If you’re reading this, you’ve probably looked up “reasons why my ex boyfriend ignores me completely”. If you’re having trouble understanding this kind of behavior from him, don’t worry: we’ve got you. There are several reasons for this kind of behavior, so read on to see if any of the 10 reasons listed below ring true for you.
“I Need to Know Why My Ex Boyfriend Ignores Me Completely!”
Oh honey. Okay.
Dealing with an ex boyfriend is never easy. Even when and if the two of you get along really well, and stay good friends, there will always be an emotional undercurrent there. Have you two have been talking and he’s suddenly disappeared? Or are you trying to get hold of him and he’s not responding?
Below are 10 of the most common reasons why your ex boyfriend is ignoring you.
1. He May Be Punishing You
Not everyone is emotionally mature enough to handle and process their emotions. If you’re the one who ended the relationship, your ex might be mad at you for hurting him.
He doesn’t like the negative emotions he’s feeling and blames you for making him feel that way. As a result, he’s “punishing” you the only way he can: by refusing to acknowledge that you exist. He probably feels a sense of empowerment by ignoring you when you reach out, and is hoping to hurt you the way you hurt him.
It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but is quite common with emotionally immature people.
2. He Could Be Trying to Elicit a Response from You
Again, if you’re Googling this, then his lack of communication is getting to you. That might be exactly what he’s going for, and if so, he’s certainly winning this small battle.
Few things are as effective as getting under someone else’s skin as going “no contact”. Think about how upset and irritated you are because you aren’t getting the response that you want. Then think of how satisfying it may be for him to know that he’s upset you.
Whether you’re a type A personality, or just someone who likes a measure of control and closure, not being able to reach a person you want to get through to will bother you a lot. If he knows how to push your buttons, and derives joy from flustering you, then that could be exactly what he’s doing.
It’s working, isn’t it?
3. He Might Be Really Busy (or Other Things are Going On with Him)
If you and your ex have been in regular communication and all of a sudden he’s gone quiet, it might not be about you at all.
People are often quick to assume that someone going radio silent means that they’re mad at them. In reality, all kinds of things can happen in others’ lives that have nothing to do with you.
Is one of his parents unwell? Did he get a new job (or lose one)? Is he working overtime? Training for a triathlon? Did he lose his phone? Was he hit by a car?
There are a million reasons why he’s gone silent that aren’t about you. Ask around his social circle to see what may be going on before jumping to conclusions and getting accusatory.
4. He’s Still Angry at You
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Did you do something to really upset him when you were together? For example, did the relationship end because you cheated? Or maybe you threw out or sold something that was really important to him? Was he so angry about something that he said he never wanted to see you or speak to you again?
If so, he might be ignoring you because he’s still be too angry to talk to you.
He might not want to communicate with you at all (ever ), or he’s trying to keep his emotions under control. Some men prefer to keep their emotions to themselves. They’ll stay silent when they’re really angry, and process their emotions when on their own terms.
If you think this is the case, respect his space. Trying to badger him into talking to you will just add fuel to the fire.
5. He’s Still Hurting
A lot of guys have difficulty expressing their emotions. Instead of explaining themselves when they’re feeling hurt, they just go silent. They clam up, turn their attention towards work or exercise or their hobbies, and tune everybody out.
If he’s hurting deeply because of how your relationship ended, he’s likely avoiding you because communication is just too difficult for him right now. Every time the two of you talk, he’s either reminded of your time together, or how much he misses you.
If there’s no chance of getting back together (such as you wanting to be friends, but not more than that), distance might be the easiest way for him to get over his emotions.
6. He’s Feeling Awkward or Embarrassed
Did something happen between you that made him feel embarrassed or emasculated somehow? For example, did he break things off after not being able to er… “rise to the occasion” in bed, or after getting really drunk and vomiting on one of your family members?
In a case like this, he could just be trying to get away from an experience that made him feel horribly awkward. He might still want to connect with you, but every time he does so, he’s triggered by the memories of what happened between you.
If he’s a sensitive sort, then it’s possible that he’s cut you out of his life so he doesn’t have to keep being reminded of that situation over and over again pretty much forever.
7. He Still Has Feelings for You
A lot of people run away from feelings when they don’t know how to process them.
Similar to how some men withdraw when they’re angry or hurting, they’ll also pull away if they know they love someone and can’t be with them.
Sure, you might care about him and want to keep him as a close friend. But if he still has romantic feelings for you, he might not be able to do that. He might still be attached to dreams about you two having a life together. As such, every time you talk, it might hurt him deeply that he can’t have that with you.
As a result, it’s much less painful for him to withdraw.
Multiply this by a thousand if you’re already seeing someone else. Maybe it hurts him too much to hear about you with another guy. Or maybe he wants the best for you and doesn’t want to interfere in your happiness. Either way, he probably feels that radio silence is the best option.
8. He’s Feeling Smothered
If you’ve been really enthusiastic about keeping in touch with him, you may have been paying more attention to him than he’s comfortable with.
Are you the one who ended the relationship? Then you might be over compensating for hurt feelings by texting or calling him too much. As a result, he’s withdrawn into his own world to work through whatever it is he’s thinking and feeling.
Alternatively, if he ended things but you still want to be friends, you may be forcing too much energy in his direction. Your approaches to stay in contact might be seen as needy or invasive.
Give him some space and don’t text or call him for a while. If he still wants to be in touch, he’ll reach out.
9. He Never Really Felt a Connection
What was he like when the two of you were together? Did he get really enthusiastic and excited about the two of you getting together regularly? Or was he polite and nice, but reserved?
If he’s the one who broke things off and he seems to be ignoring you, chances are that he didn’t feel a strong connection with you. The two of you may get along “well enough”, but not intensely enough to keep any kind of relationship going. Even a friendship.
Do you know the saying “people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime”? It could very well be that the short season you spent together has passed. You met when you needed to, had the connection that the two of you shared, and now that’s over.
We don’t have to hold onto every person who drifts in and out of our lives.
Consider all the friends and acquaintances you’ve had over the course of your life so far. Are you still best friends with the girl you were inseparable with in high school? What about the coworkers you loved when you worked together, but never spoke to again after they quit?
Just because you’ve been intimate with someone for a while doesn’t mean you need to keep them in your life forever. Consider the lyrics from the Stars song Your Ex Lover is Dead:
“I’m not sorry I met you. I’m not sorry it’s over. And I’m not sorry there’s nothing to say.”
10. He has Moved On and Isn’t Looking Back
This one may seem kind of harsh, but is also a distinct possibility.
If you and your ex have been in regular contact, and suddenly he’s dropped off the map (and you know he hasn’t died or moved to Guam), then he’s probably with someone else. He’s now putting all of his time and energy into this new person, and that’s absolutely okay.
Chances are you’re doing the same with a new guy in your life. In fact, you may have already done so, but still like to talk to your ex because you still care. Even just as friends.
The best thing you can do is move forward with your own life, and stop asking telling yourself “I need to know why my ex boyfriend ignores me completely!”
Exes are exes for a reason. Things didn’t work out with you two as a couple, but if you’re meant to stay friends long term, you’ll weave in and out of each others’ lives in the future.
Focus on your own life, and wish him all the best in his.
Time to move on.
My name is Jenny and I love helping people with their relationships. I believe a few simple tips can help people massively improve their communication skills with their partners and really express themselves. Thanks for visiting!