DATE AT AN EXPERT LEVEL
There are a lot of reasons why an emotionally unavailable man may not want to commit. He might be afraid, he might have been hurt before, or he may just need time to figure things out on his own.
Regardless of the reason for his lack of commitment, there is a way you can make him fall in love with you and become more committed than ever!
25 Ways To Make Emotionally Unavailable Men Commit
If you feel there is an emotional rift between you and your guy, then these tips will work on helping you fix that problem so that he can see what a great catch you are.
1. Plan a Date Night
Sometimes relationships need a bit of a jump start to restore an emotional connection. Have you been in a pattern of staying home and not going out? If so, try planning a date night. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just something that gets you both out of the house and interacting with each other.
If your guy is hesitant to go out on dates because he’s worried about spending money, suggest doing something more affordable like cooking dinner at home.
During the date, take time to start up conversations that can bring the two of you even closer together. You can open up the floor for him by asking how he has been doing, and then really listening to what he has to say.
If you show genuine interest in him, it can help open up the lines of communication and make him more likely to want to talk with you about things that are important to him.
You can also go on a date that helps to spark unique conversations such as a museum, a comedy club, or even a play. Anything that changes up the typical date routine can help to get your guy’s attention and make him see how much effort you’re putting into the relationship.
If you’ve never gone on a date with this guy before, this could be a bold way to move the relationship forward and make him take notice.
If you initiate the date, he will see you as a confident woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to take a risk. In turn, he may be more willing to trust you with his feelings.
2. Reconnect Through Shared Hobbies
If your emotionally unavailable man is someone who is usually quite closed off, you can try reconnecting with him through shared hobbies.
It’s likely that the two of you shared some interests when you first started dating, but life may have gotten in the way and caused those activities to fall by the wayside.
Pick up a shared hobby that you both can enjoy, such as painting, hiking, golfing, or even playing video games. By doing something that you’re both interested in, it can help to open up the lines of communication and help you to reconnect with each other.
If the relationship is new or you two haven’t made a romantic connection yet, take some time to learn about what his hobbies are. Go ahead and let him know what you’re interested in as well.
These questions are great for opening space for communication and getting to know each other on a deeper level.
3. Ask Him About His Emotions
One of the biggest reasons why an emotionally unavailable man might not want to commit is because he doesn’t know how to process or communicate his emotions.
If you can take some time to really sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart about how he’s feeling, it can help to open up your relationship. He may be more willing to communicate with you if he knows that you’re not going to judge him or make him feel bad about how he’s feeling.
In addition, it can help him to start understanding and processing his emotions in a healthy way. This is an essential step for any man who wants to become more emotionally available.
If your guy is hesitant to open up to you about how he’s feeling, you can help him to feel more comfortable by actively listening, gently touching his arm or hand, and even using mirroring techniques to show that you’re really paying attention to what he’s saying.
It may take time, but eventually, he will start to feel more comfortable opening up to you and sharing his innermost thoughts and feelings.
4. Make Him Feel Needed & Appreciated
Sometimes emotionally unavailable men need to feel like they are needed and appreciated in order to open up.
You can help him to feel more connected to you by doing things like thanking him for the small things he does each day or even sending him a text message telling him how much you appreciate him.
If he knows that he’s valued and appreciated, it can help him to feel more connected to you and open up more emotionally.
You can also ask your emotionally unavailable guy to help you with things around the house or with any errands that you need to run. It’s simple, but it can help him to feel like he has a purpose in your life and also opens up more opportunities for conversation between the two of you.
If you show your guy how much value he brings into your life, his walls will start coming down one by one. He will begin to feel more connected and open up in ways that he didn’t think were possible before.
5. Ask What He Wants For the Future
If you want to know how to connect with emotionally unavailable men, one of the best things you can do is ask them about their future goals.
Many emotionally unavailable men have a difficult time thinking about the future because they’re worried that they won’t be able to live up to your expectations.
By asking him what his plans are for the future in a compassionate and supportive way, you’re letting him know that you believe in him and that you think he can achieve anything he sets his mind to.
In addition, it can help to start building a foundation for your relationship. If the two of you are able to talk about your plans for the future, it shows that you’re both invested in making your relationship work.
Asking him what he wants for the future can help pave the way for an emotionally connected, serious relationship because it will show your guy how much you care about him and his goals too.
6. Be Willing to Compromise
Perhaps your emotionally unavailable man has been struggling with the high expectations that he feels you have for him. Does your partner feel that it’s your way or the highway?
In order to make your relationship work, you may need to be willing to compromise a bit. Ask yourself what’s most important for the health of your relationship and go from there.
