Things are over between you and your ex-boyfriend…or are they?
As time passes, you find yourself thinking about him. You miss the times you spent together, and you keep checking your phone hoping to see a message in his name.
Your friends and family urge you to get over him, but no matter what you do, your heart still races when you think of his face.
Does that sound like you?
We get it – we really do. That’s why we’re writing this guide about how to get your ex-boyfriend back over text.
Here’s your first mission:
Step One: Take Time to Recover
Yes, your recovery process is crucial. Getting back together with your ex-boyfriend isn’t going to magically repair your broken heart.
In fact, it might make you feel even worse for a little while. You’ll be so anxious about the relationship ending again, that your life will be riddled with anxiety.
How do you prevent this from happening?
Simple: take some time to heal immediately after the breakup. That way, even if you aren’t able to snag him again, you’ll come out of the experience a stronger woman than before.
And it begins with this…
Go through a no contact period.
Experts all over the world strongly recommend undergoing a no contact period right after the breakup, and we agree.
What is a no contact period?
It’s when you agree not to contact your ex at all for a set amount of time after the breakup. The time is up to you, but it can be a couple weeks to a few months in length.
We would recommend at least one month. You’ll have plenty of time to do the next few things on the road to your recovery without your ex there to hold you back every step of the way.
Related Article: Why is My Ex-Boyfriend Blocking and Unblocking Me?
Work on improving yourself.
Assuming you’ve decided to go through a no contact period, the earliest part of it should be spent taking those tiny steps back to normality.
Allow yourself some time to grieve and cry, though. For example, you could tell yourself you’ll take a few days to a week to let yourself be an absolute mess, and then you’ll pick yourself back up.
After that time, start working on rebuilding yourself. Take a relaxing shower, get your hair done, or resume your workout routine if you’re into fitness.
Continuing your old routine will feel surprisingly healing. Going through these motions can help trick our hearts into thinking that everything is back to normal.
It will definitely be hard in the beginning, but take it one day at a time.
Eventually, you’ll be able to look back and see how far you’ve come.
Regain your happiness.
Once you’ve gotten back into a healthy daily routine, it’s time to seize happiness for yourself.
This is sort of like a step above basic self-improvement. At this point, you’re going to hang with your friends and family.
Try dressing up and going out – you might have more fun that you ever expected.
Get into some activity you’ve always been interested in, whether it’s taking dancing or cooking classes or anything else under the sun.
Basically, start packing your schedule with things. You might just be shocked at how little you find yourself thinking of your ex-boyfriend after a long and busy day.
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Consider seeing who else is out there first.
If it seems like we’ve been trying to talk you out of getting back with your ex, it’s because we are…sort of.
Truthfully, what we’re encouraging you to do is to rebuild yourself into a complete person. That’s because you’ll be so much more irresistible to your ex when he sees how successful and happy you’ve been in the meantime.
Part of this, as scary as it sounds, will be to sample the dating world a bit before you go back to your ex. We know it seems weird.
But this is actually an important step. You’ll find out if your ex really is the one for you or if you’d honestly be better off without him in this phase of your recovery.
This doesn’t mean you have to go on dates with different guys every night of the week. You don’t have to try and get someone else to fall in love with you.
It just means taking a little peek at what’s behind the curtain. You could try checking out some dating apps, or asking that cute guy at the bar out for a drink another time.
It doesn’t have to get serious. If all it does is serve to remind you of what you’re missing with your ex, then so be it – at least you can say you gave romance a fair chance elsewhere.
Step Two: Initiate Contact with Him Again
Okay, so the no contact period is up, or you’ve decided to reach out to him. What next?
Texting him will be the easiest method of communicating for the time being. It will play a huge part in getting your man back, but it’s not the only part.
It’s more of an ice breaker. The end goal will be to see your ex in person or speak to him on the phone.
Here’s how it works:
Break the no contact period with your first text.
Sending the first text after a no contact period is hard. It’s natural to be nervous and to feel vulnerable, because you’re kind of laying everything on the line.
There are a couple ways you can go about doing this part. You can keep it casual by asking him how he feels, get him missing you by talking about your favorite memory with him, or even make him laugh with a hilarious joke.
We actually have a post all about what to text your ex-boyfriend after a no contact period.
Recommended Article: What to Text Your Ex-Boyfriend on His Birthday (And If You Should)
Make conversation with him.
Got that first text sent out? Great!
Now it’s time to keep that conversation going with him. This part of the process is a little bit like nurturing a dying fire.
