It may be hard to tell where a guy stands in a relationship. Don’t worry, we’re here to help
Here are some ways to ask him what he is looking for:
How to Ask a Guy What He is Looking For
1. “Do You Have Feelings for Anyone Else?”
If you’ve just met a guy for the first time and don’t have much context on him, you may not even know if he’s single! Even if he’s being flirtatious, don’t make assumptions. He may be in a relationship, dating around, or may still be getting over a break-up.
If he’s willing to tell you where he’s at, this can help you to assess if he’s available at the present moment, let alone long term.
2. “What Is Your Dream Girl Like?”
This is another great question for the earlier stages of dating. He may tell you things that are very specific or general, but either way, it can give you a better idea of how he sees someone in his life and if there is room for anyone else to fit into this picture!
If your guy gives vague answers about what kind of girl he likes, don’t be afraid to ask him follow-up questions. He should have fun with this conversation since it isn’t about a specific ex or previous relationship that may be awkward to discuss.
3. “What’s the Longest Relationship You’ve Ever Had?”
This question helps you to understand how he may approach relationships in the future. He may give an answer such as, “I’ve had a number of long-term relationships and I don’t plan on getting married anytime soon!”
He might also tell you that they were only about six months each or less; this lets you know that he doesn’t have a track record for staying committed.
4. “Is Marriage (Or Children) In Your Future?”
This is another question that could let you know where he stands in terms of long-term dating. He may tell you, “I’m still young so I don’t think about things like marriage too much!”
If this isn’t something that’s on his mind right now, but it could be later down the line for him, he may answer, “I’ve found that if you find the right person, it’s something to think about!”
He could also tell you that he has no plans for marriage and/or kids in his life because these things aren’t important to him. Knowing what a guy is looking for can help guide any relationship decisions you may be thinking about taking down the line.
5. “Where Are You at Right Now?”
Some men can feel pressured by answering heavy questions about their past or big questions about the future. The best way to deal with this is by checking in with him in the here and now.
You can ask this question in different ways, such as by asking how he has been feeling lately or asking if he has been satisfied with his current relationship situation.
This is a great question to ask if you’re in the earlier stages of dating and don’t want to get too serious all at once. It also shows him that your focus isn’t on his deep history or what he wants for five or ten years from now; it’s more about how things are right at this moment between you.
6. “Do You Know a Lot of People in Relationships?”
The people surrounding us say a lot about our actions, lifestyles, and belief systems. If you’re dating a guy and all of his friends are married with children, then he likely feels a desire (or at least pressure) to accomplish these things in life as well.
Make sure to ask about his closest friends, his coworkers, and family members. These are the people who have the biggest influence on him and his future.
7. “What Are Your Current Priorities?”
This question is great because it helps to set the tone for future conversations. If he says, “I’m not sure I know what you mean!” or seems surprised that you asked him about his goals in life, then he likely has no idea where things are headed long term. This likely means that he isn’t in a position to prioritize a relationship.
On the other hand, if he has a clear sense of his priorities and mentions that finding the right relationship is one of them, then he is more likely to be open to a serious relationship.
8. “What Does an Ideal Life Look Like for You?”
If you don’t want to ask your guy specifically about an ideal partner, you can always ask him what his other dreams and goals are. If you’re looking for a family man, then ask him what kind of lifestyle and atmosphere he wants to provide for future children.
Just make sure not to guide him too much in the conversation towards talking about relationships if he is more excited about other topics. Let him have the space to talk about the things that are important to him.
9. “How Do You Feel About Me?”
It can be helpful to know what a man is looking for in general, but it’s much more clarifying to know how he feels about you in particular.
What makes you special or different from the women he has dated in the past? The answers to these questions can help you to gauge how serious he is in the relationship.
If you’re wondering whether a guy is interested in pursuing something more serious with you, this question can be helpful.
It’s also great to ask if things aren’t going as well as they should and if there are any red flags that have been concerning him.
10. “Do You Think We Have a Future?”
Taking the previous question one step further, you can ask him what his thoughts are on the future of the relationship.
If you’re in a casual dating situation and not feeling like things will progress into something deeper, then this question is helpful because it gives you an idea if he feels that same way or wants something more serious to happen between the two of you.
This question can be overwhelming, and may also be difficult to answer in person if he isn’t interested in moving forward with you for the long term. Give some space for him to think about this question and get back to you about it in a day or two.
But if he takes longer than that or avoids the question altogether, it’s a red flag that he isn’t interested in pursuing something more serious with you.
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