DATE AT AN EXPERT LEVEL
Nothing is quite as heartbreaking as finding out your ex-boyfriend (who you’re still into) is now seeing another girl.
Suddenly, you’ll find yourself obsessed with them. You’ll stalk them on social media, wondering if she’s just a rebound or something more.
You may feel more hopeless than ever about getting him back. But there’s a light in the dark: it’s not impossible to get him back, even when he’s with someone else.
Wondering how to get your ex-boyfriend back from another girl? We’ll answer that question for you in this guide.
The Odds of Getting Him Back When He’s With Someone New
Your next question is probably something like this: what are the odds of getting him back when he’s with someone new?
Well, that depends on whether or not the new woman is a rebound. If you’ve never heard the term, a rebound is when, after a breakup, someone immediately jumps into a new relationship with someone else.
There are a few reasons why they might do this, but it’s mainly because of their own pain and insecurity. They’re usually thinking that they can get over their ex better if they have a new fling.
It could even be because they’re trying to make their ex (read: you!) jealous by starting this new relationship.
Many experts agree that rebound relationships tend to have a very limited shelf life. Because they’re less likely to be long-lasting, serious connections, you stand a better chance of getting your ex-boyfriend back if he’s in a rebound relationship.
Now, if he’s really serious about this woman, and she’s not just a rebound, you can think of it as a huge stop sign. Don’t get your hopes up.
How do you know the difference between a rebound and a serious relationship? The length of time.
The sooner he gets together with her after your relationship ended, the higher the chances it’s a rebound relationship.
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You’ll Be Tempted to do These Things (But You Shouldn’t)
Let’s start with the don’ts before we get to the do’s of winning your ex back.
The intense jealousy you’re feeling right now will make you want to do some things that will sabotage your chances. We’ll describe the common mistakes for you so you’ll know what to avoid.
Ruining his new relationship.
A very common response of many women who want their ex back while he’s with someone else is engaging a little espionage and sabotage. Like a spy, they try and destroy the relationship with subtle tactics.
These tactics can include things like reaching out to the other girl and making her feel insecure about the relationship or convincing their ex that the relationship isn’t worth it. Whatever they can do to drive a wedge between the new couple, they do.
We’re going to be frank with you: it’s an absolute waste of your time. Remember, if it’s a rebound relationship, the odds are against it lasting, anyway.
In that case, literally all you need to do is sit and wait for your opportunity.
Begging him to come back to you.
When we see someone we love with someone else, all rational thought flies out the window. Even if you’re normally great at keeping your cool, you could find yourself overwhelmed by desperation to get him back.
That means you’ll be more susceptible to the huge mistake of begging him.
No matter what else you’re feeling, you should never feel as if you have to beg for him to come back. Begging makes you look insecure, unconfident, and undesirable.
It sends him this message: “I’m hopeless without you, and I need you just to survive.”
In a nutshell, begging is clingy. It certainly won’t convince him to discard his new girlfriend for you, especially if she’s strong and confident.
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Playing a few jealousy games.
Here’s another tactic we wish would be left behind: petty mind games.
Some might think making their ex-boyfriend crazily jealous is the way to go. And to be honest with you, using jealousy can indeed work.
The problem is, many women don’t use it correctly. They resort to silly games like showing off a new man, oversharing about how happy they are, or telling their ex-boyfriend that they’re better off without him.
With an immature guy, these strategies might actually work. However, the relationship resulting from using these methods would be built on a foundation of toxicity.
That won’t lead to a long-term, healthy bond with each other. Quite the opposite – you’re just setting the tone for future games to be played between you.
If you’re looking for a way to use jealousy without getting downright poisonous, take a look at our guide on what to text your ex-boyfriend to make him jealous (without being toxic).
Lashing out at him.
No matter how hurt you’re feeling, it’s not a good idea to take out your pain on your ex-boyfriend.
