DATE AT AN EXPERT LEVEL
Going out for lunch with a guy you like can be a casual but effective way to spend time together and get to know each other as people. But if he’s not asking you, or you’re ready to take the first step, it is vital to know a few simple ways to ask your guy how to lunch. So we brainstormed a few ideas and think these should help make this experience a bit more streamlined and effective for you.
How to Ask a Guy Out for Lunch
Text If You Feel Uncomfortable
Today’s modern dating world is so uber-connected digitally that it can be hard to feel comfortable interacting with your guy in any other way. If you’re still mostly texting and not spending a lot of time together (i.e., feeling out each other’s interest), a text is a great no-pressure way to ask him to lunch.
Try to pick a time that’s close to lunch but not too close. For example, an hour or two before lunch (say, around 10:00) is a good idea. This gives him time to answer your text, make plans with you, and figure out where to go. It also lets you tend to your work or school schedule reasonably quickly. Try to say things like:
- “Hey, are you busy? I’m hungry and could use some company!”
- “I’m going to get lunch soon. Want to join me?”
- “I’m on your side of town for the afternoon! Want to grab a bite to eat?”
Texting is also nice because you can let the invitation sit without expecting an immediate answer. Don’t let texting impatience drive you up the wall! Everybody wants an answer right now, of course, but that’s not always possible. So take it with a grain of salt if it doesn’t answer back immediately.
Just as importantly, don’t feel rejected if you can’t get together with you that day. Instead, read his text to see how he responds. Does he suggest another day? Or seem genuinely upset? Reading this information can make it easier to ask him out the next time.
Bring Up a Fun New Lunch Destination
New restaurants open up all the time and always attract new clientele. They also provide you with a perfect pretext for asking your guy out to lunch. Pitch the situation casually, letting him know there’s a new restaurant in town that you’re interested in checking out.
Bring it up in everyday conversation and mention that you’re thinking of going there either that day or in the next couple of days. Sometimes, you’ll find a guy who’s so excited about hanging out with you that he practically asks himself to join you. That’s a perfect win-win for both of you. Here’s a few ways to ask if he’s shy:
- “Did you hear that they opened up a new pizza shop? Let’s check it out!”
- “If you love Chinese food, I’ve heard this new spot in town is great!”
- “I’m gonna check out this new bagel shop downtown, want to go?”
- “If you’re not busy, let’s have an adventure checking out the new taco food truck!”
Take the Lead for a More Aggressive Approach
Here’s a fun idea if you’re confident or can at least put up a good show of confidence. Please don’t ask him out for lunch but tell him that you’re going out together. This bold approach takes a lightness of touch, wit, and a flirty attitude. Bat your eyes and wink when you say things like:
- “So, when are you going to be the lucky guy to take me out to lunch?”
- “We’re getting together for lunch tomorrow. Put it on your planner!”
- “I’m taking you out to lunch tomorrow, my treat. Thank me later!”
- “Let’s stop dilly-dallying and just go out for lunch already!”
- “Do you like Chinese (or whatever food you want)? Good because we’re having it tomorrow.”
Many men often appreciate this kind of upbeat and upfront approach. Simply put, they enjoy you taking responsibility for setting the date up out of their hands. There’s no guesswork here: they know you’re interested and appreciate that you asked them out.
This step can backfire, of course. Some guys have that macho assurance that makes it harder for them to accept an aggressive woman. But, honestly, if you try this approach, and it doesn’t work, he probably wasn’t the right guy for you anyway. So you’re better off without!
Ask For Advice: and Do Lunch Together
Men often love being problem solvers and want to be seen as the standup guy who will be there for you, no matter what. So here’s a clever little way to play into that sensibility and get him out to lunch. Tell him that you need his advice on something and ask to meet up sometime soon for lunch. Here’s a few things to say:
- “I’ve been having a rough day today. Can you get lunch with me?”
- “Can you help me figure something out today?”
- “If I buy you lunch, can you give me some advice about dealing with someone at work?”
Don’t fake a problem just to get his attention, though. You, like most people, probably have a few things you want to get off your chest. Asking him out in this way shows that you trust him with this information. It can also help get some things off your chest as well.
Use an Out-of-Context Icebreaker
Don’t let anxiety or fear push you into making an awkward attempt at asking out your guy. Instead, slide your lunch invitation casually into everyday conversation. It’s easier than you might think. While you’re talking about something that you both like or enjoy, please wait for a natural lull or pause and ask him to lunch. Here’s an example of how you can take this approach:
- You: “Yeah, that new episode of Walking Dead was great!”
- Him: “Right? I can’t believe that they went there with it.”
- You: “Absolutely! Wow, I just got a craving for some pizza.”
- Him: “Oh yeah? I love pizza!”
- You: “Naturally! Let’s go out and get some for lunch!”
- Him: “Brilliant!”
That kind of subtle and fun exchange helps to make asking out your guy much more accessible. Rather than trying to make it seem forced or official, you can make it seem fun, outgoing, and casual. That doesn’t mean that it has to be a meaningless experience. When done right, it can be used to build stronger emotional bonds and learn more about your guy.
Just Ask: It’s Easier Than You’d Think
Lastly, you might want to consider just straight up asking him to go out to lunch. It sounds so simple when we put it that way, doesn’t it? Well, that’s the secret about this situation: it is straightforward. But, unfortunately, that’s not how the brain and our emotions view it. They make things very complex indeed.
How can you approach this situation? Either text him or ask him in person:
- “Do you want to get lunch tomorrow?”
- “Hey, let’s get lunch today. I’m buying.”
- “We’ve been flirting awhile, let’s just do this.”
- “I would love to see you for lunch this afternoon.”
That’s all you have to do here! Does that seem dull or uninspired? Do you think you need to do something dazzling to catch his attention and keep it? If he wants to go out with you, you’ve already got his attention.
Is It OK to Ask a Guy to Lunch?
Old-fashioned dating rules may dictate that the guy ask the girl out for a date first. But those guidelines are disappearing all the time. These days, it’s perfectly acceptable and even preferable for a woman to ask a guy out to lunch first. Many men appreciate a woman who takes the first step.
That does depend on the type of guy you want to date. After all, some men do have a more traditional approach and may feel “emasculated” if you ask them out first. It’s best to gauge your guy’s dating ideas before asking him out to ensure that you don’t run into an awkward situation.
You Got This!
Asking your guy out for lunch is a perfect icebreaker and a fun way to get to know him better. Beyond that, it could open you up to unique experiences together, such as fun adventures, attractive new dining options, and much more. All it takes is a little bravery and the willingness to put yourself out there.