For example, if he wants more time alone but it makes you feel lonely and abandoned when he does this, then perhaps a compromise can be found that’s beneficial for both of you.
If you can learn to compromise and meet in the middle, it will go a long way towards making your relationship work and helping him to open up more emotionally as well.
Take some time to ask yourself what you’re willing to compromise on and what’s non-negotiable for you. This way, you’ll be able to approach future conversations with your emotionally unavailable guy armed with the knowledge of what you need in order to feel happy and fulfilled in your relationship.
7. Take Pressure Off Of The Relationship
There may be emotional blockages with your man because a lot of stress has been put on the relationship in general. If you two have been dealing with financial problems, stress at work, or family issues, it can be incredibly difficult to open up emotionally.
If you feel like the pressure is too much for your relationship right now and that there are just too many other things going on in both of your lives to handle an intimate connection yet, then take a step back from the situation.
Instead of focusing on the relationship, focus on taking care of yourself. Get a massage, take a yoga class, or go for a walk in nature to de-stress and relax.
Once both you and your partner have had some time to yourselves and have gotten rid of some of the stress in your lives, then it may be time to revisit the relationship and see if things have changed.
8. Be a Team
If you want to know how to connect with emotionally unavailable men, it’s important that the two of you are on the same team.
Often times in relationships where one partner is more closed off than the other, there can be a power struggle about who has control over certain situations. This creates even more distance between both partners and makes your man shut down even more.
Instead of focusing on what you can get from your emotionally unavailable man, focus on what you can give to him instead. This will help to create a balance and a sense of equal footing in the relationship.
9. Be Fair In Fights
If you and your man don’t fight in a respectful and fair way, then it can be incredibly difficult for your partner to open up about his emotions.
For example, if you’re constantly attacking him when he’s upset and pointing out all of the ways that he’s failed in life, then this will only push him further away from being vulnerable with you.
Instead of lashing out at your man, try to be understanding and patient. Listen to what he has to say without judgment and offer up your support.
Fighting in a fair and respectful way will help to create an emotionally safe space for your partner where he can feel comfortable opening up about his feelings.
If you can learn to fight in a way that’s fair and respectful, then this will go a long way towards helping your partner open up about his feelings with you.
10. Surprise Him
One way to make your emotionally unavailable man feel more connected with you is to surprise him.
Do something that he wouldn’t expect from you and show him that you’re thinking about him even when he’s not around.
For example, send him a text message out of the blue telling him how much you love and appreciate him. Or you can do something that is more personal, like cooking his favorite meal for dinner.
The key is to be creative and think of something that will make him feel special and loved.
When your partner knows that he’s always on your mind, it can help to break down the barriers between both of you and encourage emotional intimacy.
11. Redefine the Relationship
If things are still feeling rocky with your emotionally unavailable man, then it may be time to redefine the relationship.
Sit down and have a conversation with him about what both of you want from the relationship. Are you looking for something casual or more committed? What does he envision for the two of you?
Be sure to share your personal expectations, boundaries, and hopes for the future as well. It’s important that you’re both on the same page about what you want from each other.
By hashing out these details, you’ll be able to determine if your relationship is worth continuing or not. Make sure not to become attached to any specific outcome and be willing to compromise in order to keep the relationship going.
12. Try Couple’s Therapy
Sometimes, in order to connect with emotionally unavailable men, you need to address the deeper issues.
If your man is unable or unwilling to open up about his feelings and work through any of these barriers, then consider seeing a therapist together as a couple. This will allow both of you to get some outside help and guidance in order to resolve any issues that are preventing you from having a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Couple’s therapy can be incredibly helpful in restoring communication, trust, and intimacy in a relationship. It can also help to identify any patterns or behaviors that are contributing to the problem.
If you’re feeling stuck, then couple’s therapy may be the answer that you’re looking for. In order to find the right fit for the two of you, start by asking friends or family members for referrals.
You can also research therapists that are trained to support clients with specific issues and goals such as intimacy, communication, and resolving conflict.
Some additional options beyond the traditional therapeutic approach include couple’s courses, books, coaching, and workshops.
These approaches may be more realistic if you don’t have the time or money to invest in private therapy sessions.
Make sure to focus on communication issues with your therapist and work on creating healthier and more intimate relationships.
13. Share Your Personal Feelings
Sometimes an emotionally unavailable man is just waiting for you to open up more to him so that he can feel comfortable with sharing his own feelings.
When you share your personal feelings and experiences with him, it can help to create a deeper connection between the two of you.
He’ll start to see that you’re someone he can trust and rely on for support.
