Dating today is a lot more complicated than it used to be. It wasn’t that long ago that the only things you really had to worry about were things related to seeing each other in person, such as how you look and even smell.
Nowadays, though, you not only have to be worried about how you come across in person – you also need to be concerned about how you come across virtually. Whether it’s by DM on social media or by text messages, the way you portray yourself in text formats is becoming increasingly important.
This isn’t likely to go away, either. Technology is here to stay, so it’s important in today’s world that you know how to text a guy you like.
That’s why we’ve created this in-depth, detailed guide. We recommend checking it out even if you consider yourself a dating expert because it never hurts to go back to the basics occasionally.
Let’s dive right into it…
Before you read...
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Here’s What to Avoid When Texting a Guy
When it comes to love, the best battle strategies can be broken down into two huge categories: what you should do and what you shouldn’t do.
That’s right – what you don’t do is just as (if not sometimes even more) important than the things you actually do. Everyone has pet peeves, so it’s crucial to avoid triggering those irritations in the guy you’ve got your eye on.
We’re going to start by looking at the things you need to avoid doing in order to stop yourself from scaring him off.
Texting him multiple times in a row.
Nobody likes being flooded with unwanted texts. And if you ever meet someone who claims to actually like being bombarded by constant texts, we can pretty much guarantee they’re lying for whatever reason.
To understand exactly what we mean, imagine you’re texting the guy of your dreams. Everything seems to be going perfectly, and then he starts throwing texts like these at you without you even responding:
“How is it going?”
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Are you still there?”
“You busy or something?”
“I miss you! Where did you go?”
“K. Bye, then, I guess.”
All you did was step away from your phone for a bit – a couple hours, at the most. Maybe you were working, seeing friends, visiting your parents, or even just taking some much-needed me time.
What would you think about all these texts? You’d probably think that he’s insecure at the best, and downright creepy at the worst.
This applies to you, too. Don’t send him several texts in a row. To give you an exact number, we recommend only texting him twice in a row at the most.
If he doesn’t answer quickly, he’s likely busy. Should he end up never answering you again, then you probably just dodged a bullet. But if he does disappear and you can’t let him go yet, here’s what to text a guy after being ghosted.
Making him feel bad about not answering right away.
When the man you like isn’t answering quickly, it’s easy to get caught up in all these worst-case scenarios in our head. We might catch ourselves worrying that he’s talking to other women, losing interest, or planning on ghosting us.
This makes your self-defense mechanism kick in. When he finally does answer, you might instinctively feel inclined to punish him by making him feel guilty about not answering.
It can be something as subtle as this:
“There you are! I missed you while you were gone…”
To something as drastic as this:
“Why couldn’t you have answered me an hour ago?”
Resist the urge to do anything like this. He’s not bound by your schedule, just like you don’t have to abide by his. Odds are that the worst things you imagined are far from the truth – he was likely occupied with something innocent like dealing with work.
Overwhelming him with romantic sentiments.
Love is a wonderful thing. You’ll never catch us saying otherwise.
But in the early stages of a relationship, this beautiful thing can easily become a force of destruction. It’s like overwatering a growing plant when you’re simply concerned about helping it grow into a gorgeous flower.
Like pouring too much water on that delicate flower, “pouring” too much affection onto your budding connection can do more harm than good. The unfortunate thing is that this is harder to quantify.
We can’t tell you something like, “only text him sweet things x times a day – no more or less.” There is no hard and fast number for how often you should tell him something sweet.
The best way to avoid making him pull away is to let him take the lead a little. Is he being flirtatious or does he seem receptive to your cheesy texts? Then go with it!
On the other hand, if he’s just telling you about how his workday went or having some other casual conversation with you, follow that lead. Over time, you’ll develop a sharper instinct for how many sweet nothings he can take before he gets tired of them.
Only talking about sexual topics.
Sex is an amazing motivation for most men. The very idea of it will usually get him absolutely drooling at the prospect of seeing you ASAP.
