DATE AT AN EXPERT LEVEL
Asking a guy his intentions can be scary. Since it’s your time & emotional energy, it is best to get answers as soon as possible.
You can ask a guy what his intentions are, either indirectly or directly, using some specific questions designed to figure out how he feels. The way he reacts and what he says will give you a good indication of what he wants. It is important to remain non-judgmental and respectful while asking.
We have put together the ultimate list of 11 questions you can ask your guy to find out his intentions.
How To Ask A Guy What His Intentions Are
1. What are your intentions with me?
Don’t be afraid to be direct, blunt, and honest about your needs, desires, and goals. This is the surest way to find out the answers you are looking for.
“I really like spending time with you. I am wondering what it is exactly you are looking for?”
When you ask this question, make sure to be non-judgemental and open to listening. Let him answer first and don’t interrupt until he is done talking.
Don’t lead with, “I’m looking for a serious relationship, are you?”
Listen to what your guy says, and see if he is genuine or uncomfortable while answering. You will be able to tell his true feelings based on the way he responds.
2. Are you seeing other girls, should I be seeing other guys?
This is a great question to ask. This shows your guy that if he isn’t serious, and he is seeing other people, you will too.
Most guys want their girls to be exclusive, even if they are seeing other girls. Since you mention seeing other guys, you are showing “walk-away power.” This will make your guy value and appreciate you more.
You are showing that you will not put up with nonsense. If this is not an exclusive relationship, it is fine, you will act accordingly.
3. Do you have any long-term goals?
When you ask a guy about his future you are implying that you would possibly like to be in it. It is sort of like, you are interviewing him. This is a good question to ask.
His response will tell you a lot about where his head is at. If he has no goals you can tell he is just playing around and not that serious.
If he mentions marriage or anything relationship related, this is good, it means it is on his radar.
If he talks mostly about his career and other life goals and doesn’t mention family or relationships, he might not yet be thinking about settling down.
4. Do you hope to get married someday?
This is another terrific direct question. Don’t beat around the bush, be clear and honest about what you are looking for.
If he says “I’m not sure,” or “I don’t know,” he is clearly not that serious about your relationship. This is a good opportunity to weed out guys who don’t believe in marriage.
5. What’s important to you in life?
Asking a guy about his values is an excellent way to find out his intentions. If you value family, friends, vacations, and experiences you want your guy to feel the same.
If he is most interested in partying with his buddies and getting a promotion at work, you have your answer.
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6. Are most of your friends single or married?
Studies have indicated that men who spend a lot of time with other single men are less likely to be looking for a marriage or long-term relationships.
Alternatively, if a man has a large friend group that includes a lot of couples, it’s a good sign that he would likely someday have his own special relationship.
7. When do you feel someone is ready for marriage?
This is a leading question. It is good to ask because it hints at what’s on your mind. From his response you will get a pretty good feel for where he is at.
If he says something like “when it feels right,” that is good. It means he is open to marriage with the right person.
If he says something like “that seems very far in the future,” you know he is not that serious, at least at this point.
8. Do you see us together in the future?
When you ask this question, make sure your guy feels safe to say what he feels, no matter what. This is the only way to ensure his honesty.
If your guy says “yes” or “maybe,” you are good to go. If he doesn’t want to discuss this topic, it means he is not that serious about your relationship.
Avoidance of a topic is a bad sign, in general. In a healthy relationship you should be able to discuss anything and everything.
9. Do you have any relationship deal breakers?
This is a great question. Perhaps he doesn’t like your religion and could never end up with you because of it. Here is an opportunity to find out if you are wasting your time.
This question is also good to find out what to avoid. If he says, “I don’t like when my girlfriend is friends with other guys,” you can make an informed decision about the relationship.
If all your best friends are guys, and that is not going to change, clearly he is not for you. Or, you might really like this guy and hang out less with your guy friends.
10. Do you want kids someday?
This is a great question to find out where your guy’s head is at. If he says “no” and you definitely want kids, maybe he is not for you.
“No, I just don’t see kids in my future.”
If he says “yes,” then at least you know you are on the same page.
“Yes, one day it would be great to have 2 kids and a dog.”
If he doesn’t want to have this conversation, then he is most likely not that serious about you.
“I’m not really sure, do we have to discuss this now?”
11. Name one quality in a girl that is important to you?
This question will make him think. Hopefully he names one of your qualities. If he does, that is great.
If he names a quality you don’t have, perhaps you are not the one for him. Or perhaps maybe it is something you can work on.
“I’m into girls who workout.”
If you don’t workout, maybe it is something you could get into. Or possibly it will tell you that the guy isn’t for you.
How to Ask a Man What His Intentions Are?
Always keep your tone inquisitive and curious, not accusatory and defensive. Let him speak and hear him out, even if you don’t like what he is saying.
A guy needs to feel safe when opening up about his feelings and your relationship, or he will not address it at all. Choose one or a few of the questions above.
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Frequently Asked Questions
When you ask these questions, make sure your guy feels safe to open up and say what he feels, no matter what. This is the only way to ensure his honesty.
Is It Okay to Ask a Guy What His Intentions Are?
Yes it is. Make sure to wait until you are dating for a little while and hanging out more than 3 times per week.
At this point it is perfectly normal for you to ask his intentions.
How Do You Tell What a Guy’s Intentions Are?
Actions speak louder than words. Usually deep down you know. Ask him using any or all of the questions listed above.
How Do You Know if a Guy Wants a Relationship or Just a Fling?
You will know if a guy wants a relationship or just a fling based on how he answers your questions. If he is open and sincere, he probably wants a relationship.
If he doesn’t want to talk about such topics, he probably just wants a fling.
How Soon Should You Ask a Guy About His Intentions?
You can ask a guy about his intentions at any time. A really good question in the beginning is “Are you seeing other girls, should I be seeing other guys?”
This does not put him on the spot. It simply shows that if he isn’t serious, that is fine, you won’t be either.
If you are spending most of your time together, and have met each other’s friends and family, this is a good time to ask him his intentions.
More Info: HuffPost
It’s ok to let your relationship build naturally. Generally when a man knows what he wants, he will often be the one to ask these questions.
When you feel like you need to know if this relationship is going somewhere or if it is a waste of time, ask your guy what his intentions are.