There are many ways that you can share more and express more vulnerability in the relationship.
Some examples include sharing your thoughts and feelings in a handwritten letter, telling stories from your childhood, or even just sending him a text message that says “I love you.”
It also helps to be more honest about your feelings in general. For example, instead of getting quiet and resentful when he cancels plans again, be honest about how that makes you feel.
Expressing your true emotions can help to create more intimacy in the relationship and open up communication between the two of you.
It may take some time, but eventually, he’ll begin to open up as well. Just make sure that you’re patient and don’t push him too hard.
14. Take a Break From the Relationship
Sometimes, in order to connect with an emotionally unavailable man, you need to take a break from the relationship.
When his feelings are preventing him from being able to fully commit or open up about what he’s feeling, it may be best for both of you if you spend some time apart.
This will give him the opportunity to reflect on what he wants and how he feels about the relationship.
It will also give you some time to reassess your own feelings and determine if this is a relationship that you want to continue investing in.
If you decide to take a break, make sure that you communicate this decision with him clearly. Let him know that you still care about him and that you want to work things out, but that you need some time apart to figure things out.
Taking a break can look like a lot of different things. There is no wrong answer, as long as you’re both on the same page. You can take a night off, a day off, or even a few weeks or months off.
If you want to check in with each other during the break, make sure to set some ground rules first. This will help to avoid any misunderstandings or hurt feelings.
Afterward, set some time aside for the two of you to talk and reevaluate the relationship. You may be surprised to find that your emotionally unavailable man will let his emotional walls down and open up after the break.
15. Make a Major Change in the Relationship
Sometimes, an emotionally unavailable man is just waiting for you to make a major change in the relationship so that he has more of an incentive to invest.
When it seems like he’s not willing to put much effort into committing or making things work, consider changing up your living situation.
For example, if you’ve been dating for a while and he still hasn’t moved in with you, consider moving in with him instead.
Or, if you’re always the one who ends up doing all the cooking and cleaning, start expecting him to help out more around the house.
Making a major change can be a sign that you’re serious about the relationship and that you’re ready for things to move forward. This will make an emotionally unavailable man fall for you even more because he’ll think that you’re the one who’s really committed to making things work.
16. Add Humor To the Relationship
When you’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, it can be easy to get caught up and lose sight of what the two of you initially found so amusing.
The best thing that you can do is add humor back into your interactions together. This will make him feel like he’s falling for someone new again because he’ll see you in a new light.
One way to add humor is by sharing your best jokes with each other and laughing together. Another option is to make fun of the situations that you find yourselves in together, like if he’s having trouble or doing something silly.
Humor can help you bond over challenging times together and strengthen your emotional connection as well. It’s been proven that laughter releases endorphins that will make you both feel good on a physical level, which can be an additional source of connection between the two of you.
If you both need a humorous pickup, go to a comedy show, put on one of your favorite comedies, or read jokes to each other. The more you can laugh together, the better! This can lighten the situation and help your emotionally unavailable man to open up emotionally.
17. Be Yourself
One of the best things that you can do in any relationship, but especially with an emotionally unavailable man, is to just be yourself.
Don’t try to put on a show or pretend to be someone that you’re not. This will only lead to frustration and disappointment on both of your parts.
The more genuine and authentic you are, the more likely it is that he will eventually let down his guard and open up to you.
Being yourself also means communicating openly and honestly with him, even if it’s difficult to do so. This includes sharing your thoughts, feelings, and fears with him – even if he doesn’t always react in a positive way.
Some ways that you can develop self esteem and be yourself are by journaling, spending time in nature, and practicing meditation or mindfulness. When you’re feeling good about who you are, it will be easier for him to see the real you too.
It’s a very natural male instinct to want to emotionally connect with a woman who is being authentic. This is because being yourself helps him to feel safe around you and allows for a deeper emotional connection where he’ll be more willing to open up about his feelings in return.
18. Let Him Have His Own Life
It’s very common for women to become possessive and controlling when they’re in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man, especially if he has commitment issues.
If you find yourself wanting more of his time or trying to control how he spends his spare moments outside of the two of you, it could be because you fear losing him like many others have in the past.
The best thing that you can do is to let him have his own life, even if it’s without you. This doesn’t mean that you have to completely distance yourself from him, but it does mean that you should give him some space.
This will show him that you’re not clingy or desperate and that you respect his space and feelings. When he sees this, it will make him more likely to open up emotionally with you because he’ll feel like you’re not going to get rid of him when the going gets tough.
Another option is to try spending time apart from each other at least once or twice a week so that your bond isn’t so strong on a day-to-day basis. This will help you both to have your own hobbies, interests, and social lives that are separate from one another.
