Let’s do a quick thought experiment.
Take yourself back to when you were a kid. Think about all the times your parents told you that you couldn’t do something.
Now, answer this question: did them telling you not to do something always keep you from doing it?
Or did you occasionally go ahead and do it, anyway?
You probably said that there were times you went against your parents’ orders. That’s because of a powerful psychological effect that many find hard to resist.
Can you use this same psychological effect to regain the love of an ex-boyfriend?
Here’s your answer: yes! If you’re wondering how to use reverse psychology to get your ex-boyfriend back, though, you’ll need to keep reading so we can show you.
What is Reverse Psychology?
To start this guide, we’ll need to define what exactly reverse psychology is. You got a little taste of it in the beginning, but we’ll give you some more details here.
Simply put, reverse psychology is when we want to do something we’re told not to. You see it a lot with children and teenagers.
Imagine a wall with a sign on it that says, “Don’t Touch – Wet Paint.” You have a sign there warning you not to touch it.
You may not even want to touch it at first. But now that you see something saying you can’t touch it, you’ll start to wonder if the paint is really wet.
Stare at it long enough, and you’ll start to want to test if it’s wet by touching it yourself. Give it some time, and we’d bet that there will be a couple handprints or fingerprints on the wall from other people thinking the same thing as you.
Now, why does this happen? Why don’t we just follow orders?
Related Article: How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend to Fall in Love With You Again
It all comes down to the core of reverse psychology, and a cornerstone of human nature:
We Want What We Can’t Have
Here’s a weird fact: things get more desirable when we can’t have or do them.
You might have plenty of pretty rocks in your driveway, for instance, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to wear them as jewelry. No, you’ll want something rare and especially beautiful for your necklace, such as an exquisite gemstone.
It doesn’t matter that these things are harder to get and you’ll need to put more effort into getting them. In fact, that’s part of the appeal.
Because getting that gemstone – or anything else you can’t get easily, for that matter – is a status symbol. It shows others that you were able to get something that was difficult or impossible.
Men are the same way. They want things they can’t have, even when it comes to love.
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How to Use Reverse Psychology to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back
Your mission: become the person that he can’t have.
The crown jewel of your strategy in getting your ex-boyfriend back will be becoming that rare gemstone, or that wall with the wet paint sign on it. (Okay, maybe not the second one…)
Remember, reverse psychology is all about wanting to do or get something that we usually can’t do or have. So as much as you miss your ex-boyfriend, you’re going to need to put your acting chops to good use here so he doesn’t think you want him.
At least, he needs to think that you don’t want him very much. He needs to think that you have better options and that he has competition, even if those things aren’t necessarily true.
How do you achieve this goal when all you want is to get back together?
Don’t worry, it’s not as complicated as it sounds. We’ll walk you through it.
Follow the no contact rule.
The first step to what we’ll jokingly call the Gemstone Strategy is by making yourself rare. If you’re readily available by text, on social media, or in person even, then he won’t need to work hard to get you.
He’ll take for granted that you’re already there.
That’s why we always suggest going through a no contact rule. You’ll turn yourself into a scarce gemstone by keeping yourself from talking to him for a set amount of time.
Our personal advice is to do this for at least a month. This will give him plenty of time to start missing you and getting curious about what you’re up to.
You won’t be spending your no contact period sitting around doing nothing, either. Although the first part might be dedicated to recovering, you’ll be doing the next part of your plan while you’re in the middle of your no contact period…
Focus on bettering yourself.
This is what we mean by working on phase two of your plan while you’re in the middle of no contact.
Instead of just sitting around, counting down the hours until you can talk to him again, you’ll start kicking butt. Not literally, of course, but at life in general.
Is there an activity you’ve always wanted to get into? What about a project that you’ve always pushed aside, because you didn’t have “enough time?”
Now’s the time to do it!
Really, the objective at this stage of the Gemstone Strategy is to boost your own confidence. You want to make yourself in the best version of yourself that you can be.
That will make the next step easier.
Talk to him, but don’t make it obvious you’re trying to get him back.
Most of the time, you can’t just sit back and wait for your ex-boyfriend to tumble into your arms. You’ll have to open the path of communication for him, so that he knows you’re willing to talk.
This is especially important after you’ve finished a no contact period. He’s spent all that time secretly expecting you to call, text, or message him online, and none of those things happened.
He might be thinking that you’re going to avoid him forever, so you need to set the record straight in that regard.
Yes, you’ll be reaching out to him again (probably by text), but you’re not going to make things easy for him. You’ll start by talking to him and engaging him so it’s not hard for him to answer you.
Ask him questions. Get a good conversation going with him.
But don’t let him think you’re at his beck and call. When you’re running out of things to say or if you feel him pulling away, text him that you have to go for now.
Then put down your phone and text him again at a later time.
Even when you still have things to talk about, don’t answer him the instant he texts you back. Make him wait, stewing in his own thoughts for a bit.
You can also look into the unique Text Chemistry program for more information on texting guys in a way that heightens their passion. In the program, relationship expert Amy North shares her patented texting secrets and templates that have been proven to make men infatuated.
Tease him a little.
Now to increase the stakes: as you get a conversation going back and forth between you, start flirting with him…but only a tiny bit.
Say flirtatious things here and there, like how you miss doing something with him. Remind him of one of the best dates you went on.
But don’t let the conversation drift into emotional talks just yet. Don’t use this opportunity to tell him how much you miss him and want him back.
If you see him in person, you’ll use a slightly similar strategy. You’ll want to wear an outfit that you feel stunning in, and you’ll want to mix in a bit of flirting without going over the top.
At the end of the meeting, check him out as you walk out or smile at him. You’ll definitely secure a spot in his mind.
Further Reading: Why is My Ex-Boyfriend Always in My Dreams? (Your Dreams Decoded)
Keep being your best self!
We might ask you for a bit of a drumroll here, because this is the main part of the whole reverse psychology plan…
You need to continue striving to be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. Work towards all those goals you’ve put off.
Even if your ex-boyfriend doesn’t come rushing to sweep you off your feet again, he’ll see you for the diamond that you are…or someone else will.
The thing is, we leave most breakups with a negative image of our exes. He’ll have this picture of you in his head that highlights all your flaws – it’s the easiest way for him to get over you more quickly.
But if you push yourself to overcome those flaws, he’ll see that the picture of you he’s maintaining isn’t accurate.
In fact, he’ll realize that you’re looking way better than the mental image he has of you. And that is the key to making reverse psychology work and the secret of this Gemstone Strategy.
The better you look, the more he’ll want you, and the more he’ll work to get you back. This will all come from him thinking that you don’t need him at all.
Related Article: Why is My Ex-Boyfriend Acting Like a Jerk?
How to Get a Better Understanding of Men’s Psychology Overall
Using reverse psychology is only one of the many things you can do to get your ex-boyfriend back. It’s definitely powerful, but by itself, it’s not a guarantee that he’ll want you again.
The best thing you can do is combine a bunch of different strategies. Bits and pieces of various tactics will likely work best, since no two men are exactly the same.
You can click here for our complete page on various ways to win your ex over. We have tons of guides that are suited for many breakup situations.
We’ll always advise doing more research, though. When we want more information, we love using programs like the Devotion System.
It was designed by Amy North, a romance expert who has experience helping women either snare a new man or get their exes back. You can click here to learn more about how it works.