How to Ask a Guy About His Feelings Towards You (In-Person & via Text)

As Amazon Associates we earn from qualifying purchases. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission at no additional cost to you. This post may contain affiliate links. See our disclosure for full info.

Wondering how to ask a guy about his feelings towards you? In this guide, we’ll show you how to do it in-person and via text message, so you can get to the answers you’ve been seeking.

Let’s begin…

How to Ask a Guy to Talk About His Feelings in Person

There are many ways you can approach this conversation and help make a guy feel more comfortable with sharing. Here are some ideas for how you can bring up emotional conversations in person:

Share Your Own Feelings First

You can get the ball rolling by sharing how you feel, and what you want from him. This is a great way to build trust. He’ll see that you’re not afraid of being honest with your feelings. There’s nothing worse than someone who hides their emotions or tries to ignore important conversations!

You can say something like this:

“I feel like we’ve been growing closer lately and I want to make sure you’re comfortable with where things are going.”

Choose the Right Time and Place

couple in a cafe

Don’t bring up emotional conversations at the end of a big day. If he’s had a rough day, it will be difficult for him to open up and share his feelings. Speak with him when you have time alone together without any distractions or interruptions. This way, he will be able to focus on the conversation.

Make sure you have enough privacy so that you won’t be interrupted. If you’re in a public place, it might be difficult for him to open up about his feelings.

You can say something like this:

“It’s been a long day, why don’t we get some coffee and talk about things?”

Be Direct

Men don’t like acting as mindreaders, and if you’re indirect when asking them to share their feelings, they may not know how to react. Be clear with your intentions and expectations so that he can respond to your questions easily.

You can say something like this:

“I want to get to know you better and I think it’s important that we’re both open about our feelings.”

Be an Active Listener

couple holding hands

Active listening is a great way to encourage someone to open up. As you listen, nod your head or give nonverbal feedback that lets him know that you’re paying attention and taking in what he’s saying.

If the relationship is close enough, you can express your support by holding his hand or gently rubbing his back. This shows your affection for him, which can make it easier to open up.

You can say something like this:

“I’m really glad you told me what’s going on. I want to try and help and am always here to listen.”

Be Understanding

No matter how you approach the conversation or what he says in response, remember that this is a difficult discussion. You should always be understanding when someone opens themselves up to you. Save your opinions, solutions, and thoughts for another time. Instead, focus on making sure he feels heard and related to in the moment.

You can say something like this:

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. Thank you for trusting me with your feelings.”

VIDEO REVEALS: Secret 'Desire' text message that men are powerless to resist

Ask Good Questions

Don’t bombard him with questions and expect to get the information you want in one sitting. Instead, ask good open-ended questions that encourage his participation in the conversation.

You can say something like this:

“What was the moment when you first realized this?”

Show Gratitude and Appreciation

Another way to encourage emotional conversations is by showing your gratitude and appreciation for him. This means noticing his efforts, thanking him when he’s done something kind or considerate, and telling him how much you appreciate his presence in your life.

You can say something like this:

“Thank you for opening up to me. It really means a lot.”

How to Ask a Guy About His Feelings Through Text

If you’re not ready to confront the guy in person, you can write out your feelings and send them through text! Here are some tips:

Keep It Simple

Text communications are known for being easily misinterpreted. It’s easy to take things the wrong way or assume that your text messages have a different meaning than intended. Keep it simple and direct so there is less room for confusion.

You can text something like this:

“I’m just wondering how you feel about me. Are we going in the right direction?”

Make Sure He’s Available

woman texting in the park

If the person you want to talk to is in the middle of work, school, hanging out with friends, or doing something else important at the moment, it might not be a good time for this conversation. Make sure he’s in a quiet place and has enough time to respond before you begin writing your text message.

Take initiative and ask if he is available in your first text. If he’s free, let him know that you would like to chat for the next 10 to 15 minutes to make sure he knows to prioritize your conversation.

You can text something like this:

“Hey, are you available to talk for the next few minutes? I’d like to ask you something important. If not, let me know when is a good time for you.”