Having his own life is not only good for the two of you emotionally but it’s also great for keeping him interested in being with you too because he’ll be less likely to feel smothered.
19. Let Him Take the Lead
In order to emotionally connect with an emotionally unavailable man, it’s important that you let him take the lead.
This means that you shouldn’t be the one who is always initiating conversations or trying to make plans. He should be the one who is doing most of the work when it comes to reaching out and connecting with you.
When he takes the lead, it shows that he’s interested in you and wants to spend time with you. It also helps him to feel like he’s in control of the relationship which can be a big deal for an emotionally unavailable man.
If you’re always the one who is pushing things forward, it will only make him more resistant to opening up emotionally because he’ll feel like he’s not in control. This can also be interpreted as you being too needy or dependent on him which is definitely something that he will want to avoid.
If you’re also a dominant person in your other relationships, it will be even more important for you to let him take the lead with this emotionally unavailable man. This is because a dominant personality can intimidate and overwhelm an emotionally unavailable person who just wants someone who is easy-going and laid back.
Some ways you can let go of controlling the relationship is by letting him make plans, initiating some of the conversations, and talking about your feelings first. This will allow you to see if he’s interested in what you have to say or how you’re feeling without putting too much pressure on yourself as well.
20. Seek Support From Friends and Family
If you’re finding it difficult to emotionally connect with an emotionally unavailable man, it can be helpful to talk to your friends and family about the situation.
They may be able to provide some insight or advice on how to make things work between the two of you. Additionally, they can help keep you grounded and remind you that this man is not the only person you have in your life.
Since an emotionally unavailable man tends to be withdrawn and hard-to-read, it can be easy for him to make you feel like he’s all you need. This is why talking with others about what’s going on will help prevent this from happening because they’ll remind you that there are other people out there who are just as important in your life.
Some things that you can discuss with your family and friends are how the two of you met, what he’s like when he’s not around other people, if he seems emotionally distant or depressed at any point during the day/week/month, etc.
Knowing more about his behavior patterns and how he interacts with other people can help you to understand him better and make more progress in connecting emotionally.
If you’re in a more serious relationship, it may be appropriate to reach out to your man’s family and friends as well. Make sure that doing this isn’t a breach of his trust though and that you’re not overstepping your boundaries.
This can be helpful in seeing if his family or friends have noticed anything unusual about the two of you being together as well as finding out more about who he really is underneath all of those walls he’s built up around him.
21. Ask To Have Your Needs Met
When trying to emotionally connect with an emotionally unavailable man, it’s important that you’re able to ask for your needs to be met.
If he doesn’t know what you need or you expect him to just automatically figure this out on his own, there will always be issues between the two of you because he won’t feel like he can meet your needs.
Some things you can ask for are more quality time together, for him to be more open and communicative with you, and wanting to spend less time focusing on work or other activities.
It’s important that you’re specific when asking for your needs to be met because this will make it easier for him to understand what you’re trying to get out of the relationship.
Asking for your needs can also be helpful in showing him that you need more than just a casual hookup because he’ll see how emotionally invested you are and may feel guilty or obligated to give you what you want even if it’s something he doesn’t really want himself.
This direct approach helps you to make sure you’re not falling for the wrong guy. If you’re wondering why emotionally unavailable men act the way they do, you can use this information to avoid getting into a relationship with someone who will only hurt and disappoint you.
22. Don’t Play Games
Sometimes an emotionally unavailable man struggles to connect emotionally because they have been burned by a woman who was playing games in the relationship. He may have developed emotional barriers as a way to protect himself from getting hurt again in the future.
Take a moment to consider if you have been playing games with him in the relationship.
Do you only text him when you’re bored? Do you send him mixed messages by telling him that he’s special and then not wanting to spend more time with him outside of hooking up or sex? Or do you tend to avoid initiating conversations, acting like everything is fine when it isn’t, or never asking him out on dates?
These are all signs that you may be playing games with him and if he’s an emotionally unavailable man, this is something he will not appreciate.
If you’re unsure whether or not you’ve been playing relationship games, talk to your friends and family about it. They can give you an outside perspective on the relationship and may be able to see things that you’re not seeing.
If you do realize that you’ve played games, stop immediately and apologize. This will show him that you’re serious about wanting to connect emotionally with him and that you’re willing to put in the effort required for a healthy relationship.
23. Make an Emotionally Unavailable Man Miss You
Sometimes, the only way to make an emotionally unavailable man want a relationship is by making him miss you.
