Men and women often have very different ideas about what constitutes “too much” texting. Although there are always exceptions to the rule, guys generally prefer to receive (and send) fewer texts than women do. Are you trying to figure out how much texting is too much to a guy, read on!
How Much Texting is Too Much for a Guy?
As mentioned, most men aren’t into texting quite as much as women are. They’ll touch base in order to check in, to verify that they’re picking up the right ingredients for dinner, or to say goodnight, etc. Most of them aren’t into lengthy text-based exchanges, so they’ll check out pretty quickly.
Of course, some guys like to have long, intense texting exchanges with women. They tend to be few and far between, however, with most guys preferring short blurbs now and then. They like to know that you’re thinking of them, or they’d like to exchange film/music/book recommendations, but texting back and forth for hours? Not so much.
Similarly, most men don’t like to receive texts when they’re at work, school, or engrossed in their personal pursuits. If you know that he hits the gym from 7-8 then works 9-5, try not to text more than once during those hours. Send off a text around lunchtime to touch base, and if/when he responds, wait until after work hours to reply.
The exception to this is if he texts you to ask if you want to get together after work. Then of course you should reply promptly.
How do I Know if I’m Texting Too Much?
Generally, by his response. For example, look at his responses after you’ve been texting back and forth for a while. Just like body language, texting responses can tell you a lot about how a guy is feeling. Let’s take a look at some solid clues that you’re venturing into over-texting land.
1. He’s Offering One-Word Replies
Has he stopped replying in full sentences, or are his texts way shorter than yours? If you’re receiving one-word answers or emojis every time you send him a text, that’s a good sign that he’s had enough. He’s still putting in a bit of effort to acknowledge that you’ve said something, but he doesn’t have the energy (or the interest) to send anything more than a basic response.
2. He Takes Ages to Reply
Are the gaps between responses getting longer and longer? Much like the previous point, if a guy’s texting tank is empty, he’ll go for longer periods of time without even looking at his phone, let alone picking it up.
3. He’s Letting the Conversation Drop
Is he expanding upon what you’re texting, and asking you questions? Or just commenting briefly on what you’ve said? If you’ve been discussing a topic and he doesn’t pick up the thread and continue with it, that’s a big sign right there. He’s either bored, or tired, or you’re demanding too much of his attention.
4. He Never Texts You First
Do you text him first thing in the morning? Or do you two alternate in that regard? Furthermore, do you find that you’re the one who’s always reaching out, and then waiting for him to respond? Those are huge signs that you’re overstepping boundaries and texting him too often. When and if he wants to talk to you, he’ll text. Leave the ball in his court and let him approach you: don’t harass the poor man.
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5. You’re Straight-Up Asked to Stop Texting So Much
Some guys really aren’t the most subtle in this regard. While some might try to err on the side of politesse, others will just tell you flat out that you’re texting them too much. If he tells you that he’s happy to hear from you, but he needs to focus on work/school/himself for a bit, that’s a nice way of saying that you’re being extra. Alternatively, if he tells you that you’re texting too much and it’s coming across as needy and demanding… well, there’s no room for misinterpretation there.
How Often Should You Text a Guy in the Beginning?
Just enough to let him know that you’re interested. A few texts per day is okay, but anything more than that might be construed as demanding and clingy. Most men prefer the thrill of the chase, and they like to pursue rather than be pursued. As such, they’d rather take point on contacting you, and will feel pressured or overwhelmed if you text too much.
If he doesn’t text you in the morning, wait until at least noon to send a hello. Even then, try to send a text that’s engaging or otherwise interesting, rather than just a “hi”.
Oh, and don’t ever follow up on unreplied texts with “???” or “I guess you’re busy doing something else LOL” or similar. That can imply that you’re impatient and insecure. Neither of you exists at one another’s convenience. If you text and he doesn’t reply for a while, then he’s doing other things. He has a life outside of sending texts, so just be patient. He’ll respond when he feels like reaching out, and will be more inclined to do so if he doesn’t feel pressured.
Guys’ Perspective on Texting
Different men will have varying ideas on how much texting is too much to a guy. For some, anything more than a couple of texts per hour is a bit precious. In contrast, some don’t care.
We asked several men between the ages of 18 and 45 what they thought about this topic. Most preferred to only receive a few texts a day, though younger guys (between 18 and 25) were more open to frequent texts than their older counterparts. Very few enjoyed having long text exchanges, though some introverts said they were more comfortable with this approach than having intense conversations in person.
Interestingly, although texting preferences ranged across the board, one response that most shared is that it all depends on how attractive and talented the woman is.
“If she’s super hot and interesting, she can text me as much as she wants.”
“Is she beautiful? Passionate about what she does? Has a lot to offer? Then I want to hear from her all the time.”
Basically, if they find a woman both physically attractive and intellectually engaging, she’ll have more leeway when it comes to texting frequency.
How to Come Back From Texting Too Much
There are a couple of ways to do this. One of them is subtle and passive, and the other one is more active and assertive. You can choose which approach to take depending on your personality type.
If you’re more on the shy, quiet side, you can just stop texting him for a while. Focus on your own stuff, and let him reach out to you when he’s ready to make contact. This shows him subtly that you’ve become aware of your over-stepping; that you’re trying not to be needy or clingy, and respecting his personal space. Of course, with this approach there’s also the possibility that he’ll interpret your silence as lack of interest. It all depends on what type of person he’s like.
Alternatively, if you prefer to own your behavior in a way that lets others know you’re trying to improve yourself, you can tell him so. Say something like “Wow, I’ve been texting you way too much. I’m going to back off and you just text me whenever, k?”. This shows him very clearly about your self-awareness, without any room for misinterpretation.
Space and time can heal a lot of relationship missteps. As a result, it’s better to go quiet for a few days and let him come to you than to overstep personal boundaries.
When it comes to figuring out how much texting is too much to a guy, there’s a fairly simple formula you can follow. Consider how often you’d like him to text you, and divide that in half. Don’t always be the one to text first: let him initiate conversation on a regular basis, and refrain from checking your phone obsessively to see if he’s responded.
Furthermore, be sure to follow the “three text” rule. If you’ve sent three messages in a row and he hasn’t replied, STOP. Don’t send him anything else until/unless he responds. If he wanted to send a text in return, he would have done so by now.
It’s always better to go with the “less is more” approach. Instead of just texting him whenever a random thought pops into your head, wait until you have something worthwhile to share (or ask). He’ll be more likely to engage with you if you have something amazing to say than if you text him hourly updates or silly memes all day long.
If he responds with joy and enthusiasm when you text him rather than with one-word annoyance, you’re on the right track.
My name is Jenny and I love helping people with their relationships. I believe a few simple tips can help people massively improve their communication skills with their partners and really express themselves. Thanks for visiting!