Have you ever really liked a guy, only to have him never view you in a romantic light? Have you ever been deeply into a man who always hangs out with you platonically, never flirts with you, and even talks to you about girls he likes? (And - spoiler alert - none of those girls is you?)
It sounds like you’re experiencing a painful and frustrating phenomenon known as the friend zone. We can assure that you’re not alone. Countless men and women around the world have been put in this box and are searching for a way out.
Our mission is to help you. In this post, we’ll talk about how to get out of the friend zone with a guy through texting. Keep reading, because we’ve got some important advice and tough love to give you here…
Before you read...
There's one text message you can send that will stop a man from EVER putting you in the friend zone...
The Friendzone: What is it, and Why Do Guys Put You There?
We’ll start with the basics: what, exactly, is the friend zone? In the event you’ve been living under a rock the past few years (and no one could blame you for that!), the friend zone is exactly what it sounds like. This is what happens when someone you’re romantically interested in only ever sees you as a friend.
You start to feel like you’re trapped. It’s like there’s a fence around you, boxing you into a space where you’re surrounded by other friends. On the other side, you can see the green, sprawling grass of the romance zone, populated with flowers, hearts, and everything you think you want with this person.
Why did your crush lock you into this “zone?” As it turns out, there are a few main reasons why you’re here, and we’ll give you a tour through them. Keep your eyes open and look at yourself as truthfully as possible to see if these reasons apply to you.
1. He thinks you’re “one of the boys.”
There’s nothing wrong with not being the traditional “girly-girl.” Women can be virtually anything they want to be, and you’re allowed to have your own unique style.
Some women, however, try to blend in with the guys in their life as way of winning men over. This strategy will earn you a lot of guy friends because they’ll feel comfortable around you. The problem is, it will not distinguish you as a romantic partner.
If you’re the type of person who’s proud that they only hang out with guys because “women are too much drama,” or you get into the hobbies of your guy friends so you can be around them more without being truly interested in those hobbies…this applies to you. There’s a strong possibility the man you’re into isn’t viewing you in a romantic light because you’ve made yourself too much like him in the process.
Don’t get us wrong - it’s important to have some interests in common with your partner. But who wants to date their own perfect reflection?
Read Also: 20 Texts to Make Him Ask You Out
2. You’ve never flirted with him/made your desires clear.
Sometimes, you start building a connection with someone by just being their friend. There’s nothing wrong with this. Friendships can sometimes grow into the strongest and most fulfilling romantic relationships.
But at some point, there needs to be a jump from platonic to romantic. If all you ever do is talk to him as a friend, most respectful gentlemen are going to mirror that behavior and assume that’s all you want.
In other words, this is a friend zone that you’ve built yourself. You can recognize the signs of this by looking at your interactions with him and seeing if you only ever stay in your comfort zone.
3. He is already in a happy relationship.
These days, relationships come in a range of structures. Him having a partner doesn’t necessarily mean he won’t be interested in you (without cheating) because some couples legitimately have open relationships. Some relationships can also be polyamorous, featuring romantic commitments from more than two people.
In general, though, it’s safe to assume that if he has a partner, he’s not on the romantic market. He’s probably put you in the friend zone out of respect for his commitment to another person. This is one of those situations where you just need to move on for now and potentially circle back later when he’s single again.
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4. He’s trying to let you down gently.
You’ve probably had at least one experience in your life with a guy who liked you while you didn’t like him that way. In these situations, what’s the easiest way to let someone down? The easiest way is saying something like this: “I see you as just a friend.”
Put another way, the guy could be aware of your interest and simply doesn’t return it. Him keeping you around as a friend could be his way of letting you down softly to minimize the damage to your feelings.
This isn’t necessarily a problem on your end. We can’t always control what we’re attracted to, and this applies to men, too. Be sure to respect his feelings if he’s ever openly rejected you like this and value his friendship as-is. Remember, feelings change, and when he sees your maturity in accepting his rejection, it’s possible he could grow to like you romantically in time.
Another reason this type of rejection occurs is when you’re being too pushy. If you keep forcing your romantic feelings on him, this is a way of putting a stop to it without completely cutting him out of your life. Again, be sure to respect his feelings.
Related Post: 50 Texts to Make Him Want You Back
How to Get Out of the Friend Zone with a Guy Through Texting
Now that you understand potentially why he’s put you into the friend zone, it’s time to formulate your game plan for breaking free. Don’t worry – you won’t have to dig your way out with a spoon or anything.
If you still need more guidance after reading our tips, we’d also like to strongly recommend checking out this Text Chemistry program. It’s a top-notch course created by a romance coach and it’s brimming with easy tricks you can use to get a guy drooling over you.
Start flirting with him by text!
If, like we mentioned earlier, you’ve only ever stayed in your safe little comfort zone, it’s time to push yourself. Get out of the shallow side of the pool and start swimming in the deep end…
…or, to cut the metaphors, it’s time to start flirting with him. This is the first step in showing him that you see him as someone with romantic potential.