But we strongly suggest not letting this become your go-to strategy whenever you feel like you’re losing him. Don’t send him nudes every time he takes awhile to answer or promise him a romp in the sheets whenever he’s not up to another date.
If you rely only on the physical, that’s what he’ll come to expect. He’ll get the wrong idea about your expectations for the relationship.
Use sex occasionally. Sprinkle it here and there throughout your text messages once you feel comfortable doing so. This should be done mostly on your own terms, and not when you feel like you have to do something just to capture his interest.
There is a notable exception here: if all you want is a casual sexual relationship, then you don’t need to be as reserved about sexual topics. Doing so will let him know that’s what you’re interested in, defining the boundaries of your relationship.
Talking exclusively about yourself.
There’s nothing quite as infuriating as talking to someone when it feels like they’re only waiting for the next gap in the conversation to talk about themselves. You probably know someone who’s exactly like that and you also probably dread talking to them.
Here’s the thing, though: people don’t always do this maliciously. Oftentimes, we talk about ourselves to relate to the topic or because we’re not sure what to say.
Try to stop yourself from doing this too often. If you’re not sure what to say to him, ask him a question about something he just said. There’s always a way he could elaborate further.
And if there truly isn’t something you could ask him, then change the subject! Ask him about anything you’re both interested in and follow the conversation from there.
Keep in mind that this doesn’t mean that you should never talk about yourself. If you dodged the question every time he asked you about yourself, you’d just look suspicious.
All this means is that you should try to balance the conversation. Talk about yourself when the conversation turns to you, but be sure to also pay attention to what he’s saying and question him accordingly to deepen the discussion.
Playing mind games.
Go on countless dating sites looking for advice, and we promise you’ll find plenty of people advising you to try sneaky strategies. People will advise you to make him jealous or to even to make him feel insecure about your relationship.
These games are all childish and potentially harmful. Don’t treat him as if he’s some kind of plaything – you wouldn’t want him to do the same to you.
However, some strategy is called for when you first start talking to a guy, especially if you want a lasting relationship out of it. To avoid playing harmful games, be sure to look at yourself and evaluate your honesty and sincerity.
If you find yourself constantly hiding things or lying, you’re probably playing games. If you’re doing things such as restraining yourself when you’re nervous and want text him a bunch, then you’re just exercising self-control.
Overthinking every single text you write.
You might find yourself spending a lot of time trying to write that perfect text to him. Because you want that mythical balance of flirty, smart, sweet, and sexy, you may be caught up carefully analyzing every single text you compose for hours at a time.
Even if you end up writing a beautiful text after all the analysis, there’s a problem with this approach: it’s not fun. We’d guess that you probably don’t want to spend hours upon hours painfully tearing apart every draft you write.
What you actually want to do is talk to him…so spend more time talking and less time questioning yourself!
Of course, it’s important to proofread your messages and give them a quick once-over to make sure you’re saying what you mean. But you don’t need to waste an excessive amount of time overanalyzing your responses.
Putting more effort into it than he does.
You obviously want the guy to stick around when you like him. If he’s not as invested as you, though, you may quickly start bending over backwards to keep him around.
Maybe you make sure to text him a cute good morning text every day. Maybe you send him selfies of you looking your best – often to no acknowledgment on his end. Maybe you remember every detail he tells you and check back on the things you know are important to him.
Those are wonderful, inviting things to do. But if he’s not willing to give you the time of day, then you’re only wasting all that good stuff on someone who simply doesn’t deserve it.
Don’t get us wrong – this may not mean he’s a bad guy. The truth is, though, that not all guys we like are going to like us back equally. That’s just a fact of life.
So if you find yourself consistently putting more effort into keeping a conversation going than he does, it’s time to step back and think about whether he’s truly worth all that energy.
Using too many emojis or text talk.
Emojis can be an excellent way of conveying our tone by text. Plain texts by themselves can sometimes be hard to decipher, and a single emoji can clarify what you mean.