Some ways that you can do this are by taking some time for yourself and not always being available to him. This could mean going out with your friends more, focusing on your own goals and dreams, or even dating other people.
When you’re emotionally unavailable man realizes that he’s missing out on what he has with you, it may be the push needed to make this man fall in love with you and initiate a serious conversation about his feelings.
This can create a more stable relationship over time and helps to avoid putting pressure on the relationship by letting him know from the start that you’re willing to take the space needed to make it work.
24. Help Him Improve His Low Self Esteem
Perhaps your man’s emotional unavailability is stemming from low self-esteem.
Some things you can do to help him improve his self esteem are by being a positive force in his life, complimenting him often, and being there for him when he needs you.
If you can make him feel good about himself, it will be easier for him to connect emotionally with others. You can also lead by example and show him that you’re confident and content in your own skin, which can help him to feel better about himself over time.
25. Know When to Give Up
If you’ve been in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable man for some time and have tried to get him to open up, but it hasn’t worked, then perhaps this is not the right guy for you.
It’s better for your emotional health if you let go of someone who doesn’t want what you do rather than waste years on a man who will never want to be more than friends.
Keep an eye out for red flags that may have been present from the beginning of the relationship. If he was never really available to you emotionally, then it’s only a matter of time till you need to move on.
There are plenty of other fish in the sea and you deserve to be with someone who wants a loving relationship just as much as you do.
Only you can decide when it’s time to give up on an emotionally unavailable man. Listen to your intuition and do what’s best for you.
Signs That Your Man Is Emotionally Unavailable
The first step to achieving emotional intimacy with your man is by learning how to notice when he is emotionally unavailable. Emotionally unavailable people exhibit the following behaviors:
He’s Quiet During Conversations
If your man is emotionally unavailable, he may be quiet during conversations and not reveal much about himself. He might give monosyllabic responses or only speak when asked a question directly.
He Makes Excuses Not to Meet You Halfway
Does it feel like you’re always the one making an effort in the relationship? An emotionally unavailable man will often make excuses not to meet you halfway. He might say he’s too busy or that he’s not feeling well. These excuses are clear red flags in the relationship.
He Avoids Physical Contact
A man who is emotionally unavailable will often avoid physical contact, such as hugging, kissing, or hand-holding. This could be a sign that he doesn’t want to get too close to you emotionally.
He Doesn’t Share His Emotions or Feelings
If your man never shares his emotions or feelings, this is a sign that he’s not comfortable opening up to you. He might be afraid of getting hurt or being vulnerable.
He Doesn’t Want to Spend Time With You Alone
If your man doesn’t want to spend time with you alone, it could be because he’s not ready to get emotionally close to you. He might feel more comfortable being around other people and not be ready for a one-on-one connection with you.
He’s Always Busy
If your man is always busy, it’s likely that he doesn’t have enough time for a relationship. An emotionally unavailable man will often make excuses to avoid spending time with you.
Can You Fix an Emotionally Unavailable Man?
It’s important to remember that you can’t fix an emotionally unavailable man. If he doesn’t want to change or open up, then there’s not much you can do to make him more available emotionally.
You can, however, take steps to support him in developing himself emotionally and letting down his emotional walls. The techniques mentioned above can help to open him up and form a deeper emotional connection.
Emotional compatibility takes two people at the end of the day. Both parties will need to work towards a more intimate relationship for it to succeed.
How Do You Walk Away From an Emotionally Unavailable Person?
The decision to walk away from an emotionally unavailable person can be difficult, but it’s often the best thing for both parties. If you’ve tried everything and he still doesn’t want to change, then it might be time to move on.
There are a few things you can do to make the process easier:
Talk to Him About It
If you’re feeling frustrated or hurt by your man’s emotional unavailability, talk to him about it. Let him know how his actions are affecting you and see if he’s willing to work on the relationship. This can help you to decide if it’s worth staying or if it’s time to walk away.
Create a List of Pros and Cons
If you’re having trouble making a decision, create a list of pros and cons. This will help you to see things more clearly and make a decision that is best for your emotional needs.
Make sure to take into account your own needs and feelings in this decision. Walking away from an emotionally unavailable person is not easy, but it’s often the best thing for both of you.
Take Time Apart From Each Other
If you’re struggling with the relationship, take some time apart from each other. This will allow both of you to reflect on what’s important and then reconnect in the future when he’s ready to open up emotionally.
Ending a relationship is never easy, but it’s often the best thing for both parties involved. If your man is emotionally unavailable, be honest with yourself about how he’s affecting your emotional wellbeing. Talk to him about it and see if he’s willing to work on the relationship. If not, then it might be time to move on.