Here’s a sad fact about many relationships: being deeply in love with someone isn’t a guarantee it will last your entire life.
Unfortunately, countless couples split even though one half is still head over heels for the other. The terrible truth is that over time, it becomes easier for one partner to fall out of love.
There’s not always much you can do about it, either. You might not even notice it happening until it’s too late.
The good news is, just as we can fall out of love, we can fall back in love again, too. That means if your ex-boyfriend fell out of love, you can reel him back in.
Keep reading, and we’ll explain the whole process for you.
Start by Looking at Your Breakup
Before you even begin trying to win him back, you’ll have a sort of “step zero” to consider. You’ll have to look at your relationship and the circumstances surrounding your breakup to put together a strategy.
These are a few of the questions you should be asking yourself:
How would you describe your breakup?
Pick any one adjective to describe your breakup. Summarize it as succinctly as you can.
For instance, was your breakup really messy? Was it a notoriously bad breakup with slamming doors, screaming, and one of you storming out of the house?
It could have also been the opposite. Maybe your breakup was quietly mutual, both of you agreeing to take a break from each other.
The point is, the smoother your breakup was, the better the terms you probably still are on with your ex. That means it’ll be much easier to approach him.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, if your breakup was terrible, things will be a bit more delicate. You’ll want to be more sensitive to his feelings, because he’s likely still in pain over the relationship ending, too.
Why did you breakup in the first place?
Regardless of how much you might want him back, sometimes it’s better to stay apart. That depends entirely on the reasons behind your breakup.
If he was abusive or toxic to you, and you worked up the courage to get away, don’t go back. You don’t deserve the negativity, and your health is more important.
We know it can be hard to let go. Take however much time you need to heal, and rely on your loved ones to help you move on in this case.
If he cheated, it’s largely up to you whether or not he’s worth giving a second chance to. Make no mistake here: you’d be the one giving him a second chance.
Don’t fall into this trap of thinking it’s your fault that he cheated. Don’t beg him to come back to you – give him some distance, so he’s the one begging you in the end.
There are a number of other reasons why you may have broken up beyond these ones. They could be minor or major, and whether or not they’re permanent deal breakers is your decision.
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Why do you want him back?
This will be a much harder question to answer. Because if you don’t give it much thought, your answer is going to be something like, “Well, I want him back because I love him. Isn’t that obvious?”
We get that you’re still in love with him. But that’s not the answer to this question.
Remove your current feelings from the equation for just a moment. Look at your relationship as objectively as possible.
What did he bring to the table? How did he make it worth dating him?
And no, this doesn’t necessarily mean money. We mean whether or not he actually put effort into the relationship to make you happy.
Did he take you on dates? Did he remember your favorite things, your birthday, and the music you love most?
Could you trust him completely? Was he always there for you when he needed him?
Put another way, was your relationship actually good and healthy? Or are you simply wanting him back because you’re heartbroken?
If you had a positive, healthy relationship, then it’s absolutely worth trying again. However, if you suspect you’re just missing him for no other reason than post-breakup blues, then maybe you just need to give yourself some time to heal before moving on.
Follow These Do’s and Don’ts
Don’t bombard his phone with messages.
At every single stage of a romantic relationship, texting your guy over and over and over again looks terrible. We recommend avoiding it whether you’ve just started dating or you’ve been together for years.
And it applies now, when you’re trying to get back together with him.
Packing his inbox with multiple messages from you will just make him crave space. This is extra true if this was a habit of yours while you were dating.
Do take time to answer his texts.
When something is rare, we want it that much more.
You can use this same powerful effect to get your ex back, and it’s super easy. What do you need to do to harness this psychology for your benefit?
Simply don’t answer him right away. That’s it.
Occasionally, when he texts you, take your time answering. Even if you’re not really busy, put down your phone and do something else for a bit.
You don’t have to do this every time he texts you, especially if you’re really into the conversation or he asked you a time-sensitive question. Sprinkle these delays here and there throughout your conversation to pique his interest.
You’ll be sending him a crystal-clear message that you have a life outside of him now, and every bit of time you spend with him is valuable.
Don’t pressure him to come back.
If you’re still in love with him, every moment you spend broken up will probably feel close to torture. You’ll be worried that he’ll find someone else any day now.
But regardless of the tremendous pressure you’re feeling to get back together yesterday, pushing him to come back won’t work. Begging, demanding, or dropping constant hints that you still want him are more likely to push him away than pull him in.
Don’t forget that you just broke up. The reasons behind it are still circling around in his head, and you’ll have to work to convince him that the relationship is worth salvaging.
Do keep your tone positive and confident (or fake it ‘til you make it).
At its core, your strategy for getting your ex-boyfriend to fall in love with you will be giving him compelling reasons to.
You can’t really do that if you’re always angry, depressing, or anxious in your texts. Even if you’re feeling down in the dumps constantly after the breakup, try to put on a good face.
Show him that you’re doing great. Tell him you’ve got plans, or you’ve been working on this project you’ve always wanted to do.
What this does is show him that you’re an independent person. He’ll find you much more attractive because it won’t seem like you need him at all.
Don’t use childish methods to make him jealous.
We think the world would be a much better place if we didn’t mess with each other’s hearts.
Unfortunately, we can’t control other people…but we can start by controlling ourselves. One place you can start is by how you respond to your breakup.
It’s easy to give in to the temptation of making him jealous. You could be thinking that he’ll come running back to you when he sees that picture you posted of you with a new man.