You’ll need to keep adding fuel to the fire to coax it back to its previous bright glory. That fuel needs to be easy for the fire to burn, or it will just be extinguished.
We recommend using conversation openers that draw him in and make it effortless to respond. For example, you can get him on the edge of his seat with a story by leading with something like, “You won’t believe what just happened to me today…”
Of course, that opener works best if something out of the norm has actually happened to you. Don’t feel like you need to make up something interesting here.
Another good way to keep the conversation going is to ask him questions, and ensure the focus of the chat is all on him. Shine the spotlight on him, so to speak.
That doesn’t mean you should ask him a dozen questions in a row, because he’ll start to feel like he’s being interrogated. When he answers your questions, comment on his answer if you can, especially if he’s asking you questions back.
See Also: The Ultimate Guide to Texting Guys
Keep your tone light and friendly.
With the conversation going back and forth between you, your emotions might be going crazy. After all, you are talking to your ex-boyfriend again, someone you were probably deeply in love with.
When your emotions are running strong, it can be dangerously easy to slip into serious conversational territory. Stay away from it.
Your main goal when you first begin texting regularly again should be to keep the tone of your talks as light and friendly as possible. Show him that you’re happy and that you’re doing well.
These things will showcase your strong and independent nature. He’ll be drawn to you when he sees that you’re not a wreck…and he’ll also be curious as to why you don’t seem to need him (even if you secretly do).
If you feel like you’re starting to get pulled into heavy and emotional territory too soon, there’s a quick way out: tell him you’re busy. Then put your phone down and take a breather until you feel ready to talk some more.
You might have no idea what to do to make yourself impossible for your ex to resist. The good news is, there are people out there who can help you draw him back in.
The Text Chemistry course was written by just such a person: Amy North. She’s a relationship coach who has unlocked psychological secrets that can have you writing texts that will drive him wild with passion again.
Work your way up to meeting with him again.
Once you’ve established a rapport with your ex-boyfriend and you’ve been talking regularly for more than a couple days, you’re reached the stage where you can plan another meet up.
There are many reasons you should try and arrange a face-to-face meeting.
First: it helps you feel out whether or not there are still sparks between you. We tend to remember things as being far better than they actually are, and you might find that you don’t feel the chemistry with him anymore.
Second: you’ll be in a better position to start talking to him about rekindling your relationship. These talks are usually better in person, where he can see how sincere and honest you are.
Third: you can gauge his interest in getting back together much more easily. You’ll be able to see his face and hear his voice as he responds to you.
You’ll make the plan to hang out through text, because it will be convenient for you and also for him. Plan to see him in a casual place, like a bar, coffee shop, or restaurant (just not the five-star kind).
Make the timeline open. You could ask him, for instance, if he’d like to meet you for a cup of coffee “sometime” rather than setting a time yourself.
This will give him the opportunity to help you make the plan, picking a time that works for him.
Step Three: Seeing Him After the Breakup
With the meetup planned, you’re well on your way to getting your ex-boyfriend back. He wouldn’t have agreed to see you in the first place if he wasn’t interested in talking to you.
As for the meeting, try not to think of it as a “date” just yet. Wear something nice (you don’t want to look like you don’t care), but don’t dress to the nines, either.
In the end, though, it’s most important that what you wear makes you feel beautiful.
Like with texting, keep the conversation lighthearted. Give yourself time to gauge what his interest levels are at.
Go with the flow. If it doesn’t feel right talking about getting together just yet, see if maybe he’d be interested in booking another meeting with you.
Otherwise, if all signs say go and he seems into you, by all means, bring it up. See if he’d be interested in a “real” date with you.
Even if he says no, remember: you didn’t spend all that time healing for nothing. There are many other men who’d love to take your ex’s place.
And who knows? If not now, you might find you and your ex being drawn together again in the future.
Further Reading: What to Text Your Ex-Boyfriend to Make Him Want You Back
Texting Is Important – Make Sure You’re Good at it!
One common pattern throughout the whole process of getting your ex back is texting. We cannot stress enough how important it is to intimately understand the art of texting.
Writing intriguing messages, keeping the conversation alive, reading into his tone…these are just a few of the things you’ll need to have a grasp on if you’re going to get your ex-boyfriend back.
Feeling a little overwhelmed? Don’t forget: you’re not alone.
There are always other places you can go to turn your texting game into a force to be reckoned with. Amy North’s Text Chemistry course is a wonderful example of a program that was made to get any man – even your ex – drooling over you with nothing more than text messages.