How to Ask a Guy About His Intentions Without Scaring Him (7 Ways)

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Wondering how to ask a guy about his intentions without scaring him? You’ve come to the right place. Here are 7 questions you can ask him along with everything else you need to know about broaching the subject. Let’s get started!

Questions to Ask a Guy About His Intentions Without Scaring Him

One of the challenges with finding out what a guy’s intentions are is that you don’t want to scare him away. No one likes to feel pinned down, especially early in a relationship.

However, people don’t like to be in the dark about where they stand with a man with whom they’re interested in forging a long-term relationship. Below, we have listed some questions that will give you insight into where a guy’s head is without coming across as pushy.

1. What are you looking for at the moment?

This question seems scary at first glance, but it’s actually an excellent first-date question. People feel more comfortable being honest on the first date because they’re not invested in the person sitting across from them.

When you ask this question, make sure you’re being open and non-threatening. Also, let him answer first. You definitely don’t want to lead with something like, “I’m looking for a serious relationship, are you?”

2. What is the number one priority in your life?

When you ask this question, it will usually come across as completely non-threatening. People love to answer questions about themselves that come across as being a genuine curiosity.

With this question, you can find out what he most values. If he says family and relationships, you will know that he values the people in his life.

Once he answers this question, follow his response with another question: “Why?”

3. Describe where you see yourself in five years.

While not exactly a question, this statement prompts both of you to start talking more about the future. It doesn’t come across as anything but an interesting conversation prompt.

His responses to this topic will tell you a lot about where his head is in terms of what he’s looking for in a relationship. If his answers are mostly about his career, travel plans, or other life goals that don’t include marriage and family, it’s a good indication that he’s not yet thinking about long-term settling down.

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4. Do you see yourself getting married someday?

When you ask this question, it’s not exactly subtle. However, you can clarify that you’re not asking because you’re eager to tie him down. Rather, explain that you’re just getting to know him and how he sees his own life playing out.

The key to asking this question effectively is to be genuinely frank about why you’re asking it. Otherwise, a guy can start to feel uncomfortable and get a bit cagey. Who wouldn’t?

5. Do you want a partner to commit to you?

This is an excellent way to ask a guy what his intentions are because the question is asking him what he wants in a relationship instead of projecting your own needs into the conversation.

The fact is, if he doesn’t want someone to commit to him, it means that he doesn’t want to commit to someone else.

6. Are most of your friends singled or coupled up?

Studies have indicated that men who spend a lot of their time with other single men are less likely to be looking for a marriage or long-term relationship.

Alternatively, if a man has a large friend group that includes a lot of couples, it’s a good sign that he would like to someday have his own special relationship.

7. When do you feel someone is ready for marriage?

This is a good question to ask when you’re having a frank conversation about marriage and relationships, particularly those involving other people?

Your guy may realize that you’re asking so that you understand where he is. However, if this topic comes up when you’re discussing someone else’s relationship, he may be willing to honestly answer it.

What’s the Best Way to Directly Ask a Guy What His Intentions Are?

What if you’re ready to just gracefully but directly confront your guy about what his intentions are?

Have you been in a relationship with a man for a while, but the relationship doesn’t seem to be moving forward? It may be time to assert your own intentions and find out what your guy’s intentions are.

The questions in the previous section are more subtle, but if you want to stop beating around the bush, here are your go-to questions to find out once and for all what a guy’s intentions are.

Do your long-term plans include me?

At some point, you may have to directly ask a man if you’re a part of his long-term plans. When you ask this question, you are more likely to get a fully honest answer if you make it clear that there is actually no wrong answer.

Most people aren’t in the dating game to hurt other people. If they are honestly asked about their long-term plans with you, they will answer honestly if they feel safe answering.

Where do you see our relationship going in the future?

If he answered affirmatively to your question about whether or not his long-term plans include you, it’s a good next step to ask exactly where he sees your relationship going.

Believe it or not, some people want a long-term relationship but aren’t necessarily interested in marriage. Many folks see a marriage license as “just a piece of paper.” If your guy is of this line of thinking, you need to know that.

What do you want from our relationship?

There is no more direct way than this to get down to the nitty-gritty. If a man is looking for a partner for shared adventures, he may be a wonderful companion but not necessarily a man who is ready for marriage or long-term commitments.

On the other hand, when you do decide to commit to a relationship full-time, having someone who shares your love for similar adventures is the ideal scenario.

How Soon Should You Ask a Guy About His Intentions?

There isn’t a definite answer to this question. For some couples, love and passion are apparent early in the relationship. However, other couples are experiencing more of a “slow burn.”

There are a few indicators that it may be time to ask a guy about his intentions.

  • The “L word” is being tossed around by both of you
  • You know where you stand as a priority in his life
  • The two of you are spending most of your time together by default
  • If you have met each others’ close friends and family
  • You have moved in together

Also, when to ask this question depends largely on your own timeline. If you’re eager to settle down and start a family, the time is right to assert yourself and find out what your guy’s intentions are.

On the other hand, if you’re happy just enjoying the relationship, it’s OK to just let things build naturally. One thing you will find is that when a man knows what he wants, he will often be the one to ask you these questions.