Girl Keeps Flaking But Keeps Texting: 7 Reasons Why & What to Do About It

Wondering why a girl could keep flaking yet keep texting you? You’ve come to the right place. In this article, we’ll explore 7 possible reasons why and what you can do about them.

Why Do Girls Keep Flaking But Keep Texting?

Many girls flake but keep texting. Why could this happen? Well, it usually has to do with a communication error or a withholding of information. You may feel like you’re doing the right thing with women, but if she keeps flaking on you, there is probably something wrong. Here are 7 reasons why girls keep flaking and what to do about it:

1. She Might Not Be Interested

go on the date

As sad as it may be, this is likely the most common reason why girls keep flaking. If you have not built enough attraction or comfort, then she will lose interest and won’t be able to go through with the date. The best thing to do if you think this situation applies to you is to directly ask her if she is feeling enough attraction to keep going.

If she says no, politely move on. If you’re feeling particularly attracted to her and aren’t ready to go, you can try asking her what she would need to see or hear from you in order to go on the date. While first impressions are important, second chances are possible!

2. She Might Have a Boyfriend

Another common reason why girls might be flaking is that they may already have a boyfriend. While this may seem like something that wouldn’t happen in the age of Tinder and other dating apps, it’s actually pretty common.

If you’re texting with her and she says “I’m kind of seeing someone,” ask her how serious it is and whether or not she is in a monogamous relationship. This can be a tricky situation, and while it is common to see many people before you enter something serious, it’s usually manipulative for a woman to be dating around if she has a committed monogamous boyfriend.

If she is resistant to talking about the subject in a straightforward manner, then the best thing to do is politely end the conversation. If she can’t be honest about her relationship status with you in a text message, then she probably isn’t available and you should move on.

3. She Might Be Busy With Work or School

meet up cafe

This is another reason why girls flake that you might not expect. If she’s in school or has a demanding job, then there are probably times where she needs to make compromises and cancel social engagements.

This may be a sign that the woman is very responsible and mature, but it can also be frustrating to deal with if it happens with consistency. Try asking her if you can meet up at a cafe near her work or school to make it easier on her schedule.

4. She May Find Your Texting Style To Be Pushy

We all come off differently over text than when we are in person, and if you are just starting to date or chat with someone new, it can be very hard to read the signs of what is and isn’t working.

If you consider yourself to be a straightforward communicator, make sure that your messages don’t come off as too intense or pushy. Make sure to ask lots of questions and send empathetic messages that make her feel heard. This will help to make sure you don’t come off as demanding.

5. She Has Self-Confidence Issues

have not met in person

Many women suffer from a lack of self-confidence, no matter how beautiful they are. If the two of you have been texting for a long time but haven’t met in person often or at all, this could be a lot of pressure for her and she might not be able to keep it together if things don’t go well.

6. She’s Seeing Several People at Once

Many people date several people at once, especially when they are in their twenties. If this is what’s happening to her, she might be struggling with making time for every person she is seeing.

If you’re trying to get with a woman who has several people that they are juggling, then it’s best to try and get in when there is a lull in her schedule. While this may sound like an impossible task, if you’re patient it can pay off. If there is a genuine connection, she will eventually prioritize you over the other people she is dating and will have more time for you.

7. She Simply Had Something Come Up

busy schedule

Sometimes we overthink things and assume that we’re being blown off when we haven’t actually been. If she has canceled on you more than once, then it is possible that she genuinely has something come up that is preventing her from making plans.

If you want to be certain, try asking her if she is still interested in a date. If you’re very understanding of her busy schedule and are simply checking in to see how she would like to move forward, she will most likely be honest about her feelings and availability.

How Do You Respond to a Flaky Girl?

ask directly

The most important rule of responding to a flaky girl is to remain positive and understanding. Even if she is standing you up or even manipulating you, you will feel like a bigger person if your actions come from a space of respect.

Don’t be afraid to ask her what is going on. Sometimes digging a little deeper can help to alleviate your concerns and let you know if you’re worrying over nothing.

However, if there is a deal-breaker or larger reason for her flakiness, asking her directly about the issue can help you to dodge a bullet and avoid getting dragged into a bad situation.

If the flaky girl is genuinely too busy or having external issues, you are at a crossroads. You must decide if you want to be patient and compromise to help her out, or if you want to move on and find someone who will prioritize you off the bat. Either way, be sure to be clear with her about your choice so that you can both move forward in a healthy way.

How Do You Know if a Girl is Going to Flake?


It’s usually easy to see when a girl is going to flake and cancel a date. If she mentions that she is tired, busy, or even just a little shy, she may be dropping hints that she would like for you to cancel the date. If you don’t pick up on this hint, you may receive a vague cancelation text or email right before meeting up.

If this has happened before and they have flaked on more than one date, this is another sure sign that they won’t be able to make it. However, if this is a one-time flake or she has canceled on you in the past but then showed up later that same day, it may be worth giving her the benefit of the doubt.

Another way to spot a flake is when they are vague with plans and won’t commit to a certain day, time, or place for your next meeting. If you sense that she is trying to avoid plans, directly confront her about it as to not waste either of your time.

Finally, you may notice that this woman always has an elaborate excuse for not showing up. This is similar to the classic excuse of “the dog ate my homework” and is a clear sign that they are not serious about your date. If she can’t explain the reason she didn’t show up in one or two sentences, she is probably elaborating the story or has a deeper resistance to meeting up.

Final Thoughts

approach dating with a positive mind

Relationships are very complex, and we never know exactly why a person is feeling the way they do, especially at the beginning of a relationship. If you’ve given your best effort and she is still flaking on you, it is time to cut her loose and move on. Although you may want to know the reason why she is flaking, it’s less helpful to ruminate on this and more important to focus on loving yourself and finding someone who is willing to prioritize you.

If this behavior keeps happening to you over and over with different women, it may mean that it’s time to take a deeper look into your life and re-evaluate your own patterns, behaviors, and choices. Perhaps you can do some research on dating approaches, let go of an expectation, or do some work to establish if you have any personal blocks that make it hard for new people to enter your life.

If you approach dating with a positive and curious mind and make an effort not to get too caught up in the actions of others, with patience, you will find a wonderful match. And remember, if a girl keeps flaking on you, she was probably never the right one for you in the first place.

Jenny Muscolo
Jenny Muscolo

My name is Jenny and I love helping people with their relationships. I got my Masters in human sexuality at Northwestern University, and love what I do.

I believe a few simple tips can help you massively improve your communication skills with your partners, which leads to better interactions. Thanks for visiting!