The end of a relationship is never easy, and it’s hardly ever black and white. Because of this, different relationships end in a ton of ways.
Unfortunately, it’s not so common for it to be a completely clean break, even if you were the one who ended it. Perhaps after leaving him, you’ve realized you actually made a horrible mistake and now you want him back.
You might be feeling like it’s impossible to get your ex-boyfriend back if you’re the one who broke up with him. But it’s definitely within the realm of possibility, and we’ll tell you how.
Answer This Question: Do You Really Want Him Back?
You wouldn’t be reading this right now if you didn’t think you wanted your ex back, right?
The thing is, after a breakup, we’re almost always in an emotionally volatile state. One moment we’re feeling like everything is going to be okay, and then the next we’re sobbing into our pillow and wondering what we’ll ever do without him.
That’s a pretty unstable time to be making important life decisions. You probably wouldn’t make a huge decision like cutting someone out of your life or getting married on an emotional whim.
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Don’t let getting back together with your ex be one of these emotional whims, either. Sit down and be as honest with yourself as possible, then ask:
Do I really want to be with him, or am I just letting my passion get the best of me?
If you can’t think about this without your bias towards him, try pretending you’re a friend looking in at your situation. Pretend to be your best friend, for example, and decide whether or not you’d tell yourself to get back together with him.
And if that’s difficult, try simply asking a third party, like your closest friends. A lot of the time we don’t realize how bad someone is for us (whether they were emotionally abusive or toxic, for instance) and need an outsider’s perspective.
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How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back When You Broke Up with Him
Okay, so you’ve decided you’re sure you want him back. What next?
What comes next is a multi-step plan. You likely won’t get your ex back just by snapping your fingers – there’s a little bit of work involved.
Let yourself (and him) have a recovery period.
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Regardless of the circumstances surrounding your breakup, we will always, always, always recommend you take time to recover before trying to snatch your ex back up.
Like we mentioned earlier, you’re in a highly emotional state post-breakup. You’re much more likely to do or say thing you’ll regret later.
To prevent this from happening and to give you space to patch your heart up, try a no contact period. Like the name says, this means you’ve decided not to speak to your ex at all for a period of time.
Usually, no contact periods last for a minimum of two weeks, but they can go on for as long as a few months. It’s entirely your decision what you feel most comfortable with.
Spend that time working on yourself. Get into shape, buy new clothes, do whatever you need to pamper yourself and feel great.
That way, when you decide to go back for your ex, you’ll really be at the top of your game.
In the meantime, you can practice using the law of attraction to prepare yourself for when you contact your ex-boyfriend next.
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Reach out to him again.
When your no contact period is up, re-evaluate once more if you want your ex back. If the answer is still yes, you’re going to need to bridge the distance between you.
The most efficient way of doing this is by texting him or messaging him on social media. Your strategy here is to use a happy, positive tone when you finally contact him.
Whichever method you choose of reaching out to him, your first message should be easy to reply to. You can check out our guide on what to text your ex-boyfriend after a no contact period if you’re not too sure what you should say.
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Spend time building up his trust in you.
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There’s a pretty big chance that your ex-boyfriend is feeling hurt after the breakup. You dumped him, and he might feel betrayed by that.
His pride could even be hurt. Getting dumped is never a good feeling, especially when you thought everything was going great.
For those reasons, he might not be ready to leap back into your arms right away. You need to spend some time regaining his trust through text or message.
That’s perfectly normal. Be patient, and continue making conversation with him, being attentive to his moods.
As time goes on, he should start to warm up to you again. You may notice he’s texting you first, as an example.
Or he may start asking you more questions about how you’re doing. These are good signs.
But if you’re having a hard time getting a read on him, you might want to take some time researching the way men communicate. Amy North, a celebrated relationship expert, has devised a program to help women decipher the minds of men and respond accordingly.
It’s called the Devotion System, and we believe it’s an extremely useful resource for any romantic situation, from just starting to date someone to winning your ex’s heart back.
Make a plan to meet him in person.
When you start feeling like he’s opening back up to you, you’ll want to start talking to him about seeing each other in person.
You’ll want to see him not only because you’re missing him, but because you’ll be able to convey your feelings much better. He’ll be able to hear the emotion in your voice and see it in your face.
Additionally, you’ll be able to take advantage of the chemistry you have together, provided it’s still there.
Ask him out for a quick bite to eat or a drink. Just make sure you pick casual locations that won’t make him feel as if he needs to wear a suit and tie.
Think about your favorite places to meet friends. Those locations should be comfortable enough for you to have a conversation without him feeling pressured.
Savor the time you spend with him (and observe him carefully).
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Once you get to this point, take a second to internally pat yourself on the back. You’re so close to getting your ex-boyfriend back!
This first meeting after the breakup is critical. Pay attention to his expressions and how his voice sounds.
Really read between the lines here. Take a little bit to gauge his mood and make light conversation with him, nothing that makes it feel like you’re forcing him to make a commitment.
