t consider it ghosting if you have just met or only had one or two dates. Of course, if those first meetings involved sex it can be a little more complicated.
Honestly, though, until expectations have started to develop, you can’t call it ghosting. It takes a little time to even start to get a sense of whether you are compatible with someone. If you go out once or twice and realize your just not feeling it, the best thing to do is to move on.
After six months it is definitely ghosting.