But there’s a difference between punctuating your text with an emoji or two to convey your intent, and spamming it with emojis. The latter could make you look immature.
There is no definite text to emoji ratio that we can recommend. It’s something you’ll have to determine for yourself. However, we can say that sticking to a single emoji or two on a text message should usually be enough.
Likewise, be careful with using too much texting abbreviations and slang. These things are fine in moderation, especially when the particular abbreviation is common knowledge, but using them too often can make your messages confusing.
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Texting Strategies that Actually Work
There’s a lot to avoid when you’re texting a guy. Fortunately, it’s not all about carefully avoiding various pitfalls – romance is a fine dance that is also about the steps you do take.
A lot of the steps are common sense, too, so you won’t have to struggle to remember them. In fact, you probably already do a lot of these things.
If you need further guidance, too, there are additional options you can turn to. We recommend the Text Chemistry program because it was created by an expert who truly understands how romance by text works. You can click here to learn more about the program.
Let’s go over a few irresistible strategies you can start incorporating into your texts today…
Make him wait.
Think about the things you want most in life – it could be a particular career, education at a certain school, a specific piece of jewelry, or literally anything.
All the things you want most in life have at least one thing in common: they’re not super easy to get. If they were, you wouldn’t necessarily want them as badly because you’d be able to go get them at any time.
This same idea can be applied to romance. If you’re constantly available to your man the moment he texts you, then he’ll just learn he can access you whenever he wants.
The solution is to occasionally make yourself into a rarity. Every once in awhile, take a break from your phone. Even if you have nothing better to do than text him, making him wait communicates to him that you’re an independent person and that he needs to respect your time…as well as work to keep your attention.
Similarly, feel free to end a conversation whenever you need a break or you’re not sure what else to say. Simply text him something along the lines of, “I have to go for now, but we can talk more later,” and take a break.
Want to really get him thinking about you? You can also try out one of our texts to make him think about you all day for good measure.
Ask him questions about himself.
Want to know an easy way to make yourself seem like one of the world’s best conversationalists? Here’s a simple trick: ask the guy questions about himself.
Even if you feel like you’re the most socially awkward person, he’ll be appreciative of your interest. It’s easy to talk about ourselves, and asking him a question relating to his interests gives him a clear conversational thread to follow.
This is one trick you can use when you’re not sure what else to say. Think about something you know he’s interested in such as a hobby or TV show and ask him a question about it.
You do need to be careful with this strategy, though. Don’t overwhelm him with questions or else you may start to sound like you’re just interrogating him.
Respond thoughtfully to what he says.
This goes hand-in-hand with the previous tip because sometimes, responding thoughtfully means asking a question. At other times, though, responding thoughtfully means just acknowledging what he said or explaining your own thoughts on the matter.
Don’t just skip over everything he says to move on to the next topic. Doing so will make him feel ignored and lead to unfulfilling conversations. Take time to reply to what he says as much as appropriate, and you’ll find him much more interested in talking to you.
Save the fun topics for when you can see him in person.
These days, a lot of conversation is carried out through text. That’s just a natural part of our society with all the technology at hand.
Take advantage of this and have fun conversations…but don’t talk about everything by text. Save some of the fun topics for when you see him in person.
If you talk continuously about everything that’s ever happened to either of you or all of your hobbies, you’ll quickly exhaust your bank of topics. When you actually go out together, you’ll just find that you’re not sure what to say.
Let him text you first every so often.
Men oftentimes like when a woman takes the initiative and texts him first. It’s a great strategy for shy guys because it’s like throwing them a lifeline.
But every so often, it’s equally as wise to sit back and let him take the first step. That way, he can breathe, think about what he wants to say, and text you when he has the time to talk.
You don’t always need to wait for him to text first. Switching up the routine some days and waiting for him can keep the relationship feeling fresh, though, as well as show him that you’ve got a life of your own.
Turn up the heat periodically.