Or maybe you’ll do the cliché wrong text act, where you send him a flirtatious text, then claim it was for someone else.
Either way, these games are high school-level at best. You can do better than that.
If you’re really dead-set on making him jealous, you’ll achieve it much more healthily by being genuinely happy and successful without him.
Don’t lash out at him.
Have you ever been so angry at someone you loved, that you said something terrible and then instantly wished you could take it back?
We know we’ve done it. We also know we’re far from the only ones who’ve ever done it.
Anger and hurt go hand in hand. When we’re hurt, one impulse many people struggle with is lashing out to get even.
Think about all the times you’ve said something in anger and then wished you hadn’t said them at all. Remember them when you’re tempted to do the same to your ex-boyfriend.
And if you find yourself having a harder time resisting the urge, set your phone aside for awhile and spend some time relaxing. Once your head is cooler, you can resume talking to him again.
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How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend to Fall in Love With You Again (Step by Step)
Initiate and complete a no contact period.
If you’ve read any of our other ex-boyfriend guides, then you’ve heard us say this before. Because it’s so important, though, we’ll say it again: give yourself time to heal!
The best way to do this is through a no contact rule. As you might imagine, that means you choose not to talk to your ex at all for a specific amount of time.
You can choose days, weeks, or months. We personally think four weeks is a pretty good average.
You’ll use this time to let your heart heal a little bit. It will also make you seem scarce to your ex, who will start wondering what you’re up to.
As you start to feel better, you’ll move on to using your no contact period to make self-improvements. Some examples of what you could do are taking dance classes, working out, learning how to cook, or getting into that hobby you’ve always been interested in.
This is to help you build your confidence again. When you do end up speaking with your ex, you’ll have this newfound confidence to lean on for support.
Make contact with your ex-boyfriend again.
When you complete your no contact period, pause before you immediately text your ex. Think first about whether or not you even want to.
It’s possible that, after getting better, you find you don’t even want to make your ex fall in love with you. If so, that’s great!
If not, then you’re now surer than ever that you want to win him back. You’ve tested your conviction and it won.
Now is the point where you will reach out to your ex again. We recommend texting him, since it’s the easiest way to contact him.
The first thing you’ll say is tough. You can go with a greeting, or something to pull him into the conversation right away, like a question.
Romance expert Amy North discusses all kinds of topics you can text your ex-boyfriend about in her legendary Text Chemistry course. We recommend it to any woman he needs more help writing tantalizing text messages.
Use the conversation to hook him in.
Now that you’ve got the conversation started, the next step is to keep him hooked.
This part is a little harder to define. A good chunk of it will be making sure you keep your conversation bright and positive.
You’ll also want to talk about things that are legitimately interesting to him. Since you’re trying to get him to fall in love with you, we suggest talking about some of your best memories together.
He’ll relive this along with you as you talk about them. Make sure to ask him questions occasionally, too, so it’s easier for him to answer you.
Try this secret strategy: start off as friends for the time being (even if you still love him).
When all else fails, here’s a trick that will help you drive your ex crazy with desire for you: befriend him.
Yeah, we said it – become friends with him. That means talk to him like you would any of your other guy friends.
Ask him for his advice as a man when it comes to things you’d do for dates or with new hobbies you may have gotten into. Tell him you’re glad to have him as a friend.
Really, there’s nothing wrong with staying friends with your ex-boyfriend. It can actually be quite healthy.
But it’s also a sneaky way to get him plotting about what he needs to do to catch your interest again.
Further Reading: Why is My Ex-Boyfriend Always in My Dreams? (Your Dreams Decoded)
Gradually work up to hanging out with him.
You’ll be able to really pull out all the stops when you see your ex-boyfriend. For that reason, as you talk to him, try and feel out whether he would be okay with meeting.
Don’t push for this right away, or he’ll feel like you’re putting pressure on him. Take your time.
Spend a few days making conversation. If it’s going well, then feel free to ask him to meet you somewhere.
When you hang out again, wear something nice. Avoid going over the top and wearing your sexiest outfit, though, because he’ll see right through it – figuratively and maybe literally.
Wear something that makes you feel confident.
Don’t forget to wear your smile, either. Again, the overall objective is to give him a reason to fall in love with you, so show him your bright side.
See what else the world has to offer you.
While we don’t condone purposefully making him jealous with silly games, we can definitely get behind making him jealous indirectly.
And one of the best ways to do it is to just experience what else the world has to offer. Go out there and experience the dating field in your area.
Don’t go into it specifically with the intent of making him jealous, though. Instead, think of it as getting to see if the grass truly is greener on the other side.
Who knows? Maybe you’ll find that you really do fall in love with someone even better.
Otherwise, it will serve as a reminder to your ex that you can move on without him, so he’d better step up his game or get left behind.
Related Article: Why is My Ex-Boyfriend Acting Like a Jerk?
Develop an In-Depth Knowledge of Male Psychology
Making someone fall in love isn’t a straight path. You don’t just do one thing over and over again and then, bam, your ex is crazy for you once more.
It’s a process. Sometimes, things will seem to be going better, and other times, they’ll seem worse.
You’ll make it easier for yourself if you research the way men’s minds work. Luckily, relationship coach Amy North has made a series of materials that give you a window into the male brain.
With this knowledge of psychology she gives you in her Devotion System, you’ll have a better understanding of how to lure your ex back into your arms.