That means no insulting him, swearing at him, or ranting at him. If you’re feeling hurt and angry and absolutely need to express it, turn to a close friend to talk about it instead.
Another therapeutic exercise is to write everything you’re feeling down. Write the angriest letter you want to your ex-boyfriend (or even his new girlfriend).
When it’s complete, rip it to pieces and throw it away. Then take a deep breath.
Feel proud of yourself for being the bigger person. If you’d lashed out at him, you’d simply have pushed him away, which is kind of the opposite of the effect you’re looking for.
How to (Really) Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back from Another Girl
Now for the good stuff. Let’s talk about what to do to actually get your ex-boyfriend back from your competition.
Give him some space for a little while.
It probably sounds really bizarre that we’re asking you to give him some space. You want him back, and he’s with someone else.
Won’t he just fall more in love with her if you’re out of the picture?
The answer to that question is probably not. Why?
Again, rebound relationships tend not to last very long. It’ll usually end pretty fast without you needing to do anything.
As soon as he’s alone again (or even while he’s with the other girl), he’ll start thinking about you. Where are you? How are you doing? Are you happy without him?
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder for a reason, and yours will exaggerate his curiosity about you.
We always recommend going through a no contact period, which is a period of time where you decide not to talk to your ex at all. Our suggestion is at least three or four weeks, but some do this for as little as two weeks and as long as three months.
Become your best self.
While you’re taking your break from your ex, you’re not exactly going to be sitting around doing nothing.
So what will you be doing? You’ll be working on becoming the best version of yourself you can be.
Think of a caterpillar. Like the caterpillar, you’re in a cocoon, undergoing a transformation.
When you emerge again weeks or months down the line, you’ll have gorgeous new wings that will catch his eye.
In your case, this means doing the projects you’ve always wanted to do, but set aside for whatever reason. Get into fitness, take cooking classes, learn a new language, or get your hair done.
Do anything you can think of that would make you feel accomplished. Then hold on to that burst of confidence you feel, because you’re going to need it all when you talk to your ex again.
Keep in touch, and keep it friendly
Holding to that confidence from your recovery? Good.
Because once your no contact period is up, you’re going to reach out to your ex-boyfriend again. You’ll need to keep the conversation casual and friendly right now.
Check on how he’s doing or what he’s up to. You can use his response to get a readout on what he’s thinking and feeling.
Then, keep the channel of communication open between you. Don’t flood him with texts, but do try and maintain a regular conversation.
This will help you secure a foothold in his brain so he can’t possibly forget you.
It was created specifically to help women like yourself communicate effectively with men by text…and it works.
Consider telling him how you’re feeling.
With regular communication occurring between you, you might want to think about just telling your ex what’s on your mind.
This doesn’t mean you should immediately demand that he leave his current girlfriend. Don’t tell him that he needs to choose between you and her right now.
However, you can use a little honesty to clear the air. Explain to him that you still have feelings for him, and would be interested in exploring those feelings when there’s an opportunity.
Let him know that you respect his current relationship, though, and don’t want to come between them if he’s happy.
He’ll need to make the decision on his own. Be patient, and give him time to think over what you’ve told him.
Know when to cut your losses and move on
If you’ve discussed your feelings with your ex, he might come back and tell you he doesn’t want to get back together now. Or you may learn that his current relationship is actually serious and that he’s truly happy.
In those cases, you need to be able to accept his own feelings. You need to be able to move on.
We know it’s not easy. Just remember, there are tons of other men in the world, many of which would be happy to cherish you.
It’s hard to hear that. You’re probably saying, “But there’s no one else like him!”
That’s true. But also keep in mind that, unless he was your very first boyfriend, you probably felt this way about someone else before him.
And you got through that breakup, right? You’ll get through this one, too.
It just takes time.
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Learn What Makes Men Tick to Get them Addicted to You
Whether you’re trying to get your ex back or you’re moving on to a new man, you’ll enjoy a much greater success when you know how his mind works.
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