Want to instantly snag his interest? Get him salivating at the thought of you by adding some sexual commentary into your conversations for good measure.
For example, you could send him an irresistible selfie before bed. You could tell him about a naughty dream you had the night before. Describe in detail what you’d do to him if he were there with you.
The possibilities are endless! Get creative, and he’ll be totally intrigued by the idea of getting together with you soon.
Be careful when you’re diving into the physical nature of your relationship. Make sure you feel truly ready to take it to that level, and that you’re being sincere by bringing it up. Don’t use sex solely as a way to make him interested – it’s imperative that you enjoy it, too.
Try and make him laugh.
Do you have anyone in your friend group that seemingly has a gift for making you laugh so hard you cry? We’d bet that you love talking to that person because conversations are generally a blast with them.
This is another area where you can get creative. Send him memes, tell him cheesy jokes, or just stretch your storytelling skills and regale him with a hilarious story…whatever you feel comfortable with, share a little joy and give him a laugh.
Have fun talking to him!
Ask any love expert what the most important part about building a connection with someone is, and they’ll tell you a variety of perfectly valid answers. You might hear that playing hard to get is the most important thing or that flirting with him at exactly the right times is at the top of the list.
We have a different answer for you, though. Our belief is that the most important thing to remember when texting a guy is to have fun.
You should legitimately enjoy the conversations you have together. Talking to him should be something you look forward to – not something you dread because you have to meticulously dissect and plan every text message sent or received.
Keep in mind that there will naturally be ups and downs in your conversations. Sometimes, the discussion will flow effortlessly between you. At other times, it might drag on and feel awkward. That’s totally natural – different moods can cause different results.
For the most part, though, talking should be a pleasure for both of you. If it isn’t, you may want to think about whether he’s really a great match for you.
How do you start a conversation with a guy over text?
Deciding what to text a guy first can be one of the hardest parts of texting! Oftentimes, though, all you need to do is take that first step, and then you’ll find the conversation flowing beautifully.
There are a number of approaches you can take to start a conversation. You can ask him a question about one of his passions, tell him about something interesting that happened to you that day, or make plans to see him again.
If you’re totally at a loss for what to say, you can even fall back on basics, such as asking him about his day or how he’s feeling. We don’t recommend using these classic conversation openers all the time, but they can work just fine when you when just want to start the conversation.
What do you say when texting a guy?
Do you feel like you’re running out of things to say? Are you struggling to come up with ways to keep the conversation going?
The good news is that you can talk to a guy about pretty much anything. When you’re not sure what to say, it’s usually just the result of some romance nerves.
Think about any hobbies he has or things he’s into. Has he talked about a tv show recently? Do you know if there are any bands he’s obsessed with? What does he do to have fun?
If you know anything about him, a safe bet is to ask him for more info on his hobbies and interests. This will show him that you care and that you want to learn more about him.
How do you keep a guy interested over text?
One of the reasons we stay interested in someone is that they’re showing interest in us. Most people will move on when they feel like they’re being completely ignored by someone over and over again.
That means showing a guy you like him over text is going to be a huge part of keeping him interested. Be sure to sprinkle in flirtation to your conversations, such as cute emojis occasionally and even pictures of yourself. You can take it up a notch by sending him a dirty text every so often, too.
But don’t limit your conversations just to flirting, otherwise he’ll get bored. Show him you’re a woman of substance by discussing interests you both have and asking him more about himself.
What You Can Do to Learn How to Text Like a Pro
Texting isn’t as straightforward as you think it is. It’s only too easy to make mistakes that drive the guy you like away, or to run out of things to say.
That’s why there are tons of guides and resources out there to help people just like you navigate the world of romance successfully. One of our favorites is the Text Chemistry program, which was written by a real dating coach. It’s full of useful tips and text templates you can use to sweep your guy off his feet.
Of course, we have plenty of articles for you to check out, too. Feel free to read more of our guides for easy, relatable advice you can use to win him over.
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