Avoid Cliches

Avoid using cliche phrases like “I’m feeling really down” or “I don’t want this.” He won’t be able to take your emotions seriously if you phrase them in a typical way. Instead, let him know exactly how you’re feeling using descriptive words so he knows the exact nature of your feelings towards him.

You can text something like this:

“I’m feeling really anxious around you. I just want to be sure that we’re on the same page.”

Listen First

Before you respond to his text message, take some time to let him send a couple more. This gives the guy a chance to express himself without feeling rushed or pressured by your response time. After he responds, be an active listener and give feedback that shows you’re paying attention and relate back to what he’s said.

You can text something like this:

“Okay, thanks for clarifying. I understand what you’re saying.”

Be Patient

shy couple

If you message him and initiate the conversation and don’t hear back from him right away, don’t message him again. Be patient and wait for his response by allowing several hours or days to pass before you reach out again.

If the conversations don’t go as planned, try not to take it personally! He might be struggling with opening up because he has trust issues that are affecting how willing he is to share himself fully. Just remember to be understanding and give him the time he needs to process what you’ve said.

You can text something like this:

“It’s been a while and I’m just checking in to see how you’re doing. Let’s chat soon!”

How to Ask a Guy if His Feelings Have Changed Towards

disappointed woman

Start off by checking in with him and making sure that he is in a neutral or positive mood.

Next, let him know that you’d like to have an open and honest conversation with him about how things are going between the two of you and if his feelings towards you have changed at all since last time. Be prepared for whatever answer he gives! Don’t try to direct the conversation or rush him to respond.

After you have discussed the situation and the feelings that were brought up during your conversation, take some time for yourself to process his response. Don’t make any decisions in the moment—let it sit for a while and then decide on how you want to proceed.

How to Tell if a Guy is Confused About his Feelings Towards You

Sometimes we may get mixed signals from a guy and not be sure how he feels about us. One of the best ways to clear the air is by having the courage to let him know how you feel about him. This can be done in person or through text message.

First, let him know that you have feelings for him and that you would like to see where they go. Then, ask him how he feels about you and what his thoughts are on the relationship.

If he acts confused or tells you that he doesn’t know how to answer the question, it’s likely because he is still processing what his feelings are towards you at that time.

Make sure to be patient and give it some time, but also keep in mind a “deadline” for when you would like to know the answer. For example, give him a week or two after your conversation and if he still can’t tell you how he feels, you can tell him that you need more mutuality or it’s time to move on.

How Do You Tell if a Guy is Fighting His Feelings?

woman hugging man

A guy may be fighting his feelings for you if he doesn’t give you enough attention, shows more interest in spending time with his friends or family than he does with you, or is always coming up with excuses for not hanging out.

You may also notice if he’s struggling with being affectionate and vulnerable while you’re out on a date together.

He may also take a “hot and cold” approach where he shows his feelings at certain times and withholds them at others. This will feel seemingly random and doesn’t make a lot of sense from the outside. However, it is a very clear indicator that he is struggling with his feelings on the inside.

If you notice that a guy is fighting his feelings, offering support is the best thing you can do. Let him know that you’re here for him and connect with him on an emotional level; this will make it easier to move forward.

Why Do Guys Lie If They Have Feelings Towards you?

It’s possible that if a guy is always making excuses or lying about his feelings, it’s because he is worried that you won’t reciprocate them. He may be avoiding getting hurt by leading you on or being afraid of what might happen if he shows his true feelings.

It’s also possible that a guy is lying to try and protect his ego. He might feel like he isn’t on the same page as you and this may cause him to lie about how interested in a relationship he actually is.

Regardless of the reason, it’s important to be honest and communicate your feelings towards him so that there isn’t any miscommunication or ambiguity about how you feel.

Final Thoughts

man hugging woman

When you are looking for answers about how a guy feels, whether it is in person or through text message, the best approach to emotional intimacy is often communication. When he shows mixed signals that seem confusing, be honest with him about your feelings.

If he’s not reciprocating your emotions like they should be (or even lying outright), don’t try to change his mind by trying to convince him otherwise—be patient. Give him the space to process his needs while staying aware of yours.

Having conversations that increase emotional literacy is important for self-awareness and intimacy. Although it may feel hard to share and ask your partner for the truth, it will strengthen your relationship as well as your self-confidence.