There are many, many different ways to flirt by text. You can start using flirtatious emojis, for example, like winking faces, kissing faces, or hearts.
If that’s not your thing, start complimenting his appearance. Tell him what you find sexy about him or tell him how certain things he does make you feel. You could say, as an illustration, that the way he pushes his hair back when he’s working out makes you feel weak.
Another thing you can do easily is send him selfies. Dress yourself up a little and send him a picture when you’re feeling most confident. Flattering pictures may help him see you in a whole new light.
If you need some more inspiration for flirty texts to send him, try some from our list of 150 cute and flirty texts for him.
Don’t be afraid to talk about your love life.
When you choose to portray yourself from a purely platonic angle, that’s the only way he’s going to see you. One way to start opening his eyes to you is to show him those romantic parts of you and make him realize that you’re more than just another friend.
Start telling him little details about his love life. Laugh with him about a bad date. Show him your best pictures and ask if they would look good on your dating profile.
We’re not saying you should go out of your way to make him jealous but showing him how desirable other people find you may make him realize he has to snag you fast…before someone else does.
Get straight to the point: ask him on a date.
Unfortunately, the flirtiest texts aren’t all guaranteed to succeed. If the guy you’re interested in feels insecure or thinks you’re out of his league, he may assume he’s misreading your signals every time you’re flirting with him.
For those times when you’ve sent him all the signs and he’s still not getting it, you need to break out the big guns and just tell him what’s going on. We know this will make you nervous because it puts you at the risk of an explicit rejection…but if you really like him, he’s worth that risk.
So, tell him how you feel. Ask him if he wants to go on an easy, laid-back date, such as going out for coffee or drinks. Make it clear to him that you mean it as a date and not as a casual hangout.
You may be pleasantly surprised by his response to this. And if he’s the type of guy who’s too humble or shy for his own good, he’ll be impressed by your initiative.
Don’t make yourself look desperate.
Making a guy see you in a whole new romantic light is as easy as sending him one special text message...
One of the most important aspects to winning a guy over by text is this: don’t let him think you need him. Do what you must to avoid the dreaded mistake of seeming desperate.
Think about how much of a turn-off it is when a guy absolutely begs for your attention. Picture how repelled you are by guys who cling to everything you say to them, assuming you’re flirting with them, and then get upset when you don’t answer them instantly.
These things don’t look any less unappealing when you do them. They can totally kill any potential for a romantic relationship to form at all, so it’s imperative that you avoid coming across this way.
It’s pretty easy to avoid seeming desperate. Make sure you don’t immediately text him back all the time and don’t always be the first one to start conversations. When he compliments you, avoid gushing about it – accept the compliment with grace and a bit of flirtatiousness in turn by complimenting him back.
You Might Also Like: What to Text a Guy First Without Seeming Desperate
Most importantly, learn to change your mindset.
There’s an elephant in the room that we need to address here. We can’t end this article without first discussing your mindset about the friend zone.
You see, the friend zone is entirely a mental construct. When you think of yourself as being in the friend zone, you are devaluing a man’s time and companionship. You’re inadvertently telling yourself that the only thing that’s important is a romantic connection and that you’re entitled to it.
Generally speaking, people who “put you in the friend zone” don’t even know they put you there. They’re assuming that you just want to be friends most of the time, reflecting the way you treat them.
So, above all, the most important thing you can take away from this guide is this: learn to look at the friend zone in a new way, and you’ll find yourself much happier. Don’t imagine yourself as being trapped in this fenced-in zone. Instead, picture yourself as being on a path that you can walk up or down with time.
This path does go uphill, and it may sometimes take work to reach the top. At other times, parts of the path may be fenced off as personal boundaries set up by the person you’re pursuing. At the end of the day, though, all parts of the path are beautiful, so no matter where you’re standing, there’s an excellent view to admire.
If you put yourself out there and the guy says he’s not interested, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. You may have just made a friend, and that friend likely knows other guys who may be an even better match for you. And if you decide you’re not looking for new friends, necessarily, that’s not a bad thing, either – you can just politely part ways with him for now and continue your search for love.
It never feels good to be pigeon-holed into a role or position you don’t want. However, it’s important to realize that the idea of the “friend zone” itself is one of entitlement and toxicity. Think of it this way: when you assume you’re being “friend zoned,” you’re boxing someone else into a romance zone that they may not know about or want to be in.
You are above this. Accept that not all men you’re interested in will return your feelings, and that it’s never a bad thing to make more friends. And, as we mentioned earlier, you’re always free to move along and look for greener pastures if someone isn’t offering you the connection you want.
There are resources out there to help you with your journey. The Text Chemistry course is one of the best resources we’ve found when it comes to using text messages to build a relationship.
Don't Leave Without This
You can win his heart completely with this one simple text message that all men are desperate to get...
My name is Jenny and I love helping people with their relationships. I believe a few simple tips can help people massively improve their communication skills with their partners and really express themselves. Thanks for visiting!