Let the mood take you wherever it goes. Savor the time you’re spending with him, just like you used to.
There’s a chance you’ll find him open to the idea of steering the conversation to romance. You may see him checking you out, leaning towards you, or laughing at your jokes.
What does that mean?
If the chemistry is there, seal the deal.
When he’s giving you all those cute signs that he’s into you, you can take that as signal that it’s safe to venture into more romantic territory.
How you proceed is your decision here. We would recommend being honest with him and telling him how you’re feeling.
You can explain to him that he’s been on your mind, and you’d like to give it a second chance.
However, understand that he doesn’t have to say yes at this point. He might not even say no, either.
If he gives you a maybe, accept that and move on. You can always circle back to the subject later, once he’s had more time to think about it.
And what if he does say no? As much as it hurts to say, that’s not necessarily the end of the world.
He was receptive enough to want to see you again, and his feelings on getting back together could change later on. Don’t pressure him.
Remember to talk about your new boundaries with each other.
Whether or not you end up getting back together, it’s never a bad idea to talk about what kind of boundaries you’re going to have now.
Assuming he agrees to date you again, you need to discuss what’s going to be different this time. Think about why you broke up with him the first time, and what you can do to prevent that from happening a second time.
If he decides he would rather stay friends with you for now, talk about what makes you both feel most comfortable with the friendship. You might decide to make a rule where you won’t date each other’s friends, for instance.
The fact is, your relationship has changed. Regardless of whether you’re dating again, you’re just platonic, or you’re going your separate ways, the bond between you is not the same as it was before.
Plotting out a relationship road map will help you both feel more secure going forward.
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Here Are the Mistakes that Will Send Him Running Away From You
Now that you know the do’s, let’s cover the don’ts. Making any of these mistakes could ruin an otherwise flawless plan to get your man back:
Begging him to give you another chance.
Imagine this: your ex-boyfriend on his knees, pleading for you to give him just one more chance to get it right. As you look down on him, how would you feel?
Your answer probably isn’t “attracted to him.” At the best, you’d most likely feel pity, and at the worst, you’d be annoyed.
Don’t do this to your ex-boyfriend. While it’s true you probably wounded his pride and his feelings, you shouldn’t belittle yourself with begging.
He might just get the idea that he can come back and take you for granted.
Coming to him with a list of demands.
You broke up with him for a reason. More likely than not, it was a completely valid reason, too.
That being said, if you’re the one wanting him back, you’re now in a more vulnerable position. Going back to him and demanding that he fix a bunch of things to earn you back will merely make you look arrogant.
It’s important to honestly discuss with each other what needs to change going forward in order to ensure the relationship lasts this time. However, this type of conversation should be an equal give and take, where you both talk about what you think is best.
You shouldn’t walk in demanding your needs be met without any respect for his. He’d just think that he really dodged a bullet when you dumped him.
Blowing up his phone with texts, calls, or messages.
The moment you realize you want him back, you could be seized by a bout of panic. Any moment he’s not with you, he might be falling head over heels for someone else…
...so you start peppering his phone with texts, or his social media accounts with messages. Anything to get him to notice you ASAP and keep other women off his mind.
A word of caution: don’t let this panic hold you hostage. Crowding him with messages will make him feel smothered, and he might end up blocking you.
Don’t make him feel like that’s necessary. Give him some space, so the communication routes between you can remain open.
If you message him and he doesn’t answer you right away, he’s probably occupied. It’s possible he’s even taking time to respond because he’s also feeling emotional.
And that worst-case scenario you’re imagining over and over? It’s just your anxiety playing with your insecurities.
Playing games with his emotions.
When we’re feeling powerless, we naturally like to do whatever we can to yank back the power. And believe us when we say, wanting your ex back definitely makes you feel powerless.
To compensate, you could start playing petty little games to get his attention. Perhaps you’ll try to make him jealous by letting him know you’ve got other suitors.
Or maybe you’ll ignore his texts. Whatever it takes to make him think you don’t care.
These games are exhausting for both of you. All you’re doing is wasting your energy while showing him that you’re not serious about him at all.
Cut the crap. Stay out of these games, and you’ll feel much better in the end.
Still interested in making him jealous? Then we’ll show you what to text your ex-boyfriend to make him jealous without being toxic.
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Get Into His Mind and Figure Out What Makes Him Tick
Unfortunately, convincing your ex-boyfriend to give you another chance usually isn’t easy the vast majority of the time. You’d think it would be much easier if you were the one who dumped him, but that isn’t always the case.
His ego has been bruised and his trust betrayed. He’s probably feeling let down and hurt by you.
Turning this situation into a positive will take all the strategy and careful planning you can muster. You’ll improve your odds if you know a little about how the male mind works.
Want to learn more about it? You can check out Amy North’s Devotion System, which was crafted with the brains of men in mind.
With the knowledge contained in the program, you’ll be able to tap into a wealth of sneaky tricks that will leave any man eating out of the palm of your hand.
Don’t believe us? You can get more information on this successful system here.